The Slime Dungeon

by falcon167

Original Adventure Comedy Fantasy LitRPG Psychological Romance Magic Multiple Lead Characters Reincarnation Supernatural
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

[Participating in the NaNoWriMo] Death came on swift wings. A soul, blessed by a goddess, falls to the land and enters his new life. He clings to a single memory, the defining moment of his previous life. Now, he learns how to succeed in his new life, as a new dungeon heart. To become the best dungeon he can be, he partners with the one existence all dungeons need: his bonded Dungeon Pixie. This is the draft edition of the story for sale on amazon. Certain missing plot elements and mistakes are likely missing from this version. Support the author, support the cause.

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falcon167

falcon167

Bird of Prey

Achievements
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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Birth (short) ago
First Growth ago
Being a dungeon ago
Forming a dungeon ago
The first expedition ago
Final results ago
Back at the ranch ago
Dynamic relations ago
Mixed Relations ago
First Crossroad ago
Unexpected regrets ago
Chapter 11- Developments ago
Change ago
Living through the dungeon experience ago
No Chap, need help. Chap later today ago
Claire's secret ago
News and Revelations ago
New company ago
New Company Part 2 ago
Bloody Good Time ago
Lesson of Loot ago
The Stones Start to Roll ago
Last Improvements ago
The last of them ago
Finale (Part 1) ago
Finale (Part 2) ago
Epilogue ago
Book 1 changes not on RRl ago
Prologue- The Price of Victory ago
Chapter 1- Decision (*) ago
Chapter 2- Plans (*) ago
Chapter 3- A New World (*) ago
Chapter 4- The mines (*) ago
Chapter 5- Elf thoughts (*) ago
Chapter 5.1- Being human (*) ago
Chapter 6- Arrival (*) ago
Chapter 7- An In-depth View (Part 1) ago
Chapter 7- An In-depth View (part 2) ago
Chapter 7- An In-depth View (part 3) ago
Chapter 8- Lesson ago
It's up- the book is published ago
The new slime chart- I'm still here ago
Chapter 9- The church + (finished updating all the chapters) ago
Chapter 10- A Dungeon's thoughts ago
Chapter 11- The First Church Meeting ago
Chapter 12- Lost and confused ago
Chapter 13- Evolution ago
Chapter 14- Elvin Delights (Part 1) ago
Chapter 14- Elvin Delights (Part 2) ago
Chapter 15- Ending the Night with a Bang ago
Chapter 16- Emergency Quest; Save the Town! (Part 1) ago
Chapter 16- Emergency Quest; Save the Town! (Part 2) ago
Chapter 17- Plan the Counter Attack ago
Chapter 18- Negotiation? ago
Chapter 19- The Plan ago
Chapter 19.5- The Last Bond (Side story) ago
Chapter 20- Scout ago
Chapter 21- Begin The Assault! ago
Chapter 22- Punishment ago
Chapter 23- Doors of the heart (Part 1) ago
Chapter 23- Doors of the Heart (Part 2) ago
Chapter 24- Sentinel (Part 1) ago
Battle Music thread ago
Chapter 24- Sentinel (Part 2) ago
Chapter 25- Miracle ago
Epilogue ago
Q&A IS LIVE ago
The changes made to Book 2 ago
Prologue- Welcome to the Dungeon ago
Chapter 1 *- It's still a problem ago
Chapter 2 (part 1)- Final Test ago
Chapter 2 (Part 2)- The Final Test ago
Chapter 3 (Part 1)- Testing One's Metal ago
Chapter 3 (Part 2)- Testing Ones Metal ago
Chapter 3 (Part 3)- Testing One's Metal ago
Chapter 4 (Part 1)- Drowned, Smashed, Shocked, or Burned ago
Chapter 4 (Part 2)- Drowned, Smashed, Shocked, or Burned ago
Chapter 5* - The Knifed Zombie ago
Chapter 6- Pantheon of Darkness ago
Chapter 7 (Part 1)- Past is Future ago
Chapter 7 (Part 2)- Past is Future ago
Chapter 7 (Part 3)- Past is Future ago
Chapter 8 (Part 1)- Tooth, Claw, and Dagger ago
Chapter 8 (Part 2)- Tooth, Claw, and Dagger ago
Chapter 9 ago
Chapter 10- Doc's Return ago
Chapter 11- We are You ago
Chapter 12 - Time for an Upgrade ago
Chapter 13- A Dungeon Environment ago
Chapter 14- Dungeon Punishment ago
The January Update: smooth sailing ago
Chapter 15- A Royal Rescue ago
Chapter 16 (Part 1)- A boy and a prince walk through a gate ago
Chapter 16 (Part 2)- A boy and prince walk through a gate ago
Chapter 17- Tidings ago
Chapter 18- Magic ago
Chapter 19- Potential ago
Chapter 20 ago
Reader Participation: Want to help finish the book? ago
Side story- Gretony/ Life of a slime ago
Chapter 21- Learning, Teaching, Obeying ago
Chapter 22- Resolve ago
Chapter 23- Ambush ago
Chapter 24- Consequences of Hate ago
Chapter 25- Failed Perception ago
Epilogue ago
Prologue ago
Book 3 is live on Amazon ago
Chapter 1.5 ago
Chapter 1 ago
Chapter 2 ago
Vol. 4 Chapter 3 (part 1) ago
Vol. 4 Chapter 3 (Part 2) ago
Vol. 4 Chapter 4 ago
Vol. 4 Chapter 5 ago
Vol. 4 Chapter 6 (part 1) ago
Vol. 4 Chapter 6 (part 2) ago
Vol. 4 Chapter 7 *** ago
Quick Poll ago
Vol. 4 Chapter 8 *** ago
Vol. 4 Chapter 9 ago
Vol. 4 Chapter 10 ago
Final Exams week followed by double chapter days. ago
Current status: because life ago
Reviews

