How to Date an Android Chapter 58





Jack POV ( Jack’s dream / nightmare )





We’re driving.

Wait where am I?

I’d been drowsy so I’m not pulling myself up. Somehow I want to sleep. I think my health problems had gotten to me and I’d end up taking a nap. The pain meds I take probably had a little bit to do with it too.

I feel shorter?

What’s going on?

The car isn’t the truck like before either.

I started looking around. Everything looks and feels foggy too. It’s sunny outside instead of dark and gloomy and that’s the first chance I’ve had to see something is off.

This is like an old 50s style car. Dad’s driving it, and mom is in the passenger side. And my siblings are in the vehicle too while we’re driving out by the sand dunes where dad and Grandpa used to camp. All of us are children sized again which is the first clue that I’m not in a normal reality. None of my siblings are children and haven’t been for a long time.

This doesn’t make sense. Where the hell am I?

We keep driving.

Oh, I must be having a dream. Or is it a nightmare?

I think it’s a dream now that I sort of feel around me.

No wonder I’m so short. The dream is like when I’m a kid growing up still. I’ve had this dream before. I hate this dream. I really freaking hate it. It’s one of those weird trauma dreams you get that aren’t supposed to be scary but somehow are.

Like having nightmares about clowns; who the heck has evidence clowns are scary? But they somehow are to some people just like this dream always makes me feel bad too.

It’s just like normal. All of them are ignoring me. Dad will by trying to talk to mom, but avoids me while I’m like a stranger in my own family’s car. He’s not bad but he just comes up with excuses of why he’s more interested in my siblings that are more like he is. Mom is only interested in my sisters. And some of my brothers are only interested in getting into trouble so there’s a wall between me and them because of that too. I didn’t want to get into trouble.

There aren’t any of the other people from the zombie apocalypse here but just my old family from when I was growing up.

My one closest age brother is sitting next to me. He’s looking down and bouncing his feet off the seat. It seems like from the dream that our bodies are like around ten years old or twelve maybe?

I missed this brother the most. I’d always tried to be close to him but everything backfires on me when I try stuff. I’d tried to be friends with him my whole life. He later turned to alcohol and drugs. Now he’s in the state pen and I made it a point to not find out why he was sent there because it would have been too agonizing to feel pity over.

Of course that would be a shitty place to be when the zombie apocalypse hit. He’s double f…I mean double screwed now with all those little bastards in there being zombified.

I’m feeling nostalgia at the dream but it’s like a painful nostalgia.

I put my arm around him. I want to make things better than they used to be. I want to desperately change my family environment and make it so it’s like not like human trash that distrust each other because of greed.

In my heart I know it won’t work still but I have to try because I want good to win.

“Stop that!” he said. He pouts and picks up my arm from around his shoulder and shoves it and me away. Then he proceeded to tell on me to mom.


I didn’t do anything bad. It was just trying reach out to him. I thought maybe if he knew some people in the family cared about him that maybe he’d change, even though it was too late like ten years ago. I was wrong. You can’t make him change, it just never works.

Yeah, not a dream; definitely a nightmare…I hate this freaking dream. I want to wake up now even if its to face those hunter idiots in that other car with Barbara and Ruth.

Even though I’d tried to get along with this brother it always ends like this. But when they are your family you only have the choice to try and hope they’ll grow up someday. And you can’t exactly ask other people to be your replacement family either. So there aren’t any other options.

“Hey everything OK back there?” mom asked. She delayed jumping in as late as possible like she always does.

They only bother when they are trying to get my other brother to be more normal. In many ways this dream is exactly what they are like in reality. Then dad makes me give little brother number 1 next to me my toy as punishment for getting him mad, but it’s really the punishment for interrupting dad’s moment with mom.


Yep that part was just like when I’m not in the dream too, except dad didn’t have those old style derby hats and he never drew a 50s chevy or whatever the hell this is.

Why is the car looking like a 50s chevy anyway? Is that supposed to mean something or just a distraction?

Ahh, I forgot that it used to be like this. This is one of the reasons my brother was like this; because it was profitable to do so. He could act out and expect to get toys or spoon fed special treats by mom. My little brother and sister would stir up my parents to favor them at the expense of the other siblings. This was partly why no one ever wanted to make up. If my brother or sister started to cry then it wasn’t unusual for dad to give them my toy…the one I was playing with right then and there.

The dream is a reflection of reality.


Then I felt a hand on my shoulders.

The dream hasn’t ended yet.

I turn to face the window. But there’s enough space there that a child version of Barbara is sitting there somehow, even though I thought I was against the window a minute ago. It’s a ten year old version of Barbara with a piercing stare. It’s intense but unchangingly fixated on me. It’s almost like she’s so fixated she doesn’t even see we’re in a car but her eyes never leave my face.


