The Oddity: The One Who Does Not Belong

by Eyeball1844

Original Action Adventure Drama Fantasy Romance Magic Martial Arts Multiple Lead Characters Secret Identity Supernatural

A purple ball descended from the sky, a gift from the primordial dragons, granting many races of the world access to magic. Unfortunately, humans were not one of those. During the great war, the magicless humans were nothing more than fodder, meat shields. Until one day, their powers awakened. After the war, with the ability to now wield, fire, water, earth, wind, or lightning, powerful magicians gathered to build a safe haven for humans, the Kaldora Empire. Before the humans had magic, other races prospered with it. But, within their midst, there were... oddities. People with an affinity for two elements. Each one leaving some sort of disaster in their wake. Each one, not quite fit for this world. A young boy's family, killed in an accident, only he and his sister survived the night. After that, they were split up, each taken in by a different relative. It has been eight years since the flames engulfed his home and most of his family. With his magic powers finally showing itself, he goes off to a magic academy to better learn about his newfound powers. But as he grows, something else does as well. The voice inside his head, the thing that influences his thoughts, the monster that he wish was gone, the devil inside his heart. This is a tale about connections. NOTE: The story will be slow for many of the chapters and the time will also match it, ex: goes by day by day. The time mostly will be used for introducing and adding to characters. It won't pick up until somewhere in the twenties but there will be action and events earlier on such as the missions. Just a fair warning.

 Order of Phantasmal Architects

 

