Demon Hero Reaper Saviour

by

mushashi

Chapter 41 – The Birds and the Bees

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The crowds of onlookers gasp in shock as they watch Rolfe Primero plunges his right hand into the boy’s chest. Just earlier, both students were having what seems to be a friendly conversation before they suddenly stood up and the sixth year student attacked the boy out of the blue.

Even though the onlookers couldn’t hear what was being said due to them being too far at the sidelines, the sickening sound of ribs cracking and flesh being pierced still reached the ears of the ever-watching crowd.

No one could say or do anything. The scene is too sudden and unreal. And even if someone wanted to help the boy, they’re still haven’t recovered yet from the pressure of Rolfe Primero’s killing intent.

Move, damn it! Headmaster Joss commands his legs but they just won’t listen to him. But someone else who was standing beside the headmaster is running towards the middle of the courtyard. No, make it two people.

Unhand that boy!

Let go of Master!

Master Wes and Synovve Ciro are screaming while rushing to the aid of the boy from opposite directions.

“…guys… stay back…”

*sighs “There’s always someone interrupting me just when I’m about to get to the good part.”

“…be gentle… with them…”

*smiles “Can’t make promises I don’t intend to keep.”

“…please…”

*grumbles “Fine.”

“…thank y-“

“Yeah yeah, shut up for a bit. We’re going be moving and I don’t want you to bite your tongue from the pain.”

“…”

“Hey, you’re the one who wanted me to go easy on them.”

“…”

Rolfe Primero turns to face Synnove Ciro first. Even though they set off roughly at the same time, the maid is faster than Master Wes and will arrive earlier than the deputy.

“One is lonely.”

Synnove Ciro reaches the middle of the courtyard and proceeds to deliver a furious assault on Rolfe Primero. The diligent student blocks her attacks effortlessly with his free left hand.

“Two’s a company.”

The entity sidesteps to the right, avoiding Master Wes’ flying kick from behind. The boy groans in pain from the sudden movement. Synnove continues with her attacks, the maid shows no sign of slowing down. Rolfe Primero parries Synnove’s palm strike and before the maid can put up her guard the diligent student delivers a swift chop to her neck, rendering the girl unconscious. Before the lifeless body of Synnove could fall to the floor, Rolfe Primero grabs the comatose maid’s right hand.

“Three’s a crowd.”

The entity does a quick 360 degree turn, which whips the passed out girl around before he lets go of her hand to send her flying into the deputy’s direction. The boy continues to groan in pain, he is subjected to the intense spinning movement as well. Master Wes who has just landed after delivering an unsuccessful flying kick was in the process of turning around when he caught sight of a flailing body thrown at him. The deputy tries to catch Synnove. He is successful but the force of the impact is too much and the male teacher is thrown backwards along with the girl. Master Wes lands on his back with the unconscious maid on top of him.

“Four’s a party.”

Rolfe Primero approaches the two people who are lying in a crumpled heap on the ground while dragging the boy along. Before the deputy could react, the diligent student delivers a swift kick to his temple, knocking the male teacher out cold.

“And then there was none.”

“…”

“Believe it or not, that was me being gentle.”

“I know. Thank you.”

“There should be no further interruptions, at least until Headmaster Joss finally gets his legs working and decides to be a meddlesome old man again.”

“It would probably take him around three minutes.”

“Good to know.”

“Should be enough time for you to tell me why your hand is currently CRUSHING MY HEART!

“I’m sorry. Is it painful?”

“Oh no no. I’m having the time of my life here. What a pleasant sensation. It’s like getting head from my wife for our fifth wedding anniversa-OF COURSE IT’S FUCKING PAINFUL!

“What did your wife gave you for your tenth wedding anniversary?”

“Well I received permission to do ana-QUIT CHANGING THE SUBJECT AND TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!

“We’re just about done here. Just give me two more minutes.”

“You don’t have two more minutes! Pull it out now!”

“I can’t pull it out now. I’ve just put it in. I’m in too deep already.”

“You’ve been in there for like 5 minutes already! My chest is killing me.”

“Just lie back and think of your wife or something.”

I CAN’T THINK OF MY WIFE WHEN I HAVE A GUY THIS DEEP IN ME!

Somewhere at the edge of the courtyard, a certain unconscious girl with a rotten personality is reflexively giving a thumb up.

EITHER YOU PULL OUT NOW OR YOU DO SOMETHING TO DISTRACT ME FROM THE PAIN!

“Shall I nibble on your ear?’

“Fuck you!”

“Okay, I know a good way to distract you. I’ll read you a line from my favorite play.”

“Fuck it. Whatever. Just do it.”

*clears throat “I love you… and if you won’t give me your heart in this life… then I’ll tear it out and it will be mine in the next! Then we’ll have all of eternity for me to make you love me!”

