Monsters Dwell in Men

by Monsoon117

Original Adventure Fantasy Horror Grimdark Male Lead Multiple Lead Characters Non-Human lead Strong Lead Supernatural
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Traumatising content

There once was a world formed by a god known as Gaia. She filled the seas and crafted the skies. She dominated her world with a fist of iron and ice. That is, until the Darkened One came.

Born a mere man, The Darkened One traveled across the land like a plague, tearing Gaia's control away. In his legends, he stood tall and towering with skin gray as ash. If you defied him, he would eat your flesh from your bones, savoring your screams.

He killed kings, brought nightmares to life, and devoured the remnants of Gaia. His legend will be told throughout time.

Care to hear of it? 

Here is the sequel: Jehovah's Harmony

Here is my other fiction: Biomancer: Songs of Sirens 

Proud initiate of The Order of Phantasmal Architects. A group of authors of quality original fiction. See link for other great works though not as good as mine...jk

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Monsoon117

Monsoon117

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
1 Cataclysm ago
2 Subjugation ago
3 Oppression ago
4 Bedrock and Famine ago
5 My Madness ago
Chapter 6: Dichotomy ago
Chapter 7: Refuge ago
Chapter 8: Collision ago
Chapter 9: Home ago
Chapter 10: Consolidation ago
Chapter 11: Deceit ago
Chapter 12: Divergence ago
Chapter 13: Betrayal and Loyalty ago
Chapter 14: Occam's Razor ago
Chapter 15: Passion ago
Chapter 16: Contingency ago
Chapter 17: Reality ago
Chapter 18: Undertaking ago
Chapter 19: Austerity ago
Chapter 20: Discipline ago
Chapter 21: Encounter ago
Chapter 22: Allure ago
Chapter 23: Chaos ago
Chapter 24: Truth ago
Chapter 25: Power ago
Chapter 26: Restore ago
Chapter 27: Escalation ago
Chapter 28: Release ago
Chapter 29: Decimation ago
Chapter 30: Corruption ago
Chapter 31: Admittance ago
Chapter 32: Requiem ago
Chapter 33: Demon ago
Chapter 34: Cognizance ago
Chapter 35: Juggernaut ago
Chapter 36: Covenant ago
Chapter 37: Focus ago
Chapter 38: Aether ago
Chapter 39: Divulge ago
Chapter 40: Remorse ago
Chapter 41: Accomplice ago
Chapter 42: Carnage ago
Chapter 43: Dawn ago
chapter 44: Resolve ago
Chapter 45: Lair ago
Chapter 46: Creation ago
47: Fire ago
Chapter 48: Resilience ago
Chapter 49: Abolition ago
Chapter 50: Artificing ago
Chapter 51: Eruption ago
Chapter 52: Depravity ago
Chapter 53: Chance ago
Chapter 54: Unstoppable ago
Map of Alta, Jack's world ago
Reviews

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Kbnnfx
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Excellent and well written

So here we go:

 

I’m certain this will not be a popular response – as it is slightly critical – but due to the effusive praise in the vast majority of reviews, I felt it necessary to give a dissenting voice in the hope the writer will strive to improve rather than rest upon his laurels. 

 

While the author clearly has a broad vocabulary, at time he seems to choose words solely based on their complexity, rather than their suitability.  Multiple times I found myself reviewing the definition of a word and realizing it was inappropriate for its sentence. I understand the MC is supposed to be an untutored genius, so some mistakes are expected/encouraged, but as he is defined by his fluency it is a bit jarring to find the aforementioned  issues sprinkled in EVERY chapter.  

 

The main characters are strong, and developing nicely, but still fall into the stereotypes one associates with this type of fiction. Deluge is a brilliant construct but I feel the majority of side characters could be ‘copy pasted’ from any of a number of popular web fictions. While it is certainly not wrong to keep within genre and evolve through the Campbellian mono-myth, I was hoping for a darker devolution in this tale.

 

That being said, this is still an incredible and worthwhile read. It is a unique take on the standard trope of an overpowered protagonist and his journey. I look forward to reading more and hope that my comments are taken as constructive criticism and NOT as a denouncement of this excellently thought out piece of literature. 