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Eyeball1844

Eyeball1844

The Odd Penguin

Achievements
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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Prologue: Morning problem (Revised) ago
Chapter 1: Miss blue hair (Edited) ago
Chapter 2: Called for Battle (Revised) ago
Chapter 3: Rage (Slight Edit) ago
Chapter 4: Partners (Edited) ago
Chapter 5: End of the School Day ago
Chapter 5.5: After the First Day ago
Chapter 6: The Oddity ago
Side story: A Beginning ago
Thoughts Please! ago
Chapter 7: The library ago
Chapter 8: Our Worries ago
Chapter 9: Instructions ago
Chapter 10: First Mission(1) ago
Chapter 11: First Mission(2) ago
Chapter 12: First Mission End ago
Chapter 13: A Cold Treat ago
Chapter 14: Henry ago
Chapter 15: D-rank Mission ago
Chapter 16: The Auction ago
Chapter 17: Out of Action ago
Chapter 18: Protector ago
Chapter 19: I'm Sorry ago
Chapter 20: Summoning ago
Original Setting (No Spoilers) ago
Chapter 21: Fourtune Told ago
Chapter 22: Separated ago
Author's Note/Help? ago
Chapter 23: Fragments ago
Chapter 24: Budding ago
Choose a Name for the Spirit ago
Chapter 25: Chains ago
Chapter 26: Response ago
Side story: Running ago
Chapter 27: New Books ago
Chapter 28: Second Mission ago
Chapter 29: Orphanage ago
Chapter 30: Above ago
END OF INTRODUCTION Chapter 31: Message ago
Chapter 32: Incident ago
Chapter 33: The Trip There ago
Chapter 34: Stuck ago
Chapter 35: Meeting the Family ago
New Series? ago
Chapter 36: Cousin ago
Chapter 37: Rooted ago
Chapter 38: Friends ago
Chapter 39: Helping Others ago
Chapter 40: Mother and Son ago
Chapter 41: Encounter ago
Chapter 42: Kidnapped ago
Chapter 43: Her Feelings ago
Chapter 44: Surrounded ago
Chapter 45: Thirteenth vs First of the Green City ago
Chapter 46: Things No One Hears ago
Chapter 47: Found You ago
Chapter 48: Favorite ago
AMAA Ask Me Almost Anything and Halloween Special? ago
Chapter 49: Return ago
Chapter 50: Caught ago
Chapter 51: Investigation ago
Halloween Special ago
Chapter 52: A Familiar Face ago
Chapter 53: Approaching Storms ago
Chapter 54: Older Sister ago
Chapter 55: An Old "Friend" ago
Chapter 56: Link and Slingshot ago
Chapter 57: Connections ago
Chapter 58: Gifts ago
Chapter 59: Starting the Invasion ago
Fixing Earlier Chapters ago
Chapter 60: Ambushed ago
Chapter 61: First Clash ago
Chapter 62: Hide n' Seek ago
Chapter 63: Choice ago
Important Update, Thanksgiving Special, and world map ago
Chapter 64: Within Grasp ago
Chapter 65: False Hope ago
Chapter 66: Promise ago
Chapter 67: Divergence (2) ago
Chapter 68: Winter ago
END: Morning Question ago
Map ago
Another question that you are free to skip. ago
Book One: Character Bios ago
Book Two Prologue: The Boy ago
B2 Chapter 1: Rumors ago
B2 Chapter 2: Order ago
[RRCS] Sisters ago
Short Special: Mother ago
B2 Chapter 3: Lesson and reason ago
B2 Chapter 4: Emerging Problems ago
A Poem of Farewell ago
B2 Chapter 5: Golden Ticket ago
Romance Poll ago
B2 Chapter 6: Nice? ago
B2 Chapter 7: Ellar's response ago
B2 Chapter 8: Misguided Trust? ago
B2 Chapter 9: Admiration ago
B2 Chapter 10: Monster ago
B2 Chapter 11: A Chance Encounter ago
B2 Chapter 12: A Redhead's Plan ago
I Wanted to Quit ago
B2 Chapter 13: "Lucky" Interruption ago
B2 Chapter 14: Garret ago
Valentine's Special: Genuine ago
B2 Chapter 15: A Sadistic Game ago
B2 Chapter 16: End of Dondan ago
B2 Chapter 17: Lacking ago
B2 Chapter 18: Ruptured ago
B2 Chapter 19: Link ago
Special Chapter: A Misunderstood Oddity ago
B2 Chapter 20: Undisturbed ago
B2 Chapter 21: Seeker ago
B2 Chapter 22: Role ago
New Series Poll ago
B2 Chapter 23: Reminder ago
B2 Chapter 24: The Curtain Rises ago
B2 Chapter 25: Release ago
B2 Chapter 26: Waste ago
B2 Chapter 27: Failed Attempts + Special Reincarnation Chapter Look ago
B2 Chapter 28: Defeat ago
B2 Chapter 29: A Shadow ago
B2 Chapter 30: Change ago
B2 Chapter 31: City Defense ago
B2 Chapter 32: Outburst ago
B2 Chapter 33: Shutdown ago
B2 Chapter 34: Destinations (End) ago
B3 Chapter 1: Twilight Flower ago
B3 Chapter 2: Discussion ago
B3 Chapter 3: Goblins ago
B3 Chapter 4: A Trace of a Dream ago
B3 Chapter 5: Learning to Read ago
B3 Chapter 6: Flower Shop ago
Hiatus? (More like delay unless I need to order online) (Edit: Now irrelavant announcement) ago
B3 Chapter 7: A Place to Stay ago
B3 Chapter 8: First Outing ago
B3 Chapter 9: Job ago
B3 Chapter 10: Underground Meeting ago
B3 Chapter 11: The Monster in Whispergrove Forest (1) ago
B3 Chapter 12: The Monster In WhisperGroveForest (2) ago
B3 Chapter 13: The Monster In WhisperGroveForest (3) ago
B3 Chapter 14: The Monster In WhisperGroveForest (4) ago
B3 Chapter 15: The Monster In WhisperGroveForest (End) ago
B3 Chapter 16: Shimmer of Twilight (1) ago
B3 Chapter 17: Shimmer of Twilight (2) ago
B3 Chapter 18: Shimmer of Twilight (3) ago
B3 Chapter 19: Shimmer of Twilight (4) ago
B3 Chapter 20: Shimmer of Twilight (5) ago
B3 Chapter 21: Shimmer of Twilight (END) ago
B3 Chapter 22: Lead ago
Announcement, Questions, and Update. (What are the best parts about Reincarnation stories?) ago
B3 Chapter 23: Heart of the City ago
B3 Chapter 24 Deal (1) ago
B3 Chapter 25 Deal (2) ago
B3 Chapter 26: Deal (3) ago
B3 Chapter 27: Deal (4) ago
Chapter 28 Update and "arc" discussion + poll ago
B3 Chapter 28: Deal (5) ago
Reviews

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decemdies
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Correcting another reviewer and quick review

Accurate as of chapter 10.

