Desire

Style 4.5 : The style is well done, but not amazing. While almost all parts of the story flow well together and the writing is solid there are occasionally bits of dialogue which feel a little naff and can tug on immersion. Overall its still really good, but some time spent on revision and editing would not be amiss.

Story 5 : I love the story, not much more to say about it as I don't want to give spoilers. It was really nice to see how to scale shifted seamlessly as the story progressed in a natural manner, and the plot overall has been enojoyable so far, keep it up!

Character 4 : This might be one of the weaker parts of the story, while the characters are nice, and they have a good dynamic, they also don't feel very deep. And thats just talking about the main two, if its not them then they might as well be cardboard cutouts, even Alice, who is quite close to the main guys, doesn't have much behined her and overall some extra character development would be very nice.

Grammar 5 : If there have been any mistakes then I've simply not noticed them, 5/5 for this I guess.

Overall 5 : While the characters are a little weak, the innovative system, great story, and world building pull this novel into the realm of 5/5, afterall this IS RRL we're talking about so I can't be too harsh :P overall, its really enjoyable to read and just a lot of fun.

The abillities are too static, it should have more variation from person to persoperson.  Like a talented person being able to use qi more efficiently.  Also everything can be bought with points so it seems like it will be less dynawillin that people won't need to think abiut getting people with school or doing specialized training but instead just consider hoe to get more points.  Language is a little dull.  I like it though.

World-disrupting-game-shop-system done right! Lot’s of worldbuilding. One of the only world-is-invaded-by-monsters story I’ve seen where the story doesn’t start and die in one generic city, but instead encompasses and attempts to include the whole world in the ever-building after effects of this type of story setting.

Good characters and mechanics used consistently.

Bravo.

This story is very enjoyable to read at this time but it could definitely stand to improve! If you're reading this review then i press you to just start reading this, you'll enjoy it.

Style - I like it well enough. it gets the job done, the story is written in a simple manner that enables the author to get the story across to the reader but it could certainly be improved, however i feel this just comes with experience, at the moment it's fine.

Grammar - The grammar is great, i haven't noticed any spelling mistakes and all the sentences are structured in a good manner, i also haven't noticed things like constant use of short sentences or not enough enough longer sentences, it certainly feels like it always has correct spacing and a varied sentence length. The story is very easy to read because of this.

Story - At the current chapter im at (56, im a patreon supporter, thats how much i enjoy it, i pay money for it.) There is certianly a plot being worked on in the background of the story however it feels like our story is skipping forward a lot to be able to get to the bigger plot behind the story, i think it can be slowed down and go through the plot at a slower pace building on the world and the characters. Also I think it wouldn't hurt to foreshadow any future problems more, and make it more subtle. World building is a gradual process, that's why it is named building, not placing. It needs to be constantly worked on.

Characters - I believe the characters are a sour point in this story, not because they're horrible to read about, but because they could be so much better, at the moment it feels like they're just there to keep the plot train moving along. Whereas there's definitely enough substance in the world that the characters could be improved upon throughout.

Spoiler alert ahead

For example take Allen, a side character, his major interaction with the MC's went like this "Hi, i don't trust you, whats your story?" Allen says "Well all my family was killed by a bad guy", "okay i trust you now, here's access to 5% of the kingdoms profit". Most of the side characters are like that, they are used as cards to pull out of the pile when they are needed to interact with the MC's. The MC's themselves aren't that bad but they're certainly not the best. At the start we learn that Vince is covered in scars but thats about it to the backstory, we don't know their parents except they paid for their university tuition. We also know that vince lives life on the edge and he's emotionally hollow if he's not almost dying. Ace on the other hand is a stereo-typical "Hero for justice" again not much back-story, the author could certainly think about going back and re-writing some stuff and maybe adding in side chapters to flush out some other character like maybe Alice, who is mentioned once every 10 chapters or so.

But don't let me rant take away from the story, IT IS ENJOYABLE! And to expect more would make it one of the best on RRL, im certainly sure that the author can do that though, so please read this an enjoy the journey :D

Before I give my review I'd like to make one thing clear: I ENJOY reading this story. It's because I enjoy reading it that I feel I need to critique it. It has the potential to be 100% better than it is right now

Style:1.5

The style of this story is practically unreadable. It's almost always a statement followed up by an action/response with little to no details (and MANY, many time skips). 

Here's an example: Vince sighed and asked aloud "why did we run out of chocolate ice cream so soon", Ace was embarrassed while thinking of a repsonse. 

Do you see how I'm TELLING you what's happening instead of showing? 

And here is another example, except here I'll SHOW by adding details instead of just saying what's happening:

Vince stared at an empty container of chocolate ice cream in shock, while calling out to Ace "How did this happen!? I bought this earlier today!", Ace looked at Vince, avoiding his eyes, thoughts scrambling thinking of a response to hide his embarrassment.

It might not seem like much, but when the whole story is like the first example, it makes it hard to read. I could just skip to the end and not miss out on anything important.

Story: 3

It should be 2.5, but I like the theme and basis of the story, so I upped my scoring. There's no plot to this. Don't expect plot when you read this story. I want to say that how the story progresses is a logical step up from what was previously done before, but the time skips and sudden drop in point counts and costs makes that hard. 

The Author based this story on a system that has tasks and challenges that award points, while also allowing you to kill people to gain points as well. These points can be used to buy almost anything. 

We see it in the beginning. Task A gives you X amount of points and so on. This doesn't hold true for the later parts of the story. 

We are 'told' that they're fighting monster, doing quests and gaining points, but we don't get the details anymore. Suddenly we don't know how many points task A gives you. We don't know the X (the point reward) so the author just skips ahead, ignoring most of the 'grind' or anything he considers 'not important' while moving on to say "they did this, this and that. So they have 200,000 points" without even BOTHERING to explain why those tasks/monsters give the amount of points they do.

