Original Action Adventure Comedy Fantasy Sci-fi Tragedy Male Lead Reader interactive Virtual Reality

Please leave reviews and votes so that i know how good or bad i am doing and what i can change ---------------------------------------------------------------------- This is a story about a normal high schooler who was framed and sent to jail on fake charges. Becoming depressed he was further thrown into dispair when the culprit caused his family harm and took his sisters ability to walk. Finally reaching the end he experienced a mental breakdown and lost his speaking ability to everyone and only reacts to his family. Follow him as he remakes his life with his little sister in the world of Etheria as a form of rehabilitation. Will he talk again or never again. Will he trust others or will he lived a closed life. Only time will tell P.S. Mature tag is mostly for language and gore that might happen in the future. I WILL NOT MAKE EROTIC STUFF IN THIS ON LIKE DEMON AND ANGEL OR ROMANCE AT ALL

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Author
VRDraco

VRDraco

Den's Great Dungeon Lord

Achievements
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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 1 Jail Bird ago
Chapter 2 Clockwork scrapyard ago
Chapter 3 Scrapyard base ago
Chapter 4 Tanks ago
Chapter 5 Jeopardy ago
Chapter 6 Queen ago
Chapter 7 Race Unlocked ago
Chapter 8 Upgrade ago
Chapter 9 Dwarven outpost ago
Chapter 10 Nova's First Gun ago
Chapter 11 Dwarven Clockwork tech ago
Chapter 12 Sizing up ago
Chapter 13 Dwarven Rampage ago
Chapter 14 The Next Target ago
Chapter 15 Familiars ago
Chapter 16 Boss Hunt ago
Chapter 17 Bandit ship ago
Chapter 18 Karma ago
Chapter 19 New destination ago
Chapter 20 Pass time ago
Chapter 21 Negotiation ago
Chapter 22 Beta End ago
Volume 2 Chapter 1 Virtual Space ago
Volume 2 Chapter 2 Rising Nation ago
Volume 2 Chapter 3 The Second Awakening ago
Volume 2 Chapter 4 Return ago
Volume 2 Chapter 5 Return Part 2 ago
Volume 2 Chapter 6 Payback ago
Volume 2 Chapter 7 Wreaking Part 2 ago
Volume 2 Chapter 8 Body Building ago
Volume 2 Chapter 9 Sky Whale Base ago
Volume 2 Chapter 10 Dungeon Theory ago
Volume 2 Chapter 11 The Clockwork's Wrath ago
Volume 2 Chapter 12 Crushed Pride ago
Volume 2 Chapter 13 Sky War ago
Volume 2 Chapter 14 Childish Chitchat ago
Volume 2 Chapter 15 Game Masters ago
Volume 2 Chapter 16 Willpower ago
Volume 2 Chapter 17 The Real Boss ago
Volume 2 Chapter 18 The Deadliest Weapon, Innocence ago
Volume 2 Chapter 19 Fame ago
Volume 2 Chapter 20 Air Assault ago
Volume 2 Chapter 21 Pirate Genocide ago
Volume 2 Chapter 22 The Patch ago
Volume 2 Chapter 23 Home Sweet Home ago
Volume 3 Chapter 1 Shock Therapy ago
Volume 3 Chapter 2 Crew Visit ago
Volume 3 Chapter 3 Curiosity driven ago
Volume 3 Chapter 4 Core Tech ago
Volume 3 Chapter 5 Management Unit #1 Fics Irons ago
Volume 3 Chapter 6 East Gate City Month 1 ago
Volume 3 Chapter 7 Core Tech Animals ago
Volume 3 Chapter 8 Gate One Complete ago
Annoucement ago
Volume 3 Chapter 9 The Shepard ago
Volume 3 Chapter 10 Velodrone ago
Volume 3 Chapter 11 The rogue class Branch ago
Volume 3 Chapter 12 ago
Volume 3 chapter 13 Divine Punishment ago
Volume 3 Chapter 14 Shifting Gears ago
Volume 3 Chapter 15 BULK SMASH!!! ago
Volume 3 Chapter 16 Cannon Plan's ago
Volume 3 Chapter 17 Kong Gun ago
Volume 3 Chapter 18 North Gate ago
Volume 3 Chapter 19 God's play ago
Volume 3 Chapter 20 Life Experience ago
Volume 3 Chapter 21 Attack Plan ago
Volume 3 Chapter 22 Surging Battle ago
Volume 3 Chapter 23 Core Races ago
Poll ago
X-mas special ago
Volume 4 Chapter 1: Arrival of the Clockwork ago
Volume 4 Chapter 2: Let the Negotiations Begin ago
Volume 4 Chapter 3: Irritating Familiarity ago
Idea/suggestion ago
Volume 4 Chapter 4 Sakura, Titan of Nature ago
Volume 4 Chapter 5 Ballad of Gentle Waves ago
Volume 4 Chapter 6 Construct Specilization ago
Volume 4 Chapter 7 Major Request, Major Trouble ago
Volume 4 Chapter 8 Confession ago
Volume 4 Chapter 9 'I just don't care' ago
Volume 4 Chapter 10 Partnership ago
Volume 4 Chapter 11 Military Recruits ago
Volume 4 Chapter 12 Twin Goddesses ago
Reviews

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sleeping novelist
  • Overall Score
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Style: Personally, I DO think its rude to comment about writing style. NO offense meant to anyone who does. For me, writing is some kind of expression. And a writer has the freedom to choose how he present his expression. In short, no use on commenting about it. Like you don't need to comment on a painter's chosen medium. The end product is art either ways.