EDIT: Accurate as of the latest chapter 48. 

 

First, I will be correcting one reviewer who misunderstood the character’s rage. The MC doesn’t go into unexplained rage. It is heavily hinted that the seal on the MC has to do with being unable to control his anger. The MC also goes into rage as he sees another person being beat up. So dear reviewer, i think it is rather unfair for you to say that it is unexplained. The cause behind his rage is unknown but not unexplained.

 

With all that said and done, here's a proper review for this story. I made a quick review a month ago and I have to give any potential readers a proper review of the story.

 

My review will be following the basic reviewing guide: http://royalroadl.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=21996

Style:

When talking about style, we are talking about consistency in story telling. This means when we describe a chronology of events or a scene happening, we can clearly see the flow of events.

Now,  EyeBall1844 doesn't have the best writing style. With the way he's writing, it seems he has yet to master the first person story-telling perspective. Mind you, this first-person perspective is very challenging to write well.

When EyeBall1844 started telling the story, he switched POV too many times. I've not checked if the earlier chapters have been edited or what not, but the POV switching made reading a kinda difficult.

HOWEVER, he has improved. At one point in the story, he decided to mainly tell the story through the protagonist.  

However, this has some weakness. He tells the story through the protoganist too much now. Because he tells the story through the protagonist, there are points in the story where it would be nice to hear of another person's POV or thoughts or motivations. We do get the backstory of a few minor characters but they're not really the characters we want to see in action.

If you're reading this, EyeBall1844, I strongly recommend to let us see Axel grow. I mean you finally revealed his background to us but the more I know him, the cooler i think he is. There are characters that you make us fall in love with. Please focus more on them.

 

Story:

The story initially started off kinda eh. That's because the plot didn't seem clear.  And right till the latest chapter, the plot still isn't really clear. There have been many arcs. However, we're not really sure how that factors in into everything. But one thing i'd like to make clear:

When you read this story, think of it as a collection of episodic chapters or arcs featuring the protagonist and returning characters. There's a lot of events but they feel more like things that happen daily throughout the life of our protagonist. Sometimes he beats bad guys. Sometimes, he goes to school and doesn't really do well there.  Sometimes, there are some chapters telling you of certain people's backgrounds.

-Don't discount this story because of the episodic arcs though unless episodic arcs aren't your thing. There have been arcs that were great. The latest arc from about chapter 35-ish to chapter 48 is arguably pretty good because we finally get to see the protagonist's background.

 

There is one complaint that I would like to emphasize:

It's not detailed that our character is growing in terms of strength. 48 chapters in and we don't really see if our characters have grown in strength. I mean, our protagonist is strong. But we never get the feel that he rises to a challenge. Instead, it's more like he always does what he can. Not that he does not struggle or lose. He DOES struggle. He DOES lose. Just not in terms of losing the war. He may lose the battle or faint later but he has yet to not accomplish his mission. 

Because of that, I haven't see him push himself to grow AFTER the whole arc is done. We've seen him show his ability and face enemies stronger than him. But what we need to see is if he's showing gradual improvement or mastery of current or new abilities. That makes a better story because we get more invested into a character who strives.

On the other hand, there is growth in relationship with quite a few other characters. But not the relationship with who i presume to be the main heroine hasn't grew a lot. I think it will happen soon. Maybe. 

 

The world: We've learned a lot yet our knowledge of the world is still somewhat murky. EyeBall1844 has described bits and pieces of the world, but i think it is time for a world map. That's long overdue.

 

Grammar and Vocabulary:

You might see that i've put a 3.5 stars for the grammar and vocabulary. First things first:

The grammar is good. The grammar is fine. In fact grammar isn't the reason for a deduction in stars.

The real reason i feel is his use of English. The prose that he uses to describe the events and ongoings of the story is not vibrant enough. Take a look at this section from Chapter 27. No worries, there aren't spoilers. He's just visiting the library:

Nothing in the library's changed, except for the new shelf. Normally it wouldn't be a big deal but these shelves hold at least a thousand books. They range from stories about the past, to gods, and to recent events. I don't know who has the time to write all these but they must really enjoy it.

"What kinds of books do you usually get Rainen?" Axel asks.

"Factual ones." I say.

"Boooring. You should at least read some fiction, you can learn a lot from those."