Grammar:4.5

The grammar is practically flawless. Apart from a couple mistakes here and there, you don't really see anything wrong.

Characters: 0.5

If there was a way to just put a huge 0 as a rating, I would do so here. This story does not have real characters, the only people that come close to characters are the MC's and the girl that one of the MC' is dating, and even then they're just basic archetypes of what you would usually see in a Japanese LN. All other "characters" in the story should be considered as less than archetypes/stereotypes and more like cardboard cutouts that didn't come out quite right.

Here are the MC's and GF:

Ace: Always trying to get stronger, meathead, knight in shining armor, protector of humanity

Vince: Rush seeker, doesn't care about anybody other than MC, wouldn't give two shits if anybody died, purposefully allows himself to get hurt for the rush

Mc's GF: I want to help humanity, think about the kids in africa, has snobby rich parents

These are the literal MAIN CHARACTERS. That's pretty much everything we've learned about the main characters. I'm being quite serious here, 49 chapters in and this is EVERYTHING we know about them.

In ch.47 we got to the point where I thought the Author just couldn't care less about putting in some effort into the characters. In ch.47, we are introduced to the worst stereotype/archetypes I've read since I last glanced at a Chinese LN, the GF's parents. 

Here are the GF's parents:

They go to the MC's city, find their daughter and her house, tell her to change out of her 'peasant clothes', after she confronts them their response consists of "why do you want to help those poor people in 3rd world nations? They're peasants and they're beneath you". After they respond with that gem, the MC walks into the house (which is his as well), is told by the father to get out while simultaneously being called a stupid peasant and is promptly shot by the butler not less than 30 seconds later. After the butler shoots him, the city guards show up, immediately grabbing the butler and during this moment the Dad says "Stop! He's under my protection" and I shit you not, tries to bribe the guard with a fat stack of cash. Once they find out that the MC is the ruler of the city they suddenly start kissing ass. 

I don't have much to say about the dungeon master, because while every other 'character' is sometype of archetype/stereotype the dungeon master is not. The dungeon master doesn't even deserve to be called a character, or a stereotype. He's based on the 'I was in jail and now I have power' archetype, but he's barely even that. 

He's a 3 sentence type of guy who only mentions that "they'll pay"

"you did this to yourselves for messing with me"

and my favorite "this is because you locked me away for 30 years" as his reasons for killing millions and trying to destroy nations.

Now for the support. I believe this story could become a diamond in RRL. Author, slow down. Fix what you've got. Make an actual story here. You have the foundation for a fantastic novel.

With everything you've posted, all you'd need to do is stop making new chapters and go back over what you've done. Flesh out the characters, make the dialog more realistic and "human". There's more depth to a person than "want to do this?" and "sure bro".

EDIT: I fixed up my grammar and the awkward wordings I wrote in my review. I am also changing my scoring from 3 to .5 for the simple fact that the Author has shown that he doesn't want to fix what he already has. He took everything below chapter 56 and put it up on Amazon.

My original rating of 3 out of 5 was for the small, but growing story that had many issues, but could ultimately be improved. It was a RRL novel, so I rated it with other RRL novels in mind. The Author has revoked that rating by removing the original chapters and uploading them to Amazon without bothering to fix any of its glaring issues (a simple grammar fix won't make every other issue go away).

Because 'Volume 1' has been uploaded to Amazon, I need to rate this story with other stories on Amazon. This is why I've changed it to .5 out of 5. Its quality has no business on Amazon, it could after some massive rewrites, but we all know that isn't going to happen. 

I’ve read this story from when it was first put up, currently it is on chapter 85. Overall this is a pretty solid story with likable characters and while the plot is a bit predictable at times, it is written so that it is still entertaining. 

A Great STORY, what else needs to be said...                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Awesome awesome story. I read all the chapters that where out in one sitting (42 of them). I thouroughly enjoyed it and cannot wait for more to be released. The Main Characters are some seriously badass dudes, Ace and Vincent. More details about the story below, in the spoiler.

Quick btw if you don't want to read the spoiler:

It comes down to two things, do you like badassery and awesome as fuck powers? Read it.

This story has a great plot and outline but the execution is awful. Time skips occur frequently and randomly and character development only happened in the first few chapters of Book 1. Sentences are clipped and shallow, they only describe or answer the object the previous sentence is talking about. Dialogue is out of place and wooden, nobody is going to talk about nuances of this life to the person they are about to fight to the death.

On Amazon, it says the book was published through the self-publishing option, which is great for most beginning authors but this story could've used the help a publishing company would've offered.  

It hurts me to see such a great story with such sky-high potential wasted because the author is too eager to share his idea with the world. Most of your mistakes can be fixed by finding a proofreader, even if they're an amateur. 

For those who don't know, infinity genre is basically anything with a mix of fantasies and sci-fi + RPG system. It is famous for showing a lot of promise and excitement, but failing utterly with bad writting.

In this case, the author is very novice, there is almost 0 background story, it's just 2 teens living together for some reason and nothing about their parents. There is almost no realism, everything IRL is ignored for grinding this new RPG system that magically appeared. It is incredibly shallow and lacking any real dialogues. Besides that, the point which made drop this already at ~9th chapter is that those 2 MC's found another user in their teritory so they went to check on him, first buying 2 black masks each for 10 points(armor and warhammer cost 1 though), then they found his room, knocked and when he didn't open without any conversation, busted it and tackled him at which point he said whaaat I mean no harm, ok so they let him go and took off their masks....yeah. Author said their intelligence stat is above average, yeah...