Wolfram1
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Godly style cuppled with a unique story

It feels like i’m reading the Necronomicon again, at least style wise. It had me hooked the moment i read the first sentence and that merely due to your style. When the story then began picking itself up and transforming into a genuine fantasy story that is both unique and incredibly thrilling, i simply had to review this.(i’m at chapter 12 at the time of this review)

 

Style-wise its top notch while different from most. Not much to say about that.

-I personally love your stile, but that’s not a very objective way to say it :)-

 

The story is evolving around just one person (at he moment) and his inner conflict, which will undoubtedly pick up in intensity the further he merges with the parasite and other souls/bodies this one absorbs.

 

The authors use of grammar is as near perfect as can be, i haven’t found a singe mistake(which doesn’t mean much sadly)but your story feels perfectly fluid.

 

Character-development is a bitch, not in your story though. I cant wait to see whether he will become one with legion, forming it after his image in the process or if his seemingly futile struggle for a free will and self will prevail. His surroundings also feel alive rather than introducing persons only when they are needed (like in so many other stories).

 

I am sorry for my lack of skill in writing reviews, all i want to say is that its worth reading.

edge363
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So unique it hurts my eyes/Incredibly Whimsical situations

Just wow! Huge balls to write a story with actual style as opposed to a weird way of telling it. Takes a lot of effort to enjoy something like this, but it is funnnnnn. 

 

Style- Perfect! YOU DO YOU 

story- Just keep going man, charge that righteous path into prominent poet/authordom

update-we now see the main character and this crazy parasite guy. THE MOST UNIQUE CHARACTERS TO EVER EXIST, and the story following the MC shows a lot of depth to the actual world. 

Grammar- good, obviously edits and proofreads, thats all I ask as a reader.

Character- Just awesome development so far. I get the picture that the MC is this pretty boy naive little fuck, but then is super willing to do WHATEVER it takes to survive. Eats bugs but talks to thugs. Now we have a crazy parasite that looks at humans as nothing at all. The MC and him will surely interact in just the weirdest ways imaginable.

 CASE AND POINT COMMUNIST PIGS

 

LOL-At the bottom reviews. "I am gonna give you a myeh review cause you haven't gotten one."

 

Drakannon
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This is easily one of the greatest stories  in the making on royalroadlegends.  The style of the writing is amazing, while it is a bit dark, every single bit of it matches the setting of the story, and is crucial for the story to go on. The main character is also incredibly poetic, and how the author manages to write like that just completely alludes me.

The plot is also unique as well, I can guarantee that its one of a kind, and if it isn’t, at least no one has pulled it off quite as well at this guy has.

As for grammar, well no really noticeably flaws. As long as your not an english professor with a major case of OCD you’ll be fine.

The only thing that annoys me is the odd coincedences that just happen. There not incredibly plot altering, but they just appear. (Slight spoiler) Like being attacked by 6 legged cats and nearly bleeding out right after scolding a noble for not knowing what he had to do just to survive. Normally I wouldn’t pick on such details, but your story is really good and because of that imma be extra picky. Just read the story, you wont regret it.  This story needs the views. How a story that can easily be top 5 in my book has less than a thousand views on average boggles my mind.

BTW, If the author is reading this, pls have more action scenes! I need MOOOAAARRR!

lutexv
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Progression through constructive language

The first thing for you to know if you want to read this novel is that the language used plays a major role in the story.

 

In the beginning of this piece (especially the pilot), you will find a language that values beauty over function and uses emotion to build image. While at first hard to properly appreciate if you don't usually read stuff like that (even more to non-native English speakers), it will grow on you. Before you notice, feelings and emotions will be able to evoke images in your mind, and those images will build the story. This way of storytelling is not only pleasant in itself but also refreshing in the midst of grammatically simple stories common on this website. 

 

But it will not end there.

 

As the plot progresses, so does the language. The main character suffers new experiences and changes for better or worse. Be it by his own choice or by the influence of the outworldly entities with whom he shares his mind, his excessive eloquence gives way to a growing cold and ruthless personality. Along with the main character's detachment from the intangible, the language also becomes more concise and understandable. Function becomes a worry.