 

Story: I rated it on max since i personally like the story development so far. But honestly, I almost skip reading Jeopardy's scenes. I simply don't care much. But I can see you're giving her a space for growth and that may or may not be vital to your story. 

 

Grammar: Here we go. You're a bit inconsistent on your "tense". But not always (just on SOME chapters). There are some minor error on grammar. But nothing a PR can't solve. I just want to NOTE some recurring mistakes.

- then and than

-their and there

These are but a few which I already mentioned on my comment after volume one. Please be mindful of them. The meaning of a good sentence can be spoiled by such small mistakes. 

 

Character: Honestly, while reading the plot, I almost drop it. Make no mistake. I'm a Shakespeare fan. So I enjoy every dark stories. But I read some stories with the cliche: tragic MC; little sister. Either the sister will be revealed non-blood related and fall in love with MC or MC become the usual idiotic love-struck. This is regardless of how tragic the beginning is and how distrusting the MC is. Some worse plot will be MC falling in love with the girl who hurt him before. Something like that. I'm getting carried away. *coughs*

BUT i saw the P.S. so I gave it a try. And again, make no mistake. I'm not against romance. I just like some adventure/ VR story without all the drama. (or if there is, at least at the minimum like Coiling Dragon) Personally, I chose the exciting stories then ended up unfollowing it because MC slowly become some love-driven character. Instead of the excitement and adventures, love and romance become the major trigger for character developments. When this happens, I lose interest.

 

What i want to say is: "I'm seriously looking forward on how the story will be further developed. Most importantly, how the characters will develop." :) And yeah! Congrats on the book!!

 

1dbzfanjake
  • Overall Score

Great beginning and original concept

Couple of typos and grammar mistakes, but not too bad. I like the story, and hope you keep writing. :) |Thanks! 

Mikael
  • Overall Score

Good story. Bad Writing.

This is my first review so please be kind. ^^

First of all, I would like to say that I love the story. It's unique ( I've never read a this kind of story) and interesting.

Now comes the bad part and the only thing that makes this fan fiction less fun to read.

The writing. 

You never use "," or I have never seen them. That makes it so that I sometimes have to read the phrase two times.

Next is the grammar.

It's horrible. Typos, grammar and vocabulary faults everywhere. I would love it if you could reread yourself and try and edit it a bit. If you can't find anything wrong with it, (Which will be suprising) try and find someone who is willing to edit for you.

 

That is all I have to say for now. I hope this review will help you and keep doing this fanfiction. I will continue reading it even with all the faults. :)

 

P.S. Don't forget the "I". 

 

BobCouz
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Hi there. About the style, the story, and the direction of the story, i can just give you 5 stars.

You have some miss typo, some grammatical errors or the like, but it's not that much of a problem.

 

I gave you 5 overall score, because your original story, and it's quality if really good.
Keep up the good work.

 

drakninja
  • Overall Score

Great story, love the story development.

I have also read the demon and angle story and feel this story is so much better. I lost interest in demon and angle because they seem to slow in developing anything thing. this one is not the same.

 

I hope this one involve another love interest and cool surprise.

 

AkrimNecronum
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good start new story looking forward to more but.......

Hi VRDraco I just reviewed your other work and I saw this one read it and I like it you have a good start I don't have any complaints as of right now since its just the beginning which is why I'm giving 5 stars. Im just here to say to take your time  to the develop the characters you have before introducing anymore like I said in my other review character interaction is important to give depth to the characters and make the readers more engaged in the story.

Storyhunter
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Good concept and interesting plot choices. somewhat static characters

I like this story and will avidly continue to read it but that said it has a few flaws

( as of chapter 15)

cons

The main characters while they have grown some they still feel static. Like they don't have the ability to change based on there original stereotype. This works for a while during the introduction and initial building up phase but now the story is beginning to develop more and the characters are not developing along with it.

The author does not give a great deal of detail about the why the characters do what they do.

( small suggestion) give the main character video footage of the female antagonist and only after he has watched it let him know who it was. I think that his reactions would be interesting as well as drive the story and help evolve his character. Second sister..... surprise us have her do something we won't expect (give her a brain that works and have her question her brother where it hurts)

Pros

Great original concept and well crafted world and passable origin story.

the first arc is well lined out and flows very well incorporating reader impute near flawlessly.

the imaginative way the world grows (almost organic really) is the star point for the story.  

 

cjeanoliver
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One of the best VR I have ever read

This is my first time rating a FF, I just think this FF should be atleast on the TOP 20 Best Rated FF in RoyalRoad.
I've read til volume 1 what can I say it was awesome I want MOOOORE. 
In VR's most MC's choose the Human race but he chooses the race Clockwork that I didnt even think that clockworks can be a race.
*small spoiler*
At first I was thinkin how would he become stronger if he needed to change his body if he lives on a normal fantasy vr world but who would have thought that in the beta test it wouldnt be a normal start.

After reading a couple of chapters it hooked me up i just craved for more.
Would definitely recommend.
PS  
(I dont know if im worthy to criticize the grammar. English isnt my 1st language im not that good at it yet)
to the author you should re-read and check for spellings and grammars also some of the words are jumbled up. 
ex. "I thought were you"> you were 
      "is it that MANY"> man
      "I doing"> is
there's more but you should let your PRs re-read and check it. No Offense to the PRs
its just that it may turn off the readers for so many mistakes even after proof reading.


EmperorofSanity
  • Overall Score

DAMN /attempt at a whistle/

I only read the first Chapter but I am already hooked

dakmech9
  • Overall Score

I absolutely love it!

I must say, this blew my mind. I love the concept, idea, plot, and progression of the story.

"Clockwork" easily topped my favorite LN/FF out here so far