Cultivating Dungeon

by RexZShadow

Original Action Adventure Fantasy Martial Arts Slice of Life

He was once hailed as the Sage Emperor, although not the strongest in the world, he was the most knowledgeable. People traveled great distances to seek him for help with their cultivation. One day he suddenly died in an ancient ruin and when he thought it was all over he was given a second chance. He reincarnated, not as a human but as a dungeon! Join our MC as he is thrown into a world of magic and fantasy!

P.S. This is not an OP MC story, the MC will be starting from the beginning. While he has the benefit of his previous knowledge there are large drawbacks as well. I want to clarify this as my description can lead to the assumption of an OP MC.

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Cover created by: Catastrophic_Finale
http://royalroadl.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=72311


 

Hello everyone, this is going to be my first book and I’m very excited to write it. I had many ideas I want to write about for a long time but never wrote the out. I started reading JPN LN then got into all the Chinese LN so was influence by both types. I already read a few ln about being a dungeon/dungeon master and really enjoy and one day suddenly had an idea. What if a cultivator was to become a dungeon? A lot of these dungeon ln all have someone with modern world experience become the dungeon so they all have this advantage of games but what if someone who is straight out of a xianxia novel instead? Someone who has no idea how a more medieval fantasy world works and have no idea what a dungeon even is. This give me a lot of fun things to write about and finally decide to try writing it share it with you all! I hope you all enjoy it and please leave comments/review telling me how I can improve.

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BrightLight
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Fresh, Interesting premise and an enjoyable read over all.

I am writing this after reading the 28 chapters written so far. 

I'm giving Rex 3.5 for this story because

It is well written, both grammatically and story wise.
It has implemented an interesting twist on a familiar story type pretty well, without feeling too forced.
Was interesting and enjoyable to read. I didn't really feel at any point like I had to push myself to get through sections.
I believe with a little more work, or depending how the story unfolds, I could easily find myself rating it a strong 4 or 4.5

 

**** **** ****

 

My more in-depth opinion. (probably will contain spoilers)

 

The critique I have for this story are all relatively minor things and mostly things I would consider due to my own personal preference. But I do feel that at the very least they are things to be thought about and considered, even if the result is that nothing needs to be changed.

 

The first chapter feels more like a quick summary/blurb just to get the reader into the 'main' part of the story. This could be fleshed out as well as drawn out, over 2 or 3 chapters without it feeling forced or making the pacing feel slow, depending on how it is done.

 

The premise of the story, MC reincarnating from a cultivator, could be implemented and emphasised much stronger, for better effect. Sage = Patriarch of the dungeon sect (more or less), but currently he feels like he is a bit of 'xianxia light' teenager instead of an experienced and 'sagely' cultivator.

For example - Surely the MC should be thinking of everything in cultivator terms more often, even if only at the start.

- IMO the MC would 'waste' his mana initially on growing 'cultivation resources' and when finding out he is a dungeon (immortal cave) and needs to protect himself, he would rely on things like formations and seals before summoning monsters. and then his fairy would correct his thinking/be outraged at his 'silly' decision/mistake.

- His anger at growing too slow feels a little miss placed and teenage angsty, but at the same time it is understandable so doesn't feel too out of place. I think he would be more annoyed/angry at the lack of intelligence of the monsters and how hard he is finding it to teach/train them to cultivate.

- The path of the cultivator is fraught with struggle, only those who go through life and death battles can push themselves to reach new heights. I.E. should be a little colder towards the death of the monsters, apart from the cost to him that their death brings. (If they were the elites that he trained later or his 'disciples' it would me more understandable).

- At least the first skill books sage makes should be in the form of something like jade slips.

 

There are one or two places that I think could do with maybe just one more sentence to help clarify things.

- such as the detection ability, how strong/weak is it compared to others who use it? what is it's limits? etc.

- how do they know the skill book is rank C when it is a skill from a different world/system?

- how do new dungeons usually appear? what level are they usually found at? (I say this because when sage's dungeon was found they instantly decided it was new, could it not just have been undiscovered and a small earthquake uncovered the entrance. It is a small kingdom after all, they might not have the detection abilities of the big kingdoms.)

- Why is Sage basically setting up a 'friendly', training course instead of a 'tempering', life threatening dungeon? Surely adventurers and the kingdom expect deaths and wouldn't try kill him for them. Also does absorbing corpses not = more mana here? 

 

As I mentioned before, these are all relatively minor things and I do enjoy and like the story as is. So please don't think I am being negative and bashing Rex here. I hope the story continues and I am sure that the quality of what is written will only improve.

There are a few things I mentioned in comments during my read through, but they basically follow along the same line, or are really only specific to that particular chapter.

 

Side note:

- Why are dungeon fairies always female? why does a dungeon have to have a fairy?

- Tropes can be fun sometimes and are pretty much expected, but they can be a little cringey and make you sigh. Make sure you don't go too heavy on them when you include them because they can become pretty tiresome quite quickly.

- It might be interesting to consider sage/dungeon entrance spawning near the top of a mountain, since he is a cultivator after all. It could allow for a little more character development towards the start of the story before he is discovered.

- do the 'bad guys' need to say out loud to sage why they are raiding the dungeon? It feels a little arbitrary and except for them attacking Sigurd (I think was her name), would he not be happy for the mana they would be providing him? (he is unhappy that the guild is limiting the number of entering adventurers after all)

 

Hope this helps somewhat and keep up the good work.

GloriousButtocks
  • Overall Score

There is fun to be had here.....

It's too early to tell how this fiction will play out. But I enjoy dungeon novels of all shapes and sizes and I like this one especially. 

