The Light Knight

by ForrestStaley

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy Magic Male Lead Reincarnation Strong Lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

Read the edited and improved version on Kindle: Amazon Link

A man reincarnates. He is born in a new world, one filled with monsters and magic.

Pyromancers decimate jungles, Cryomancers walk over frozen oceans, Electromancers kill behemoths in seconds, Geomancers build castles in hours, Aeromancers soar through the skies, Sciomancers blacken the sun, and Biomancers grow fields of crops in mere days.

However, this man can't use any of these magical elements; he can only use the weakest of the magical elements: Photomancy - light.

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Prologue ago
Chapter One ago
Chapter Two ago
Chapter Three ago
Chapter Four ago
Chapter Five ago
Chapter Six ago
Chapter Seven ago
Chapter Eight ago
Chapter Nine ago
Chapter Ten ago
Chapter Eleven ago
Chapter Twelve ago
Chapter Thirteen ago
Chapter Fourteen ago
Chapter Fifteen ago
Chapter Sixteen ago
Chapter Seventeen ago
Chapter Eighteen ago
Chapter Nineteen ago
Chapter Twenty ago
Chapter Twenty-One ago
Chapter Twenty-Two ago
Chapter Twenty-Three ago
Chapter Twenty-Four ago
Chapter Twenty-Five ago
Chapter Twenty-Six ago
Chapter Twenty-Seven ago
Chapter Twenty-Eight ago
Chapter Twenty-Nine ago
Chapter Thirty ago
Chapter Thirty-One ago
Chapter Thirty-Two ago
Chapter Thirty-Three ago
Chapter Thirty-Four ago
Chapter Thirty-Five ago
Chapter Thirty-Six ago
Chapter Thirty-Seven ago
Chapter Thirty-Eight ago
Chapter Thirty-Nine ago
Chapter Forty ago
Chapter Forty-One ago
Chapter Forty-Two ago
Chapter Forty-Three ago
Chapter Forty-Four ago
Chapter Forty-Five ago
Chapter Forty-Six ago
Chapter Forty-Seven ago
Chapter Forty-Eight ago
Chapter Forty-Nine ago
Chapter Fifty ago
End of book one ago
Reviews

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draplj
  • Overall Score

Author needs to read up on light physics

I can only give this 2 stars because i really really liked the premise. However I am absolutely disappointed and devastated at how little the author actually understands about light and its properties. The MC definitely has potential but by pretending he is some genius in light and lasers the author raised my expectations only to shatter them by the sheer lack of scientific knowledge and practical applications thereof. I am sad.

ruriruriko
  • Overall Score

The author isn't as smart as the character

This is one of the problem trying to write a smart character, it's only become as smart as the author.

Spoiler: Spoiler

 Oh, and only a little (almost none) world building whatsoever... Other people my like this story, but for me, nope...

TheFisher
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A Proper Diet Is Important

This review has been done with knowledge of chapters 1 to 27

Style
The style of this story gets a solid 3 stars out of 5. It's not anything exceptional, but it's acceptable.

Grammar
The grammar gets a solid 3.5 out of 5 stars. I give it 3.5 stars since there aren't many mistakes in the chapters, but it doesn't deserve 5 stars as there are mistakes.

Story
The story here is very cliche, and doesn't have anything unique about it... Well that's a lie, but I'll get to it later. It gets 1.5 wobbly stars out of 5 is all I'll give it.

Character
Characters aren't all that interesting in this story. I can't get behind them, or sympathize with them. However they aren't 2 dimensional cardboard cut-outs. They get a shivering 2 out of 5 stars.

The Main Part of The Review
Now this is the part where I say that our Light Knight shouldn't even be alive, and that this story shouldn't be a thing. And you can probably guess what I'm going to say from the title of this review, but what you didn't expect is that there's going to be more than just that.

Firstly, let's start with our MC's diet! It's garbage. Simple. There is no way for our MC to have survived for as long as he has on such a diet. Let alone the fact that he has the body of an OLYMPIC level athlete with such a diet. He would be long dead as a baby from malnutrition.

Secondly, is his mother. Much like the sons diet, the mothers diet is extremely important for a healthy baby. And let's face it. She doesn't have the best diet either. So the baby might not even be alive when it's born. And on the off chance it is alive, then the baby will be very unhealthy.