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sumofallwars
  • Overall Score

I consumed this story like it was a drug

Copy pasta of my post in Finale (Part 2)02/12/15

This is my first post on the site. I have been a long time lurker.

I consumed this story like it was a drug, your writing and descriptions left enough to the imagination while still giving me a good mental picture of the characters and the action . Your early chapters had me guessing as to where you would take the story. It looked like you were planing for a 100 + chapter story with all the background and little details you have added that I absolutely loved.It created the world around him that set tone for why adventures would continue to risk their lives to gain some treasure/fame.You have also just barely touched on what other races are out there. When I read your post about how this might be your last chapter in this story I almost fell out of my chair in surprise since I thought you already had some grand plans about the story. Please continue, honestly this story looks like it is just getting started. You had me all excited about the "Floating Dungeons" concept that is completely unique. You have laid down some good ground work for expanding Docs horizons and about him rediscovering himself. I would call this a great foundation and the first arc of an impressive story.

As for your writing skills, I have zero complaints and have felt you have no problems creating imagery or telling a story. The only suggestion I would have is adding more background details. Things like what other dungeons are like and how the humans are constantly weighing Docs worth vs his danger. It's interesting to see the dynamic of risk vs reward from a dungeons perspective and how this whole relationship with the outside world benefits them into taking that risk. Sometimes you have very little in the way of fluff about how doc does what he does. I know it doesn't really matter how he does it but without a description to picture doc's "instance" ability I have a hard time believing it or understanding how it would work practically for him.