I'm giving you 4.5 stars as motivation and my faith that this will be a good read. 

My only complaint/advice is maybe spend a bit longer editing or get an editor to help you out. 

Good luck and let's all have fun!

Darquesse
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An interesing hybrid of several popular novel concepts

Many stories have rencarnation, many have cultivation, this is a rare and interesting hybrid of the two. The only fault that i can find with the story is the occasional grammar error or misused word

Yewen
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A strong start, but a weak finish.

If i had to compare this story with anything, I would compare it to Pantheon, the Artisan of War (LoL) because he starts off strong and crushes everything in his path, but he sucks in the end game when everyone outscales him.  Same with this story, it has such a good idea and has all the tools to snowball into a great story, but the author did not have the same quality of writing in the end of book one

 

WARNING this review contain spoilers.

Style

I like it, the pov changes are quite good and do not interrupt the flow of the story.  Though sentence structure could be changed though, it's hard to read while trying to read every bit of it. I would love it if you spaced out your lines because it would be easier to read.

Story

What started out with a cast with likable characters (Sage and Alice) quickly turns into your average b movie for a dungeon story. There were a lot of discisions that didn't make any sense alluding to characterization. I liked the idea, but it didnt pan out in the end.

Grammar

I would search for another editor if I were you. The grammar is a joke. It is easily one of the worst points of the story. How is the reader suppose to be immersed in your story if he/she gets interrupted every five seconds by a mispelled word, or using the wrong verb tense, or just making a sentence without a defined subject and predicate. If I were you, I would reread what I just wrote and get another person to edit it for me.

Characters.

I hate them. Every single one of them. Sage and Alice are really the only worth while characters. They are the only characters that feel like actual people instead a block of text. I get a Doc amd his dungeon fairy* vibe from them. The other characters I could care less about. They all fall into common anime tropes and they don' t have a good reason for what they are doing. I dislike the villains the most. They are simply evil for the sake of being evil and there is no good reason for them to be doing that. Make me care about the demons's cause. Make the demons have an actual reason to do terrible things. The world is many shades of gray, but this story only has black and white.

I also dislike Sigrid as well, you introduced her as a powerful being, but she quickly turned into a damsel in distress. The hype was there, and it's lost. Her shining knight in armour, John also has the protagonist syndrome of always being stupid and uncompromising unless faced with no other choice. This kind of character tires me out.

 

 

I hoped this review helped you. This review is from august 19th, 2016 that includes all of volume one

Good luck writing and I will be changing the review once volume two ends.

 

mr.mas :3
  • Overall Score

No comment here

Just came because of the profile picture

Nice cover

Liquis
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The Potential Is Strong With This One

(As of chapter 18)

This series is off to a great start. It took an overused genre and added something unique to it. The characters have been set up for something great. My only real worry is the dungeon RRl story curse, as dungeon stories just don't get finished on RRL. As long as this series keeps its values true I can see this being in the top 5 within the month. To the author: good job, you created something unique and something with the potential for greatness. Good luck for the future.

Mezo
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It seems interesting

I hope the author keeps this going as it seems interesting so far and I would like to see where it goes .  As of now (chapter 6) it's been good and worth the time to read

CaucasianAsian
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I Like the Idea, but not the Execution.

So as the title says, I like your idea for a story, but I find your execution of it to be lacking.

This review is as of chapter 28.

 

Style- The style is alright for the story. I think that it could use some improvements. I like the idea of multiple points of view to keep the story from getting stale. I'm glad that you made the POV change more noticeable. The sentence structure needs some major improvement though, it's easy to get lost when trying to get immersed.

 

Story- I like the idea for the story, but quite honestly some of your writing is kind of cheesy. Your story has flaws that you should get an editor to look over, and check for plot holes.

 

Grammar- I noticed that you have an editor, and that is a plus in my book. But... your editor left some glaring basic grammatical mistakes. There are some parts of your story that are missing words, and that makes it kind of hard to follow along. My recommendation  is to try to edit yourself first, and get a competent editor.

 

Character- Well this is my least favorite element in the story. Well to start of with Sage, for one he doesn't seem very sagely. For someone who lived for a millennia elbow deep in academical pursuit, he seems to have the personality of a teenager.  There are points where he shows some knowledge, but is severely lacking in common sense. I don't like the other characters they aren't nearly as interesting to me as sage. You kind of have the "friendship power" element in your story.  "What if a cultivator was to become a dungeon? A lot of these dungeon ln all have someone with modern world experience become the dungeon so they all have this advantage of games but what if someone who is straight out of a xianxia novel instead?" Well quite frankly there are little xian xia elements in your story aside from cultivation methods and other gizmos. The MC doesn't seem fit for xian xia quite frankly imo.

 

Well you may not find this review helpful, but I hope it helped somewhat.

P.S. Haven't read R.I. in a while, but I like your work.

(Edit: Cleaned it up a bit so it doesn't look so ignorant. I don't want your story to be affected by a lousy review.)

Lomyril
  • Overall Score

Now at Chapter 6 and I like it

The story has an interesting angle.

 

I've read stories before about people reincarnating into dungeon cores.  This is the first time I've read a story about someone who tries to cultivate as a dungeon core.  What is more, he is also trying to get his dungeon monsters to cultivate!

 

With only six chapters written as of this review, I believe this story has a lot of potential.  It is true that the writing is a bit rough in spots.  With time, the quality of the writing will improve.  I look forward to reading more.  =)

kofu
  • Overall Score

Original Story and so far catchy

I really like this original stories. I hope he can update daily or something like that so more people read it. For example, my brother only reads novels that have  50+ chapters. Not less.

But I'm more open minded. 

Keep it up !