"And you can learn a lot from the factual ones too."

I walk up to the desk where Mr. Reader is at.

 Now you may argue that this is a boring section of the story to cut out and paste in this review and it may be unfair to use the mediocre parts of the writing, but i feel it's necessary to point out that vibrant use of vocabulary is fun to read. 

As you can see from the blockquote, the description is rather mundane from time to time. Often times, the prose that he's using is not enough to express what should be expressed: Personality from other characters and a clear and vivid scene of what's happening.

I know what you're thinking: "But that's the struggle of EVERY writer." 

Yes, i know. I'm just being a tad grumpy. I just want to nitpick on this because i feel that at this point, EyeBall1844 has improved enough to start varying his sentences and use more colorful language. When describing a place, it's much better to remark on the ambience, the color, the placement of things.

For example, let me describe a library for you:

Ah, our school library. As long as a hallway, as wide as an auditorium. Multiple rows of tables are placed in a structured x by x manner, forming a rectangular mass for students to sit and enjoy the golden crisp pages of these ancient books. Why they don't  use new copies of the book, i have no idea.  Maybe it's because there's a scent of paper that just permeates throughout the library. 

Where this smell permeates the strongest is in the giant shelves of books, resting in the background behind the tables. If you were attentive, you could see two flights of stairs, each hidden by the tall shelves and each flanking the left and right of the library. They lead to the second floor, shaped like a window frame with the first floor as it's picture if you looked down from above.

But to the denizens on this ground floor, we look to the heavens to see a picturesque stained glass, framed by the second floor, depicting our great savior, Lu Hua. The sunlight coming in blesses the plain green carpeted floor with more colors than it could ever wish for.

What a wonderful library this is. 

This description is far too detailed for a novel on this website. But i believe it illustrates the point that even describing the most mundane of things can be interesting as long as there's good command of vocabulary.

Notice that I've used a lot of adjectives, i've described the place, and i've talked a bit about how it FEELS to be in a library. If there's anything to focus on, EyeBall1844 needs to make us reader's feel the place around him.

Now, I don't expect EyeBall1844 to needlessly describe every place he goes to. That would just hinder the story. The example above is not suited to a novel. At least, not from what i'd expect.

I also don't expect him to improve his prose anytime soon because classes never did teach you how to express with words. Only books do. So learning how to express what you want to express is hard. I just wanted to show that he could benefit from widening the vocabulary.

 

Character:

The characters are likeable. The protagonist is strong. The main heroine is also strong but we've not seen her go all out yet. There is strong potential for these two if they became better partners. By better partners, I mean both of having better teamwork as a tag team(which they already are) and a deeper relationship. 

The strong potential is due to their contrasting yet matching personalities and abilities. The protagonist is more of a fighter than a mage. The heroine is pure mage. The protagonist has a more direct attitude towards talking to people and facing situations. The heroine is somewhat shy and hesistates then takes action.  There's this subtleness to their complementing abilities and personalities that makes me look forward to pairing them up.

There's also side characters. Axel, his friend from school is awesome. Confident, playful, used for comedic elements occasionally, he provides the vibrancy that our protagonist lacks. Mind you our protagonist is snarky sometimes so Axel complements this snarkiness. This is detailedly shown in the latest arc as of this review.

His master has a somewhat mischievous master although we don't see him much. There's a group of people the protagonist is working for and i'll refer to them as his coworkers. Note that he works for a vigilante sort of group where they patrol the town for @holes and take up jobs to beat bad guys.

Anyways, this is my personal opinion, but i don't really care about his coworkers. They're just that, coworkers. Their connection to our protagonist is not strong. They're events that make his coworkers like him more but they just don't feel like an important member of the story. To put it crudely, they're kinda like the side characters that would die if you had to kill someone in the story. I await to see their importance to the story.

SpartanLoki
  • Overall Score

Just to start I am not very good at giving reviews but here I go.