What? How?

I’m shocked. Somehow she got in one of my dreams?

How did she get in my dream? This is weird as hell. How did this happen?

She points ahead.

The dirt road dad’s driving on has become a fork. He can either turn left or turn right. There’s no in between. On either side of us there’s a vast wilderness with no houses or buildings in sight anywhere. It’s just like tall lush grassland that’s thick enough that its hard to see beyond the edges of the gravel road very far. Even the road itself is choked with weeds growing up between the gravel.

Dad pulls over. There’s that funky sound tires make when driving on gravel roads until he stops the car. The heavy metal doors open while everyone is getting out.

“Well we’re here. Should we go for a walk?” he said. He gestured to where the left fork in the road goes and everyone’s getting to go follow him.

The others are clamoring for attention. One of my sisters wants a bathroom. The other wants a treat. Some other sibling wants a balloon, and the last one wants to sit on mom’s lap again.

But where are they going? That’s a dead end.

Then I noticed I’m the only one left in the car. All the car doors are left wide open too, which is weird as hell too. They should have at least shut the doors.

My parents and siblings just went off on the left fork and are pointing at all the weeds around them. Why are they fascinated with the weeds?

“Are you going to get out?” Barbara asked. She opened the door for me almost like a butler would with elegance and a sophisticated expression but still humble. She has a secretive smile on her face.

“Come, Jack. We have to go now,” she said.

But now she’s walking too. She stops to let me catch up. She doesn’t let herself get more than ten feet ahead before coming back to get me.

“Come on Jack. If you don’t hurry, we’ll be late,” she said.

How odd.

She’s not going the way of the other humans. This fork doesn’t even go in a similar direction. She’s going to the right fork in the road instead. The right fork is bent around part of a hill so I can’t see where it leads or what’s behind the hill.

I compare and looked at the two forks.

The left fork looked like a freaking nasty ass wasteland like Death Valley full of weeds of all kinds of shapes and sizes.

Why did they want to go there? There wasn’t even anything beautiful over there.

“Come on Jack! Come with me!” Barbara is gesturing for me to follow her with an intense expression while standing in the middle of the road.


She doesn’t look ten anymore. Now she looks like she’s maybe sixteen. But I still feel small.

How did she change so quickly? And why I am still small?

“Jack, I need you. Come with me, it’ll be fun. Don’t worry we’ll be together,” she smiled. She sat on her heels briefly to look close at my face and smile big at me to get my attention.

Wait it’s just a dream. This isn’t real.

I think I’m waking up.

But I didn’t make sense of the dream yet, so I’m starting to panic. I don’t like that it’s unfinished. What was its purpose? Why and where was the road going?

I don’t know why but that dream gives me an odd feeling. It’s the feeling like I’m in the sea and the only fish like me. The others are mostly sharks or dead fish floating on the top of the Ocean.

This is why I like androids so much I think; because of having a lot of experiences as a kid like this. The car wasn’t real but some of the other parts of the nightmare were. I don’t understand why I fit in perfectly with androids but never with humans. With humans they only are with me when they want something. Then when they get it they’ll disappear.

And if I wake up will Barbara be aware of what happened or not? Actually did Barbara cause this dream somehow? I bet you could induce a dream in someone if you wanted to. If you could figure out the right electric current and connected to them…

Ahh, being suspicious of my allies won’t help anything. I know they only mean well.

And even if she doesn’t actively know about the dream she is so freaking bad ass smart she will probably ‘smell’ that something just happened.



I sat up straight. I’m back in the truck and it’s reality now. My head aches a little but it’s only a small dull pain that will go away soon.

I’m sweating.

I hate that freaky dream. But before in the previous versions there wasn’t ever a Barbara in the dream or the second fork in the road.

We’d stopped to spend the night in a rest area just outside of town. Barbara, me, and Ruth are all packed inside the truck cab. This really isn’t comfortable at all but because we think there are zombies nearby I didn’t allow anyone to sleep outside the vehicles.

“Jack, you ok?” Ruth gives me a strange expression.

“No. it’s not OK,” I said frowning. I hadn’t meant to be cranky but it slipped out.

“Is everything OK for you?” I asked Ruth.

She nods. “As much as can be expected. I’ve been standing guard for a bit while everyone is resting.”

“What’s that mean?” I asked.

To my left Barbara had slept against the door with me leaning against her. She’d had a duffel bag behind her to cushion against the hard door, while I had a soft, very soft wonderful cushioning against her boobs and resting between her legs. Androids don’t need to be as comfortable as humans to sleep but I don’t know if there’s a certain level that messes up their performance.