“…”

“Pretty good delivery, isn’t it?”

“I told you to distract me… Not creep me the fuck out!”

“Okay, I can do jokes too. I know a great knock knock joke, but you’ll have to start me off.”

“Fine! Knock knock…”

“Who’s there?”

“…”

“Well?”

“I fucking hate you…”

“And we’re… done.”

The instant Rolfe Primero pulls his hand from his chest, the boy falls backwards and lands on his ass. The boy tries his best to staunch his gaping chest wound, hoping his healing factor will kick in soon. Rolfe Primero sits opposite of him, as if intent on continuing their conversation from before.

“Now would you mind telling me why the fuck you gave me a new hole to breathe out from?”

“Well just now I was making some modifications to your body, starting with your heart. I sent some of my mana to that organ so that it could be circulated throughout your whole body using your bloodstream. I cleared out some minor blockages that will disrupt the mana flow around your body as well. ”

“And why would you do something like that?”

“To increase your affinity for mana of course. Usually to get a huge mana reserves like myself, you have to start training from young. I started gathering and building my mana reserves before I could even crawl.”

“And what use is mana to me? I’ve been getting along just fine without it.”

“Bullshit. You were running on fumes when I got here. Sure, you could probably take those nine remaining challengers. But what if there’s another ninety people waiting in line? Or nine hundreds? OR OVER NINE THOUSAND!”

“…”

*sighs “No one gets me...”

“…”

“…Anyway, you’ve seen firsthand how useful my mana shield was. As well as my shouts and killing intent.”

“You infused your shouts and killing intent with mana?”

“Pretty useful when you’re trying to hail a cab or a guy suddenly jumps the queue in front of you.”

“Does it work on small children? Because it’s a nightmare trying to control my kids when we’re in a restaurant."

“Basically infusing your body with mana helps you conserves your stamina, which I’m pretty sure is more needed to power that brain of yours. You’ve been relying too much on food to give you energy, but those will run out quickly.”

“So I need a better power source to help run my body and mind. Got it.”

“Your wound closed yet?”

“No, it seems to be taking longer than I anticipated.”

“That because your wound is caused by a mana attack. I coated my hand with a thin layer of mana to make it easier for me to pierce your chest and get to your heart.”

“Should have bought me flowers, it’s easier and less painful for me.”

“Any wounds caused by mana attacks would take more time to heal.”

“Chocolates... candlelight dinners... expensive jewelries.”

“Also, any wounds can heal faster with mana, it helps cell regeneration and speed up the healing process.”

“Heck, even buying me a drink or two is enough to get me on my back.”

“Besides your limbs and body, you can also coat your weapons with mana, increasing the damage output greatly.”

“Wait, are you saying a normal military-issued sword coated with mana can be a match with a high quality one or a special sword produced by the Shahjahad Kingdom?”

“Yes.”

“Interesting…”

*sing-song in a robotic voice “Now you’re thinking with Mana.”

“…”

*sighs “No one in the godsdamn world fucking gets me.”

“…”

“So tell me, how does it end?”

“Excuse me?”

“The world, how does it end? A biblical flood? Asteroids? Machines uprising? Alien Invasion? Giant insect overlords? A demon asshole looking for his lost tacky ring? Global Warming?”

“Hundreds and hundreds of magical creatures descending from the Khazun mountain range like a plague of locust.”

“Meh, close enough. Magical creatures you say?”

“Unstoppable killing machines made entirely out of knives and nightmares.”

*smiles “Can’t wait to meet them.”

“…”

“Judging from how you stop breathing for 1/100000 of a second and the sad look you’ve successfully concealed, I’m guessing I won’t live to see them.”

“I’m hesitating on how to best say this, but would you like to know ho-“

“Only a fool wants to know his ultimate fate so he can run away from it and failing.”

“…”

“So fucking tell me.”

“Wait, I thought you said-“

“Do I look like a fool to you? I have enough power to change it. So do you. The only difference between us is I have a higher chance to succeed because I only have to look out for myself. You on the other hand have a continent full of idiots dragging you down.”

“You do realize you’re one of the idiots living in the said continent.”

“For the moment. I could always find a new home. I’ve died infinite times before and have never failed to find myself waking up in a different place. Why should this time be any different?”

“How bout for your unborn child?”

“Pfft. You know how many bastards I’ve sired in the past? It’s enough to fill ten contine-Wait, did you say unborn child?”

“Yes…”

“I’m pregnant?”

“No, you dumbass. It was your wife who’s pregnant with your child.”

“I got my wife pregnant? How the fuck is that possible?”

“Well since I see no white stork delivering your bundle of joy, I assume in the near future you put your dick in your wife’s pu-“

“Fuck you!”

“Wait, an infinite number of lifetimes and no one has ever sat down with you and told you how babies are made?”