When I started reading the story it was a little slow but it hooked me with it's unique magic system. This being that no one has more than one affinity and if they do it usually leads to disaster in some form. I don't understand when people say the story is slow or uninteresting, is it because it actually is building towards something and not just constant action? The little moments actually build the characters more, you get to see how they react in different situations and understand their problems and what formed them into who they are. One thing that I'm usually not a big fan of is having more than one main character but in this story I like going back and forth between Rainen and Ellar. I love reading their awkward interactions between each other and getting to see both sides you know they both are interested in trying to understand the other but struggle because of their differences. Moving on I love how there is a deeper plot going on behind the daily experiences of the main characters, sometimes you get to see side characters that show the deceit and problems to come in the future. Overall I think this story is very enjoyable and would recommend others to give the story a try.

huk
  • Overall Score

Pretty good fiction. Idk why you take what people think so serious, just do what you want and enjoy, the story is quite interesting and its's  one of the few that has a realist feel to it.  Good job, keep it up!!!.   

LonelyMonster
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
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Until later that is. I know author guy from Reddit so don't take me way too seriously. Although, don't let this detract from your opinion of the review. Everything I say here is what I really think of the story.

 

The start of the story with all the pov changes were not the best but it has improved. He's much better at using the pov changes for things other than just showing an event from one person's view. By that I mean what they felt at the time.

 

The story is slow. Nothing has really happened yet but that's okay, that's why the character rating is so high but I'll get there. There really isn't any main story right now, it's more like the daily life of someone. That's great and all but I'd really like it if something happened soon, which I know will happen from what the new chapters look like.

 

The arcs are short and sweet, except for the new one, I really enjoyed that one. I get a feeling that this is all build up for something that's gonna happen soon.

 

Grammar is good. I just don't think he has a big enough vocabulary. Like my store of exotic words. Jk tho

 

Characters is where this is really good. I think so at least. The characters all have a personality and are different from each other. Sure some of them follow a sterotype but done all nowadays? It's not like the characters arnt their own person.

 

Second point. The lesser characters don't have their lives revolve around the lead characters. Each of them have their own lives to live and own problems to deal with. I also really like the chemistry between the characters, my favorite would be the smart girl and the best friend of the MC.

 

Everyone of them has their own backstories and reasons for being in the city. There's also this group, the Twelve. I like them, they seem like a sort of family that could have the MC belong in. So far, one of the characters in the group feels like a big brother to the MC.

 

I also enjoy that we don't learn of the MC's master directly but through the MC. We only get small bits and pieces but the master seems to be someone he admires a lot. Always longing to see him again, always thinking of the things that his master said to him.

 

The second MC is enjoyable for me. She seems like she has a reason for being the way she is and I can't wait to find out. That's aother thing. The MC and Secondary MC, have backstories that havent been revealed yet. Theyre given in little increments through the story.

 

Overall, the only real gripe i have with the story is the slow pacing at the start and the story that hasn't revealed itself yet but I'm sure that's going to be fixed soon. Characters seem like a good cast.

 

Btw can I post your other story on Wattpad? just pm me.

tarzan123
  • Overall Score

Interesting looking forward the next arc.

Well the story started a bit...awkward I wasn't really sure if I even want to continue with it. But after all these chapters I think it's pretty decent and at least worth giving it a shot.

lxg1k1
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 Did this review when i was at b2ch8.

My review is going to be brief.
The intro of this story is good and gets you hyped for the next chapters but that stops after a while and gets very annoying by the time i get to B2.

There are 2 main reasons for that:

  1. Too much focus on side characters. IT'S SO ANNOYING. If you delete half of the scenes from Ellar p.o.v there story would still be good. I dont mind them when it's to explain things from another pov or its something core for the story, but in your case you use them for useless dialogue and useless interactions between Ellar ,Elis and Iris. Once in a while it's okay but like a saying from my country "neither 8 nor 80"(basically neither too little nor too much).
  2. The mc growth is WAY too slow either in strengh or character. This is mainly because of the first reason but still i can not see improvement on rainer. He doesn't figure absolutely nothing about what is inside of him, his past is way too blurred for us readers, etc. The good aspects of his growth are the interactions he has with the '12', the headmaster and a few other characters. That part IS good but because of the focus on Ellar we mostly get those useless conversations between E.E.I. .

I'm only a reader and not a writer so the tips advices i'm going to give are based on my experience on the thousands of books i've read(literally thousands). 