Now let's get into the magic of this story. It's bad. Simple. Magic is supposed to be open, and free to the imagination (to a certain extent), but this magic system is just bad. How did even get these chants? How come they can't make more of these chants? How come a baby with no knowledge on what these chants do, can call upon their effects? How? How? How?

All in all, this story doesn't get more than 2 shivering stars out of 5.

tomcatfever
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I read this because the Amazon book is being aggressively advertized on rrl. 

A very interesting premise that falls flat. Here are some of my thoughts:

  • The author's choice to use wuxia reincarnation and speech tropes are painful after the first few chapters (as usual).
  • No one talks like this in English -- even in a magical fantasy world. Reboot the dialogue.
  • The light magic choice is interesting. But, the pseudoscience used to articulate the magic system is a total waste of effort. Hurts more than helps.

I can tell the author did some research. Unfortunately, doing research and using it for world building are two different things.

Needs aggressive editing and rewrites if the author wants to sell for any amount of money on any medium.

To improve world building, plot, characters and other areas check out Matt Colville and Brandon Sanderson on YouTube.

Hire a professional editor or an indy publisher to improve this manuscript. It's difficult to go it alone.

Good attempt and effort for a new author. Keep writing.

Raw but readable, 3/5.

EverShadow
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Fun premise, lacking follow-through

Now, this review is only from chapter 14, so this could change later. First of all, I think it's a facinating premise. I like the idea of different magic types and reincarnation if fun if it's done well. However, the main character is exteremely oblivious about things that should be rudimentary for someone who has lived in this world for several years. And the world itself has some flaws, the most noticeable being the money system. There is no concept of value, for example the main character saying that he has made a ton of money from going into the dungeon, then providing no good reason why more people don't do this, and then also pricing goods way too highly for the amount he made to be "a lot". There are other examples, but I'm tired and jet-lagged right now, so I'll leave it at that.

Kinda side note, the author does a lot of telling instead of showing. The departure from his family as well of a lot of the fighting is glossed over within a sentence or two, depriving the reader of a lot of character development and worldbuilding.

 

Short Version: Interesting premise, but there are a few easily fixable errors that make no sense as well as a lot of telling instead of showing, which takes away from the overall story. Still a fun read.

Mayors
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Could be a Jewel, but it is unpolished

Edit (9/9/17) : I should have writtin this edit a bit earlier, but since i am reading from my phone, i didnt bother the last few weeks.

The author MAY have understood my comment wrong and he made a poll asking what people think of POV chapters.

My comment the other day was referring to simple perspective changes within the POV of Ethan (the Main char), with the help of descriptions of "actual" events.

Let me give an example : Ethan walked by rough looking strangers, possibly adventurers. Many of them laughed. This made him feel anxious, but he does know very well that those people are misjudging him but that doesnt make him feel any better. Little did Ethan know, that not everyone was laughing. One of those thugs was looking at him with a serious expression and he was thinking on how Ethan accomplished his feat, namely his bounties on his back. Well it did not bother him anyway, since he thought that the kid infront of him was a small fry. Thus Ethan continued oblivious to his luck, because that thug was a head hunter from foreign guilds, who seeks to kill the magic ofspring of his arch-enemy´s country.

My passage above is an example of POV switching within the story.

 

Furthermore, i liked the author´s attempt to give Ethan some life, but like he himself mentioned, it is still lacking by a lot. 

Lines like : "The bittersweet accomplishment of 12.000 Gold coins made him feel happy, but his true feelings are hidden from everyones sights... he feels mad from his blutlust of the past few hours of dungeon-hunting, his heart seeks the adrenaline and he still can´t forget (...).

This creates sympathy, asympathy, a connection to the readers/the audience.

It feels lackluster to read a total of 2000 words without a single mentioning of his perspective, his thoughts, emotions, plans. Like the last chapter (17), which was a rather robot like counting of his day to day work.

I personally liked the fast stlye, but it lacked on very many fronts to call it perfect.

 

I am up to date(09.09.2017)// May contain spoilers

Style

The story itself has a good style, nothing to add. The narrator is not confusing and the fiction is read-able. -0.5 Stars for the lack of switching narrator styles, which can greatly enhance a story. (e.g. jumping into the eyes of a bystander who sees him going into the dungeon etc.)

Grammar

The Grammar is absolutely fine and i rarely see 1 or 2 mistakes. I wouldn´t give it 5 stars, since some people are extraordinaly careful with the language and just fine-tune it much better and use risky formulations, which are absent here, nothing to worry about tho. 