I would write a review or leave one if I could figure out how Tongue

Hope you keep on writing this story as it has been the highlight of my mornings for the past few weeks. (also I vote he becomes a sky dungeon cause that sounds awesome)

excreed
  • Overall Score

In the first book after the death of princess diana retained her memories but after the first book she Does not

and the way the mc wakes up changes as well

 

Storyhunter
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Interesting & worth reading for cute laughs ( very good for a somewhat unplanned NaNoWriMo)

This is a Dungeon story but unlike some others it starts with a dungeon who is smart but does not know much with the mentality of a teen aged man who lost his memories and winds up as a dungeon. He gets some help along the way and then the story has a fun/cutesy relational bit that creates a kind of unique charm that keeps you coming back.

to author

style, character and story are marked down a point because the story feels unpolished, unplanned and  unprepared. I realize you are going for the challenge and that is a large part of this and pushing writing out is good and all but keep in mind that it shows. This does not feel like a story with a well layed out plot and character structures it seem like it is trying to find out how it will grow as you write it. This can work but you should in my mind take a few days and lay some more ground work for the story to help with that problem.

you could ask the readership for ideas. setting up a idea post is what quite a few writers have done with mixed results yes but they were able to get more ideas to work with.

back to readership and penguins of royal road

This for the first 14 chapters feels rushed because it is a November challenge novel. This is just the way this one currently is and from many who take up the challenge this is what you should expect. But the entertainment value is there. The working imagination is there.

This story & author deserve the communities support because if the author can do this on a time crunch what could they craft with more concentration and time.

God Bless Storyhunter 

patlıcan
  • Overall Score

Fun to read to an extent, but average quality work overall filled with glaring shortcomings. I love dungeon stories so that is probably why I enjoy fast-reading this from time to time despite its negative points.

 

Characters are mostly unrealistic and does not feel like real people. They usually have a goal or a quirk that defines their entire being and they move and act according to them. This would be fine for characters who make short appearances but they stick around without ever being fleshed out as a real person. Their thought processes are either lacking or non-existent at all. Generally, i feel like they do things just because.

The MC knows some pretty weird things, despite needing to be thought some simple things. He made some conclusions that just made me go "how the hell did he get that?". 

 

Another negative is, world building. World building is really lack luster. In fantasy stories like this I like to have some solid world building. Here, world building mostly consists of "things are the way they are because reasons!". 

 

Story, pretty standard dungeon story, is okay. Story telling, not so much. Idea of a species coexisting with dungeons is pretty cool. Doc and Claire's interactions could be handled much better though.

 

Grammar is passable. I admit to being a bit of a grammar nazi when reading, but I can't find more than a handful of stories that actually fulfill my standards on rrl so I learn to be lenient about it here. Though, consistently wrong used words really bother me. Please differentiate between "thorough", "threw", "thorough" etc... Proofread is needed.

 

It is not all bad. I would say, overall,  it is about an average story for this site. If you like this kind of stories, you may enjoy it.

jburge1
  • Overall Score

Too many unimportant POV's

I really enjoy the dungeon building aspect of this story, but anytime the author moves away from that, and onto other characters I lose interest.  

slay_mithos
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Fairly good dungeon story

Dungeon story, with slimes, so the basis is good, and it doesn’t go too deep in the “game-like” genre, with quantifiable stats everywhere.

 

The author definitely is not at a pro writer level (yet), with style and grammar being a bit lacking, but nothing experience and feedback can’t fix.

 

By style, I mean everything, from descriptions to the flow of the story. It is by no mean bad, but abusing the “no actual memory” syndrome to cover the lack of description makes the story slightly worse as a result.

I am not saying everything needs to be overly descriptive, but aside from vague descriptions on forms and colours, we know very little about any of the characters that seem to be important for the story, even on the two main characters.

For example (slight spoiler of the first chapters), the “companion” builds a small home for itself, and it is specified that it decorates it and makes furnitures for it, but even the scenes happening in that place don’t really describe it much (if at all).

It is small things like that that could really push the style to a higher level.

 

For grammar, it’s not all that bad, but there are definitely cases where wrong words are used, or some phrases that are off because of the construction.

Again, nothing experience and feedback can’t fix, and definitely not as bad as quite a few novels on this site (some are even hard to understand, and quite a few have a lot of grammatical errors), but worth mentioning, so that the author and readers are aware of it.

