Coeus?

by Andur

Original Action Comedy Fantasy Psychological Romance School Life Sci-fi Slice of Life Supernatural Virtual Reality Tragedy
Warning This fiction contains mature content
Author's Comment:
I was asked about reading my work on other sites.
The answer is simple: Currently I am not active in any other networks than royalroadl.com. Only here, I correct mistakes and errors.

If you read it anywhere else and have to pay for it, or have to deal with an annoying amount of advertisement, You Are Being Betrayed.
You would do good if you make other people in that network aware of it. This is a free project of mine for the purpose of having fun. And if people try to make money with it you shouldn't bother visiting their website.

The only one whom I actually allowed to have my work on his website is Armaell who invested the time to compile them into pdf.
(http://armaell-library.net/author/andur)

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About a boy who isn’t quite normal and doesn’t see himself as a human being, but is taught differently as he finds out about the world's secrets. Though not everyone is happy about his existence.

This is inteded to evolve into a full blown space opera with elements of magic thrown into it.

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The OneShot goes FullStory. Trying to go a little more SciFi and alternate reality this time.

I am not entirely sure how this fiction will turn out. And I am not sure on the tags either. They may change. Bear with it.
As always, how chapters turn out is up to my mood.
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Author
Andur

Andur

Phantasm

Achievements
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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
1. ~Coeus.~ ago
2. ~Patient.~ ago
3. ~New Family.~ ago
4. ~Truth and Lie.~ ago
5. ~Test.~ ago
6. ~Walk in the park.~ ago
7. ~Visitor.~ ago
8. ~State of things.~ ago
9. ~First Day.~ ago
10. ~Self Defence.~ ago
11. ~Future.~ ago
12. ~Cake.~ ago
13. ~Ed.~ ago
14. ~Science Project.~ ago
15. ~Conspiracy Theories.~ ago
16. ~Reasons for being avoided.~ ago
17. ~No friends.~ ago
18. ~Target.~ ago
19. ~Launch.~ ago
20. ~Recommendation.~ ago
21. ~Search.~ ago
22. ~Ego.~ ago
23. ~Pain.~ ago
24. ~Meetings.~ ago
25. ~Waiting.~ ago
26. ~Hunt.~ ago
27. ~Encounter.~ ago
28. ~Presents.~ ago
29. ~Return.~ ago
30. ~Earth.~ ago
31. ~Dispatched.~ ago
32. ~Evolution.~ ago
33. ~Appointment.~ ago
34. ~Parents.~ ago
35. ~Kaus Borealis.~ ago
36. ~Non Verbal.~ ago
37. ~State of things.~ ago
38. ~Bad dreams.~ ago
39. ~Trouble.~ ago
40. ~A little Trip.~ ago
41. ~Thoughts.~ ago
42. ~Unforeseen Reactions.~ ago
43. ~Illegal trespassing.~ ago
44. ~New Respect.~ ago
45. ~Taking a break.~ ago
46. ~A new calling.~ ago
47. ~Piece of advice.~ ago
48. ~All in one.~ ago
49. ~Meetings.~ ago
50. ~Coffee.~ ago
51. ~More than it seems.~ ago
52. ~Declaration.~ ago
53. ~Repercussions.~ ago
54. ~Addition.~ ago
55. ~Party for all.~ ago
56. ~Stopover.~ ago
57. ~Daily Life.~ ago
58. ~Another.~ ago
59. ~Issues.~ ago
60. ~Visit.~ ago
61. ~Baby.~ ago
62. ~Hospitality.~ ago
63. ~Searching for help.~ ago
64. ~Mutual Understanding.~ ago
65. ~In a way.~ ago
66. ~Investigation.~ ago
67. ~Post-It.~ ago
68. ~Reactions.~ ago
69. ~Thoughts.~ ago
70. ~Teleportation.~ ago
71. ~Puppeteers.~ ago
72. ~Diplomatic visit.~ ago
73. ~Waiting.~ ago
74. ~Blunt Words.~ ago
75. ~Hidden Machinations.~ ago
76. ~Salvation?~ ago
77. ~A Trade.~ ago
78. ~Shell Game.~ ago
79. ~Matryoshka doll.~ ago
80. ~Shadow of the past.~ ago
81. ~Atropos.~ ago
82. ~Losses.~ ago
83. ~0010=2~ ago
84. ~Mainframe.~ ago
85. ~Hello World!~ ago
86. ~Deus.~ ago
87. ~Acquainted.~ ago
88. ~A Loss.~ ago
89. ~For money.~ ago
90. ~What if...~ ago
91. ~Epilogue I~ ago
92. ~Epilogue II~ ago
New Project started. ago
Reviews