  1. You probably figured this out already but i have to mention this again laughing. FOCUS on the MC. Mutliple p.o.v. are only good on certain stories like Game of Thrones because they use the p.o.vs to explain the world and it's politics, your story isn't like that so keep the p.o.vs to a minimum.
  2. This is a tip that coincides with the first. I can see you want to grow Ellar characther (obviously) and that is not bad if it doesn't ruin the mc growth which it does unfortunatly. You should either change the story to a duo mc story with ALOT more background on Ellar making her more interesting to read (but still tone down the interations between E.E.I.), or simply tone down the Ellis p.o.v. and use it for important parts, for mistery or when the story REALLY needs it.

This the most i can give right now. I dropped it right now but will probably reread it sometime in the future.

In a nutshell the story has a lot to give but its not used properly.

Keep it upsmile.

CandyMan
  • Overall Score

Better than some are giving it credit for.

Some people are saying that  he goes into unexplained rage, and that he gets a power burst for no reason.

Ok for one if you dont think that someone else getting beaten to shit is no reason to get angry then you are some closeted asshole who has lost contact with human society. For two  he was holding back, and for three, although its not explained that he got a power burst for nothing, it is pretty obvious that he has something sealed in him, as it says "whats inside me" a bunch. 

The characters are nice and the POV's are justified, to show why she was reacting, and besides we needed to know about her as a character an how she thought. Other than that, backstory is nice for Carlyle, so we can know more about him, like that he was learning advanced magic at a young age, hinting that hes very strong.

I cant find any mistakes in the grammar, and yes while not ALL that much has happened, its been only like 10 chapters, and at this length, there have been several key events.  

Greade
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I'll just list the goo and bad things that I've noticed so far:

Good Stuff:

  • Grammar is decent

Bad Stuff:

  • Story is basic and unoriginal
  • The little background we get is flimsy 
  • I managed to hate all of you characters by the 5th chapter
  • Unrealistic/Annoying character dialogue/reactions/actions
  • MC (Already forgot his name after 5 minutes) gets angry for no apparent reason as the lizard is getting beaten up (BECAUSE THERE IS NO SOLID BACKGROUND)
  • Your writing style seems particularly bad at some points (For example, when MC was in the arena and he was getting called to fight. You constantly kept saying that MC's magic was super weak and even had the MC think it to himself. But then he suddenly "Unleashes" and easily subdues the Bully guy. And BOOM suddenly MC is actually so powerful that he needs a seal...GG on that one)
  • Just the story/dialogue isn't interesting. I skipped at least 2/5 of this entire story so far because it was boring. You can't even blame me for skipping it either.
  • Why are there so many POV's, especially in the beginning of the story? That's like stretching the thin frame of this story even further. Instead of focusing on the MC's development, you already have multiple characters with flimsy backgrounds and no development.
  • Righteous MC who gets angry at the slightest injustice, MC with a massive power that requires a seal, Parents died in an accident during childhood...Just listing the unoriginal themes that make up YOUR ENTIRE STORY!!! Pick one or two and incorporate them into some original ideas.

I'm not going to say stop writing or anything, but you should try and improve your writing as you go on. I don't really care because I don't plan on reading this story anyway.

tonyorobsky
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10 chapters, so far so good

--Interesting main characters, on a good path to be well developped

--More description of the places where the characters are please, it's not good to leave everything to the imagination of the reader, you must give a base.

--Be carefull with the point of view. When the firl was introduced I didn't understand there were 3 people instead of 2 at the begining. Different points of view are nice, but avoid it when they are for the same event because it feels too much like reading the same thing again without much more (the battle, and when they are paired up. I think it would have been better to have her think about it at the end of the day.)

--A few mistakes with grammar

 

Iroo
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I have currently read chapter 43 and i m writting this review

The only problem i can find with this one is that is going slow and you propably need a proofreader (but dont worry you don t have anything too big)

But the extra time you give to the characters leave time to the readers to understand them a lilte better.

For those who perserved and read after the 4 chapter (please don t give reviews so early especialy if you just want to just to be a bich) they understand that MC has a lot going on his plate to deal.

I love the fact that i don t have to see all the training of the MC. 

And it seems you ve got a lot planned for the future a we see  the MC and also a lot from the rest to steadily revial their past. And it s not all honey and sugar.

I also like how you played with the story starting with now and giving flashback or mini selfdialogs for past events. Generally i found your storywritting refreshing.

I am awaiting for more .