 

While I don't know if the author did it intentionally, I saw this growing clarity only receding in the moments in which music is described. It could have been done as a matter of necessity, given the inherent nature of music as an emotional art, or in order to indicate the deep affection with which the main character regards music, and that no matter how much he changes, his music will remain untouched.

 

Also worth noticing, the same way the main character is influenced by those beforementioned entities, they are also influenced by the main character's humanity. Under the growing friendship between the entity and the main character, there is a deep moral debate about the pros and cons of freedom and communion.

 

And finally, I would like to point to a few other works that the author might or might not have draw inspiration from. If you liked those elements of those works, it is quite possible you will like this novel as well:

 

[WARNING: Minor Spoilers Ahead]

 

Jim Butcher's Codex Alera series - The Vord species of Codex Alera is a insectoid species that values communion and function above all. They prey on the flesh of the dead to build unstoppable  armies with the sole purpose of integrating all life of the world. This novel has the appearance of a similar species with similar goals.

Parasyte (Kiseijuu) - Kiseijuu also has a parasitic species very similar to the one present in this novel. They rely on their hosts being alive to survive and are able to augment their human hosts with superior strength and agility. Similar to this novel, Kiseijuu's main character also has his personality changed by his experiences and influence of Migi (His parasyte) and Migi also is influenced by the MC's humanity by the end (Greatly recommend to those who have not read it).

Patrick Rothfuss's Kingkiller Chronicles - This novel values music quite similarly to the way The Name Of The Wind does. Kvothe composes pieces from the sound and feeling of nature, as does Jack (this novel's MC). They are able to rally allies through their talent and they show their passion for music as an integral part of them. Also, both have their music as a heritage from their parents, that were great musicians.

 

[Spoilers End]

 

As you can expect if you have read up until now, I really liked the novel. I recommend it to those who liked what I said and wish a good reading to you all.

 

TeaAddict777
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Just Great - A Must Read.

Just a great story. I love how Jack and Deluge have developed of the course of the story. A few infrequent minor grammar errors. The style is a nice change of pace from what I usually see on Royal Road. 

One complaint is the school setting later on I think the story is developing more predictable now(That is why I knocked half a star of story). Overall though I think this is the best story on the site.

Edit - after reading Edward's review and liking it I agree that he does make some valid points. While I am not going to change my scores I will say this story is a required taste. The authors dramatic description lessen as the story progress and he finds a pace - so they are still integral to his writing but their are some more normal description.  I like the plot and Jack and Deluge as characters not so much the characters getting introduced recently such as the noble daughter and the other school based characters. 

van
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Songs and poetry and storytelling all mixed with glorious bad-assery! What better way to write a bard's adventure?!



The almost theatrical use of words is justifiable since the protagonist is a musician. And the little details the author has made to make this an enjoyable read is truly amazing. The sentence patterns of the characters to distinguish them is really on-point.  The play of emotions whenever he plays his instruments made him more believable. And there's just enough wit and humor so it won't become a spiralling black hole of tragedy! 

 

I'm not  a fan of this writing style but I'm glad I read this! 

rctsj
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  • THIS STORY IS SIMPLY AMAZING
  • Im blown away, mesmerized by this poetry telling a dtory that binds the reader. Open your eyes, let the words flow in and enjoy.
nahojjjen
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edited - your-you're errors have been corrected
____________________________________
I like this story, grammar is good, story and characters are interesting. The writing style is different, and might not be to everyone's tastes.

 

There are some places where I think there’s a your/you’re problem though…(?) So I’m gonna control-find in all chapters before I post this review, to mark all the places where I’m confused.

 

ch1:

“Your twelve years old!”

ch 11:

(…)”Your limited to a very specific set of actions by(…)

(…)Your right Deluge. I am only defined by this moment if I allow(…)

ch 13:

“No Deluge…Your crying.”

 

ch 17:

“So your investing?”

“You will be starting at the very lowest rank since your only thirteen.”

 

ch 19:

“Your gonna get crushed without a weapon.”

 

ch 20:

“Your Jack Donovan right?” –

“Your new? Well this is the soul altering building.”

 

ch 22:

“Your a head taller than I am and you play with expertise defying that age.”

 

ch 23:

“I see your fine as always.”

 

ch 26:

” I don’t give a shit if you think your going to lose.”