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mufarasu
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Another Great Potential Read

I find that you’re one of the better authors on RR, and that really anything I say will have been said before in one of your other works. So I’ll just be mentioning some things that stand out and some ways I think you can improve.

 

First off there’s the mixing up of character names Celestial/Stella/Sariel. It’s happened in every one of your works, and it’s really immersion breaking when it does.

 

Second, it’s not really bad, but all of your works are really similar. Whether it be the characters, or the world around them(namely their interaction with the world). If you want to improve I’d suggest trying different character personalities, environments, morals, events, goals, and aspirations, etc. Maybe try out some other writing style you aren’t familiar with too.

 

Third, after reading your works I tend to notice the general vagueness in everything. Ex: Magic system, world in general, character personality,  other people and so on. It’s not to the degree where it’s bad, but after reading your stories it starts to stand out because of the similarities between your works. This could be fixed by changing up your style and experimenting with other modes of writing, or changing your subject matter, or by going into detail and explaining what is necessary. It may take more chapters, but it would improve your work.

 

I’ll also mention that in Beyond?  I felt the characters where somewhat vague. that may have to do with all the multiple POV’s or the amount of interaction we saw between the characters. Alot of interaction was implied behind the scenes, but it would still be nice to see some of it to better establish more character depth. I think that the way you write now would be perfect for the side characters in a story. They’d have depth, but not too much to make them a protagonist.

 

TL;DR I’d like to see more character depth through interaction, and more detail in your work in general.

 

*minor spoiler*

Fourth, I just wanted to mention I really liked what you did with Gideon’s perspective in Chapter 3. When his Grandma was smiling at him and he saw it as she was bearing her teeth at him. That was a nice touch.

 

In the end, if you’re writing for fun then just keep doing what you’re doing, but if you want to improve then you need to start experimenting with your work trying out different characters, writing styles, environments ( Worlds, maybe a non-magic world?), etc. Regardless, I enjoy reading your stories and look forward to see what else you’ll write.

 

Thank you.

fanvaron
  • Overall Score

Good story, horrible description

I like the story, I really was into space opera stories a few years back, and seeing one here is really nice, the magic space thing goes well together. I find the pacing a little bit jumbled, I don't know how to descripe it, it kinda jumps from arc to arc without much of a transition.

But this description is just horrible, I just saw this story again on the front Page. And I read the description and throught "mah doesn't sound that interesting" untill I realised what it was.

The description, does not deserve the name, it descripes nothing more than the first paragraph of the story, and does not create interest in the story at all. Which is sad, because I think quite a few people skiped this because the description didn't rouse their interest

wohlzy
  • Overall Score

Review of the story completed

First of all this is another Andur's story, it mean that it's good, won't extend on this since all the comment above will explain why it's good better than me.

I enjoyed the story up to chapter 68-69ish I think, the idea was original and it got me hooked, and every chapter i readed was fun, but at some point i don't know why but i suddenly decided to jump at the end to conclude my travel in this story.