“I know about the birds and the bees, you fucking idiot!”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“You fucking check again, see if it’s really my child. Look closer this time.”

“M’kay…”’

“…”

“Oh that’s heart-warming… and heart-breaking as well…”

“So, what’s the verdict?”

“Opppps.”

“See? I’ve told you. Godsdamn. Limited omniscient and they gave it to a fucking idiot who doesn’t know how to properly wield it.”

“It seems during your travel after you graduated from the Whiteford Academy and refused an invitation to enter the Order of Enahel, you encountered a bandit camp where they were keeping some hostages.”

“And then what happened?”

“You’ve killed all the outlaws and helped return all the captives to their respective villages. All except one, her circumstances were a bit peculiar and you took pity on her.”

“Ah, I can see where this is going.”

“You decided to take her as your wife and when the both of you found out that she was pregnant, you guys chose to raise the baby as your very own.”

“Then I’m guessing some asshole nobles with a grudge found out about us, took them hostage, and told me they kill my family if I fought back?”

“This has happened to you before?”

“More than I like.”

“Then why didn’t you take some extra precautions?”

“I always do, but it looks like it wasn’t enough this time. Seems I’ve made some formidable opponents.”

“Want me to deal with them for you?”

“So I could owe you one later? No thanks. I don’t expect you to help me fight my own battles, so don’t get your hopes up and expect me to fight yours.”

“Then why did you help me with my mana problem?”

“Why, I don’t want my newly acquired toy to just break so easily now, would I?”

“…”

“Don’t make that face. I’ll know you’ll be busy, trying and failing to save the world, which is why I gave you a little boost to help things go a little easier.”

“…”

“All I’m asking is a little bit of your time. Once a week or once a month if you’re really swamped with your work, you prepare yourself for your encounter with me.”

“…”

“Or I can just take you right now, here, in front of this entire people. You have no idea how hard it is for me to restrain myself from jumping on you and making you mine. To hell with whatever goddess have dibs on you first.”

“…”

“So? What will it be?”

“Does dinner Friday night every second and fourth week sounds good to you?”

“Clever child. I knew you’ll make the right choice.”

“…”

“Wine me, dine me, fight me.”

“…”

“I’m going to be the best fight buddy you’ll ever had.”

“…”

“It’s a pity I can’t take you and your heart to the next life with me.”

“…”

“You’re awfully quiet. What’s wrong? Don’t tell me you’re regretting making that decision.”

“No, not that. It's just something has been bothering me for a while now.”

“What is it?”

“It was around the time you uncharacteristically freaked out when I mistakenly said you could be pregnant.”

“…”

“Maybe I’m imagining things due to some extreme blood loss I have incurred…”

“…”

“…but Rolfe Primero…”

“…”

“… why the hell is your penis missing?”

********************

Question: Who is Rolfe Primero?
Answer: [Unknown]



Question: What is Rolfe Primero?
Answer: Entity(s)



Question: What gender is Rolfe Primero?
Answer: Rolfe Primero identifies himself as a male and he wants you to respect his life choices.

Identifies? Life choices? What the fuck does those things even mean?



Question: Was Rolfe Primero born as a girl or a boy?
Answer: Rolfe Primero was born as a girl.

Holy shit...
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mushashi

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AndrewRL @AndrewRL ago

LOL, I was going to say this is the first time I'll ever approve of a Yaoi relationship, but then you pull THIS shit on us! Holy shit, I'm dying of laughter. xD

Chun Ma @Chun Ma ago

Lolololololol damn I did not see this coming

shuiko @shuiko ago

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Wait wait a second... if Rofle is a girl... hahahaha... HAHAHAHAAHAHA

Okay I'll give you 5/5 for that. If you make them a couple i'll give 1000/5 for that. lmao funnist shit. ever.

AMP @AMP ago

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!! TOO MUCH! TOO MUCH! LOOOOOOL

teenreader @teenreader ago

well... I thought it was weird how he(she) responded to the pregnant question

Discarius @Discarius ago

....goodness, and i was reading rolfe's lines with guy's voice...and now you're telling us that -he- is a -she-....well played indeed :V

Flamebolt @Flamebolt ago

hahahahahahahahaha this is funny as fk he better hope he doesnt get her pregnant or hes in one hell a battle for his life

Demize @Demize ago

WELL MOTHER FUCKING FUCK ME XD i didnt saw that one coming, just when i was laughing epicly about all the gay talk, you just come and twist the whole story xD EPIC MOTHER FKING TWIST i laughed so hard that my stomach hurts now

Astra19 @Astra19 ago

mushashi
You sir are a fucking genius
I know your ego is pretty big but let me inflate it some more

This would have to be in my top 5 of the funniest things I have ever read and hey the only reason it's not the funniest thing I have ever read well because I can't remember every single fucking thing I have ever read.

still pure fucking genius