Reincarnated as The Main Character Little Sister and....I Just Don't Wanna Die Again

by NewbieCub

Original Adventure Comedy Fantasy Gender Bender Romance
Warning This fiction contains mature content
Reincarnated as little sister of the one main character from a game, our main character tries her best to not affect the story but the perfect ending need her dead!
'There's is no way that I gonna let myself die again!'
Watch our main character as she meet many strange people, see more story behind the main story from the game while clearing her brother obstacle and accidently killed one of important character? 'Eh?.....w-what should I do?!'

This is my first time write a story, so I welcome feedback and suggestion. I would make many mistake and many repairing in this story as I improve myself. Thank you (^_^)/
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  • Story Score
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  • Grammar Score
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NewbieCub

NewbieCub

Den's puppy

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LazyNight
  • Overall Score

As of chapter 9

I found the story so far to be quite enjoyable, with quite a few interesting characters that i rarely see. Even though there are some grammar issues, the story can still be understood quite easily. However this is not everyone's cup of tea, especially if you are looking for a lot of action. But if you are looking for moe, fluff, and something cute; then this is for you.

I look forward to more chapters and hope you can complete your story. :D

omnerabdator
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Started off great but then fell apart

it started off great, something that felt new and fresh i was really enjoying it, until they started to go undercover then i lost track of everything, with the slow releases and all the fake name changes i ended up losing track of all the characters new names (if i re read through the old ones it wouldnt be so bad, but the story isnt that interesting to me to read twice), the plot is also all over the place atm

Shance
  • Overall Score

It only has very few chapters, but the way the author writes, the interactions of the characters and the MC are all great. When there are more chapters I will Write more about it and review it more in depth.

 

 

I just hope you keep on writing, it seems very interesting!

 

hurt_lock3r
  • Overall Score

You just need a proofreader

Everything else is good, but you really need a proofreader.

magicdownunder
  • Overall Score

Thank for writing this, its a breath of fresh air compared to many other stories so far.

 

I give it a 5/5

DrunkenDutch
  • Overall Score

Great story! At least till chapter 19 that is....

Don't get me wrong, i really used to love this story

 

It offers something completely new compared to the usual RR stories. The characters are interesting and theres a ton of character development. I love how they interact with each other and theres plenty of development to keep the reader interested for more. Its cute, comical and has great story development.

And when just when you think things are great....the author punches you in the face.

 

Sometimes i wonder why authors do that. They have a fine story, but they need to make things overly complicated and ruin everything. The moment Rune and Kiel are seperated, thats the moment i should have stopped reading. 

  • The author introduces after the split alot of useless side characters
  • New sidecharacters in question are soulless, they simply do not leave an impression. 
  • The author tried to some screening time as to give the dozen or so  side characters more substance, but it made the story messy and impossible to keep track of everything.
  • Things grind to a halt and the story hardly seems to go forward

 

I would definitly recommend anybody to read this story. Untill chapter 19 it would be a solid 4/5 or 5/5 stars. Anything beyond is for your own risk. Even so i will keep an eye out for this story, who knows if the author will ditch "Crev" and all the useless side characters? But untill then overall this story is 2 or 3 stars.

noodle
  • Overall Score

Review written as of chapter 9.

 

There are a few words that need capitalization. Even the summary and the title, two of the most important parts of the story, are not capitalized correctly. A few misspellings. Tenses are often mixed up. Instead of dialogue tags such as “she said” or “said she” you get the names of the speaker in parentheses.

Ex. “Hi!” (Rune)

The story is still quite readable if you are willing to overlook those mistakes.

 The author is suffering from a case of talking head syndrome. There are parts in the story where the scenes could’ve improved with more descriptions and actions.

 Despite the few areas where this story could’ve improved, I am thoroughly enjoying this. Each character has a different personality. Loving the interactions between the characters.

 

[spoiler]I also think that in Chapter 6.5, Kiel’s attitude towards Rune was way too fast and drastic. It would’ve been more realistic if it was a slower change or if it happened over a day or two, not just a couple of minutes.[/spoiler]

 

All in all, keep up the good work, and I hope to see your story improve.

 

Hunknow
  • Overall Score

Some tips to improve.

The plot is lovely, and the character development and personalities are very good, even if they are like anime stereotypes it's still pleasant to read about a Siscon, a Yandere, etc... but the grammar and the format of the text are a bit off... is nothing that can not be fixed, but requires a bit of work. For example, in chapter 5 instead of:

"Are you going to the hill, Rune?" (???)

"Yeah, wanna come?"(Rune)

Neit suddenly appears behind me.

 

It will be a bit better something like this:

"Are you going to the hill Rune?" A familiar voice asked.

"Yeah, wanna come?" While I asked, the figure of Neil suddenly appeared behind me.

 

Hope you take your time and upgrade the quality of this history, because is a good one!

fanvaron
  • Overall Score

Just look at that description

Seriously how can you expect anyone to go into the story with an open mind when your description is already so badly written like seriously you can at least try with the description. I'm not a native, heck not even a fluent speaker but even my grammar checker finds 3 mistakes alone in that description. If you want to try it, it's called  Grammarly and has a free version (which I use) because there really is no excuse for such bad grammar, especially in something like the description which is the very first impression (besides the Image which you don't have) that a potential new reader gets.

MiyukiShiba
  • Overall Score

Extremely cute and - just a little-twisted

Well, I'm not really a  good reviewer but-

This is one of the rare stories in royalroad that has a good character development and plot. We have Rune, our cute and dense  protagonist who has a tendency in getting involved with weird characters. A siscon, "bullied"characters ( in a good sense XD), a yandere and a whole lot of crazy characters that contributes not only for the comical aspect but for a greater story development. But don't think  that everything is rose colored- there are  many moments that the story gets a little darker and I feel that as the story progreses we'll see more of it. However, as for now, I'm more than Happy to read the more "slice of life" chapters as I try to guess  my favorite character's gender.

NewbieCub, please continue with your hard work! I give you a big box of cookies!