Several things made me do this, First of all was the mother of the mc, in the first chapters I hated her for what she did to her son/(experiment) like serioulsy, she don't have the right to be called a mother after what she did even in the weird logical world of the techno-mages. Then she became an annoying shadow for the mc with what we learn about her, with Gideon's personnality i expected a cold blooded execution like he did with everybody that was annoying him. 

But then she grew as some sort of "final boss", unreachable, untouchable all along the story, at least up to the chapter i stopped it was still the case (2/3-3/4 of the story ?) And I was waiting for her "execution" like it was hinted it would happen by the mc and other character but it never came and I kinda grew bored since she was gaining more and more screen time showing her power and annoying-level without anything done by the mc but just "enduring".

So i skipped to the last chapter to answer the question "So what happen in the end ?" but i got quite disapointed by what i saw, won't spoil about it but it definitely wasn't what i was expecting, "Happy ending" shouldn't happen with this kind of character.

The last thing i grew bored with was the "enduring" part. To resume, 80% of the vagina population in this story is "above" the mc in any kind of relationship.

The mc is litteraly dominated by almost every woman important to the story that cross his path. I don't understand why. I'm not asking the mc to be above, i'm asking for equality. Some part almost made me punch a wall like for exemple the moment where the mc casually accepted to be under in the relationship with his wife because he got to have interesting sex... just no, this reduce the mc to a sex addict that accept everything as long as he can fuck and show his wife as a manipulating woman that lead her man by the nose using her pussy. It's just one exemple among other but each time it happen, even if 90% of the time it doesn't influence the story, i cringe really hard because to me it doesn't represent a "healthy" relationship. If only this mindset was only applied to a minority of characters it could make things interesting but here it's common sense that "women are above" (maybe a harsh way to say it because it's a very little part of the story but still, andur's stories always have womens above mens in most case).

Anyway after all this rant I can't say it's a bad story, it's really good be it for grammar, style, characters etc.. but just these 2 points made me skip to the end and quit. Hope whoever read this review will enjoy the story.

Tembulon
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  1. Just the usual andur story  honestly. Awesome setting, misleading synopsis, awesome characters forced main relationship. Wacky relationships for comedy skits. Slightly pussy whipped MC to put him/her down a notch when they get too big headed. Not saying it's a bad story because it's actually my favorite one. Just that the lack of anything new to character development is getting annoying. Still gonna read this  to the end. Though
bebras
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Another masterpiece in the making

Just from the first couple of chapters it's obvious that this is going to be as good as author's previous stories or even better. Style is great as always, grammar much better than 95% of other works on this site. Extremely hyped for future chapters !!!

YungMoolah
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Great start to a new story !

Socially inept MC? Check

Good world building? Check (?)(I thought it was ahaha)

Badass family members? Check

Sadistic and ruthless grandmother/mother? Who knows, Andur might surprise us with a functional family.

So far with the four chapters, i think it’s shaping out to be another awesome story. (I am a bit biased though because I’ve absolutely loved the previous fictions of Andur).Similar MC to previous fiction but still entertaining. Style and grammer are on point as well. Also loving the info dumps at the start of the chapter.Making me thirsty af for more Coeus. 

(I had a whole conspiracy theory about the word coetus being add in later chapters and i was like LOL COEUS AND COETUS?!? HUR HUR HUR but then it turns out that its actually spelled coitus and im an idiot) 

prokaryotic24
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Definitely a work of one of the best authors on this site.

GloriousButtocks
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I'm here to say one thing....

Dis es de bes stwory evar. 19/10 Erm lurv'n it.

(Seriously tho, thumbs up to Andur. One of my all time fav's.)

Tacolegend
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Excited for another great story

I'm honestly flabbergasted that you could write so many great different stories. I'm very excited by what you can do and can't wait to see where you will take this story.^.^

Tyyphoon
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Oh man... Looking forward to more

I don't even need to read past whats been finished and I can already tell I'm going to love this!

I am just oozing with anticipation, I hope you can keep a steady development on this series because I know this'll be one that I end up following really close.