 

ch 27:

“I need time to decide if your willing to allow me the luxury.”

 

ch 28:

“I ask if your alright then you just act like I’m dumb for some arbitrary reason.”

“Your infuriating!”

“like your a tool.”

 

ch 29:

“Your ok. I’m here.”

 

Chapter 4 is the only chapter without “your” in it, the amount of “your” seems to increase quite a lot in later chapters.

Wolfsnow
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Quick read through the night

To preface this I was doing a quick read through during the night, and was sort of tired before I stopped reading around chapter 16. Also SPOILERS***.

 

Lets start with the good points:
Grammar- Author has shown to be heads above other authors on this site with his usage of the English language, and it works pretty well.

Style- The style is something unique on this site as your only view point comes from Jack and Deluge. The way they view the world around them is quite warped and it shows in the writing. The way jack talks vs the way the normal villagers talk is another example. 

 

Bad points (my opinion):

Story- The story view point only comes from Jack and Deluge, both of which are slightly deranged characters. As the story progresses they begin molding their personalities into each other more and more, and the way they handle other characters progresses as well. This is problematic for me, because Jack is way off kilter when talking to other citizens, including moments when he yells at the inn keeper for doing nothing. Later on Jack is betrayed by citizens of the town and almost killed, but why did this occur? Well to start Jack is deranged and constantly yells at others in the town because their beliefs clash, he almost beat a man to death in a betting fight, he beat a man to death at a local inn because the guy punched him, and he was taken to a local noble to be put in jail and then lies his way out of it. He acts as if his viewpoint is entirely justified during all of these exchanges, which maybe you can attribute to his age, and then is angered when the town turns on him. MY MAIN GRIPE comes from the part following this where Jack seeks refuge at the local nobles place, which as he states was his goal in becoming recognized for his musical talents. The noble ignores the fact that a formerly accused murderer comes to his doorstep citing that half the town died while he hid in a barrel from an unknown monster, and starts letting him stay in the house and teach his daughter. Jack then goes crazy on his daughter, bleeding and breaking muscles in front of her to show her his conviction, but his body is fixed when he meets the noble maybe an hour later, which is conveniently ignored again? 

 

Maybe i missed stuff because i was reading late at night, but some of this stuff is just ???. In my opinion you can’t write an intelligent story with dumb opposition characters because that’s not how the world works.

 

Characters: Kind of expounded it on the story area, but Jack is woefully ignorant and basically harmful to his surroundings. The town he comes to is just a peaceful town with very little real wealth, but he lures people into an inn to wastefully spend money due to his talents. When the innkeeper clashes with him on this aspect, he basically begins ranting against the man. Jack continually baffles me in the story, because while it might be Deluge affecting him in personality, but he literally treats other humans as garbage- either yelling at them or ignoring their opinions as trash. After he nearly beats one man to death, beats another to death, and lies about murder he finds it strange that his innkeeper betrayed him to the town villagers he’s lived with for countless years. Like Jack is supposed to be intelligent as Deluge mentions he is a very well trained brain, yet Jack might as well be the village dolt outside of all his musical talent.

Deluge is a parasite that exists to consume others and make them one with himself, and Jack is basically A-ok with having this thing inside him right away? Jack barely puts up a fight to this monster living inside him because he has his own goals that he must reach, yet his goals seem to be very shallow outside of being recognized for his talent and living well. 

 

I know my bad points are obviously much larger then the good points, but there is a lot more to expound on in story/characters then grammar/style. Also maybe I missed something in the story due to late reading, but I’m honestly confused as to why every rating right now is 5/5 in every single rating. Maybe the characters just aren’t my style, but I feel there are some errors in the story which while they aren’t huge they contrast with earlier things in the novel. Like I know this story isn’t something that comes on RRL at all, but just because the story is written well doesn’t mean everything else is forgiven?

 

Anyway sorry for such a long review, Author you keep doing you and making this story the way you want, but I just wanted to point out that I think the current reviewers are circle jerking way too hard and not let it get to your head. I do enjoy the way your trying to make it similar to The Kingkiller chronicles and actual published books, but unless your trying to make Jack into a psychopathic heartless killer in the first town I think he needs to have a change (Only read to chapter 16~)