 

As for the characters, I am near the end of the first book, and none of the characters are really built upon, they have a name, we know roughly how they act, but that’s about it, making it a bit hard to care about them.

This seems to be a thing that’s hard to do right for writers, with two sides doing it “wrong”, the lacklustre like here, and the over developed one-dimentional, and not being able to write anything decent myself, I have no idea on how to do it right, as even some high profile books/movies/games don’t do it particularly right.

 

At least we don’t have the trope of “I have knowledge from my old world and I’m making a harem” (at least for now), or the “I don’t want to hurt anyone even when I’m back stabbed”, so there is that.

 

 

I know all of this sounds hyper critical, especially from someone that is not able to write something even close to this, but it comes from me enjoying the novel overall and wanting the author to learn as he goes, to be able to write even better as it goes on (and his future works too).

 

I still recommend reading it if you are have an interest in the “I’m the dungeon master” type of novels like me, because there are things to like in there.

 

EDIT: 5 stars means "no way to improve" or "perfect" for me, 2.5 means it's not that great, and bellow that means sub par, so 3 stars is already "ok" on my scales, and 5 would mean that it's more or less perfect.

Those are my personal rules for noting, I'm just putting it here so that there is no confusion for the people that see 4 and bellow as "bad".

fanobody
  • Overall Score

Arc 1 is god but after...

The first arc was 5/5 but after that there was a time where you had posted chapter that were removed then reposted but with minimal change then reremoved then rereposted the same chapter on 10 chapter so on 10 chapter i had the feling that i had already read many part.

 

And the dialog:

«"Damnation," Jare cursed as he saw a body rise, "These skeleton foot soldiers are bad enough, but those animated corpses are going to make this worse." Jare turned to Anhel, who was firing away with his magic. "Anhel, I need the spirit of the owl to connect me."

"Jare, that will debilitate you for the rest of the day. We need you here." Anhel was fully concentrating on the battle at hand as his fireball smashed through another skeleton"

"It's fine; as long as they know what to do we can easily survive this first night. Hurry!"»

 

They are fighting an army of undeath and they have the time to talk?

The dialog in themselve are robotic or  like the perso have a text and they read it and all the perso talk like this after arc 1. Even this text was taken at hazard chapter after arc 1 and is not the worst, just one of the many.

The story is still good but the bad dialog realy broke the story  and also the chuunibyou like : i have a great power but using it take year of my life cough cough.

Shenfara
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Welp, i've enjoyed reading your chapters so far and it's a shame that you'd even consider dropping this story. You've got a batch of readers who wait for them chapters and they do what every  greedy leech enjoys doing, they read them! and some ask for more :D

This story is not on a grand scale like some other stories with a plot so thick and deep you'd drown in it, no. This is one simple yet effective dungeon reincarnation story that gives what it said it would give. what's more is that the story has potential for improvement and for becoming a much bigger one, with a larger world and all. 

To end my lame review, because i'm a failure as a reviewer and optionally human being, i'd just like to ask you to keep writing this story, because if you keep writing, we'll keep reading and cheering on you! but if you decide to stop it here, i'll not hate you and search for you to kill you and your goldenfish. worry not!

Yours, Mr. banana the bear penguin.

xion03
  • Overall Score

Gets inconsistent after that. Probably because he doesn't summarize the changes he made for the amazon version but still writes the royal road version as a continuation to the ebook. This creates a discrepancy between the volumes that threw me off 

Tyyphoon
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Couldn't put it down (Figuratively speaking)

I feel as though you have done a marvelous job. regardless of the fact that this is your 'draft' I feel that it has come out in a very positive way. The descriptions of characters, as well as back stories are all feasible and realistic. You've also done a splendid job of implementing life like conversations, it makes me feel like I'm there with Doc and everyone else. 

 

I think that you have done a good job of grasping every ones moral standings as well as how you developed Docs thought process too. I look forward to your next addition and will most likely read the revised version on kindle!