Godly System

by Fetish

Original Action Drama Psychological Romance Anti-Hero Lead Harem Male Lead Reincarnation School Life Secret Identity Slice of Life Strong Lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content

A heartbroken man receives a Godly System amidst his despair. With a new life given to him, he transforms into a new man with newfound passion. His will ignited, burning stronger than ever. This is his journey. 

(Author's Notes: Mostly self-insert. I'm just outletting my fantasies so don't expect much. Enjoy your stay.)

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  • Pages :
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Fetish

Fetish

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Chayim
  • Overall Score

No trials and tribulations here

Self inserts and power trips aren't inherently bad. They can actually be pretty fun and intriguing. You know what's not fun or intriguing? A roller coaster that only goes up. You have to go down, twist, turn, corkscrew! Otherwise all you have is a weird, boring escalator that slowly makes its way to the top and just as it reaches the peak... it stops.

For example at the start of the story the MC kills his wife, her affair, and then himself.

His punishment for such a psycho move? Reincarnation to a life where his hot Chinese older sister had sex with him when he was 6 and then he went into a coma. Guilt? Trauma? Personal growth? Those all disappear with a little mind control provided by The System! There's no twists or turns here. It just keeps going up.

Later through the power of awkward groping he gets super strong and grows a big dick.

The villains are thinner than cardboard cutouts of Hitler. They topple easily.

The erotic content is a little lack luster but obviously has a lot more thought put into it than the rest of the story.

If you do want to make an escalator of punching dudes and sex at least make some interesting sights along the way.

 

 

Review ends here.

 

 

Okay I've been thinking about this story for way too long now but let's see where it goes.

There's no God in your world. At least not in the Abrahamic sense. Murder suicides usually get you sent to hell. Instead it seemed to catch the attention of The System which is the closest thing to god I can imagine in this world. And what does God want? It doesn't seem to want peace, or truth, or the destruction of some foreign entity.

It wants desire and domination. It craves lust.

It makes sense. It gives out tokens through sex or foreplay. The lucky prize converts any negative emotions into raw lust. And our hero the MC was so consumed by his need, his desire, that when his love betrayed him he ended her. He ended her, ended the cheater that was so far below his notice he didn't even get a name. And finally he ended himself. It is that craving that overwhelming need that surpassed every other instinct which caught the attention of a God.

What type of world is that? Where power is given through pleasure and desire? 

What does that mean for the girl who wants to be cherished by one, not desired by all?

I always wondered in xianxia or other stories with magic how romance works. Everyone can shapeshift after a certain level so what part of any does appearance play?

So many people are afraid of not being enough. Thats true even here. Even now.

macintosh
  • Overall Score

I don't understand the point of Chayim's review. Not only are you imposing morality onto a webnovel, and a wish furfillment one at that, but you are criticising a wish furfillment novel for providing wish furfillment. 

 

This genre itself is supposed to be illogical. The protagonist whom the reader sympathises with should recieve unresonable amounts of power-ups, chicks, etc. The genre itself is supposed to limit its literary value for it is unrealistic in all aspects possible. Reading a wish furfillment fantasy should imply all of this!

 

Moreover, no novel, whether literary classic or modernist piece, should be scrutinised by its moral character. What you should be analysing is its consistency. Both the characters and setting should remain consistent in their nature, otherwise the novel would lack any semblance of realism. Everything else is a matter of subjective opinion. Is the romance executed well? Are the characters interactions realistic? All of these are subjective judgements. Whether or not you find depth in a story is dependent on many things-- your own literary knowledge, your personality etc. 

 

Lastly I want to write somewhat of a review. Your novel is good! Good for what it claims to be. The main character is overpowered, the romance is unrealistic, and the setting has enough variability that it remains interesting--this is wish furfillment! I will not go into a full-fledged review because your novel is in its infancy. Though i recommend you continue what your doing, and don't listen to reviews which lack much needed criticism. 

Doaist xuanlong
  • Overall Score

Lol yup good start there’s a lot to improve on especially the world building and us coming to understand the relationship of the two so we need some background on both esp the Sister, and the world he is in like is there cultivation or magic or futuristic or is it like present day plus I think you rushed the sexual content a bit but it’s ok it works so far hmm one more thing it’s about the time he spent in hospital it’s strange the he didn’t talk to nurses or doctors in that time, actually you can play it of as either he was so focused on getting out of there that he didn’t think of it or his sister isolated him and did everything for him like nursing him and doctors only checked on him from Time to time 

Orenmir
  • Overall Score

This is good so far. Im only at chapter 5 so im not going to increase the score to 5 since you havent done a sex scene so i cant judge how you will write them. So far the system is good and there arent noticible grammer errors. I hope you continue writing :)