Story

The Story itself is a cliché "i warped into another world" story, which i personally love.

-1 Point for the lack of any uniqueness. (might re-adjust later on)  

Character

The charater score is so low, because i personally feel no attachment to the character, futhermore the char. does NOT show any signs of being from another world, not using any knowledge whatsoever and even fighting monsters by luck (accidently discovering that boars run against walls where there is light)

I´d like to see some emotional attachment throughout the description of said emotions, which are nearly absent. It feels like the author describes the hero like a machine (e.g. "(...) and then he proceeded to kill 6 more boars and then .... at the end of the day he got 1200 coins.")

Something like : It made him sad to kill animals for his own needs bla bla or he felt a sharp pain in his heart from killing xyz etc. would add a ton of emotion to the character and build up sympathy towards him, which it doesnt right now

The hero feels absent from the reader and it lacks on so many fronts, that i dont even want to write about it. There are a ton of techniques, which help achieve the fix of the lack. 

 

I personally look forward to read more and on a side note : Please write a few chapters before releasing the first one, so you can add 1 chapter a day and satisfy new readers, otherwise this story will be forgotton, when you release a chap every 2-3 days with a few tousand words.

Some people for example did just that and their stories lacked the audience. Others released a chap. every day for 1-2 weeks and then proceeded to do a chap a week or every now and then, when the audience was present.

kamal12
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Its a fun story with some common tropes but it still develops an interesting and cohesive story that gels together really well, theres no wasted space and all the information is relevant and even though you could argue its bland its still fairly new and cool.

If you want a fun read, with an intersting world and infinete possibilities for the future then read this and sure it is unpolished its tsill good and the author gets better every chapter.

It follows Ethan, a reincarnated being who was born as the son of a farmer aimng to reach untoched heights and be the next alexander or ceaser.

Magic is still mysterious and being explored but also interesting. Fight scenes are cool. Dialouge is kinda generic

Icest33l
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Good read so far but beginning was very slow

Slow start and must say a bit boring when mc was learning his magic efficiency or interacting with other villagers and relatives. A chapter and short description would have sufficed to explain his background and why he trainned so much (magic and body). There were a lot of unnecessary parts of the story before he left the village to travel to reach the city and it's dungeon. I'm happy, I kept reading because now the story gets interesting and we can see a bit more of the mc caracter, thinking process through interactions and use of his power to survive and thrive in the dungeon. I personally like his desire to  remain a solo dungeon hunter.

On this note, I need to raise the lack of caracter depth for the mc's surrounding. Its fine to only glance at the other caracters if they have no main purpose in the story or have only brief interaction with the mc but the author might want to beef it up a bit because the mc's understanding of people around him seem a bit too superficial as if they are only 2D for the mc. It might be a ploy from author to show that mc is just a self-centered teenager and will grow out of it later to understand life and open his eyes as he grows older... But just in case... Right now all the character seem to only exist to justify the presence of the mc. The author may want to explain a bit why people would be envious, mean or angry with mc or why would they even care to talk to the mc (do they have a bad day, do they want to take advantage of him financially, are they happy with their job and life, are they tired or charitable...).

There is good grammar and orthograph. Very few spelling mistakes, word repeating or wrong verb tense used.

This story is easy to read, light-novelish. Overall it is a story with great potential! Please keep it up and continue working on it!

LightningShadow7
  • Overall Score

I read all the chapters up to 48 or something and I'm pretty disappointed. Not by the knowledge on light or whatever but more on just how boring the story is. You take a really cool idea and absolutely bungle it by casually glancing over every cool point. The MC almost dies from assasination in one of the chapters which I already forgot and yet nothing changes. He doesn't realize how close he was to death or that its not a game and that what hes doing has consequences but the next day hes like oh cool who cares I almost died. Every cool part of his life is just glanced over like his childhood is so small and his family interactions are minimal. You setup this really cool idea of a mage party but then just have everyone fawn over the main character and his ability to blow holes through everything and how powerful he is. And thats not a bad thing, OP characters can be a fun read, but this is not like One-Punch Man or anything, its just bad. If you have an OP character, you have to have something that lets us relate to him, or else its just a terrible read. I don't even remeber the MC's name, I think its David but I'm not positive and I'm not going to waste my time reading 1 more chapter of such a meh book.