If I hadn’t had that nightmare I’d have stayed in the perfect bliss of leaning against Barbara’s pillowy chest the whole time.

Ruth to my right was sort of the opposite. She’s still keeping an eye on things outside the vehicle with a weapon ready.

They are both staring at that other car that isn’t too far from us. It’s still pretty dark out because its so early in the morning.

I forgot the ratio of sleep androids need compared to humans but it’s a lot less. But they do need some. I can’t remember if it was four hours or six though?

No, I wasn’t being unfair about having her do so and androids are fine with less sleep. Plus I can’t have the other car stand guard tonight. I think they are compromised. I know something is wrong with what’s going on in the other car.

“We have to get those guys out of that other car right away. We can’t wait anymore,” I whispered to Ruth.

It had been our plan previously, suggested by the two androids together that the safest time to storm the other car and get them out would be when those two hunters had gone to sleep. And it just so happened we knew that Sandra had a bottle of alcohol in that car too. We’re hoping that those guys had some of that before going to sleep. Their help suggestion system had calculated that this time would be the best time to storm the car with the highest chance of getting the most survivors out of that car.

It’s still scary though any how you think about it. And we don’t have any idea how bad things have been in that car during the night.

“I agree we can’t wait any longer, but I’m curious if you’ve noticed something we haven’t?” she is trying to follow my line of sight.

And it’s been eating me up half the night thinking on it.

The reason I can tell?

Ty has this awful pleading look as his face is poked against the glass staring at us. He should have been asleep for one. Plus it’s damn cold so why make your face cold already? For a few hours now, he’s had this look of pleading like that with crying down his face. And he has at least one black eye probably for not being quiet in front of those guys in the car. Even if someone tells you to shut up or not talk, kids faces are more revealing and more honest than adults are. I can see Craig’s face a stoic mask staring at us too. Craig’s face is trying to be tough but it has this cold look on it like he’s afraid to even budge. It’s just the kind of look you’d have if someone had a gun to your head.

Both of them are out of character, and it’s a sort of confirmation something is off in the other car.

Normally I wouldn’t have been able to sleep at all but because my health is wrecked still I wouldn’t have been able to stay awake even if someone told me the Russians were nuking us in an hour. Last night I wouldn’t have been able to do anything anyway.

It’s when those guys are asleep that I’ll have to somehow manage something. And the reason?

“Um…Jack?” Ruth asked me.


“Nobody has left the other car the entire night. Not even to pee or use the bathroom and I don’t think any of them have slept either,” she said.

“Wow,” I almost broke my whisper voice. This keeps getting worse all the time.

“Shh! Quiet!” she said.

“We have to do something soon but I’m not sure how to get them out of the other car without anyone getting shot. Do you have any ideas?” I asked.

“I didn’t know if it was OK to kill them or beat them to get rid of them. I didn’t have your permission and you were asleep. And you weren’t threatened directly. Barbara should know what to do. I think she already has a plan,” she said.

Ahh crap.

“So let’s go over it again. We need to be sure. How many guns did they have again?” I asked.

I can still see Ty and Craig’s faces peeking back at me through the glass only about twenty or thirty feet away in the dark.

“Um…deer rifles. Serious power deer rifles,” she added.

“So two guys and two rifles? Or do they have hand guns hidden too? We need to know if they have secondary firearms too,” I asked.

“That could be…I don’t know. It’s inconclusive right now,” Ruth said.

“I do think there was a handgun,” Barbara said.

Deer rifles aren’t like handguns. When someone shoots a deer rifle you can hear the power and the boom all the way across a good sized valley sometimes. They have that much kick to them sometimes. So if one of those rifles goes off we’ll have thousands of zombies on us.

But if they have handguns in their coats someone could get shot when we think we’re already safe with them after grabbing the deer rifles.

And they had all those three kids in front of them. Three, no actually four little meat shields when I also count Sarah.

This is a tragedy situation.

I’m afraid of what those guys have done all night with the girls too.

It’s not the androids fault. They were trying to monitor the situation and look for a moment of opportunity I think. And Barbara had to deal with my fever at the same time. I’d taken a bad turn for health last night and that’s why I’d fallen asleep from fever. And the fever had started from the stress of what was going on with my body and the buildup of what was currently in front of us.

All because of Sandra not listening…

And before going to sleep the last radio message was from Craig telling us all to stay in the truck tonight according to Ruth. That’s out of character too. Those guys must have thought he had clout and could order us around, not realizing that I was the ringleader not Sandra and Craig.

It’s easy for them to think that because Craig was actually a bit taller than I was. Plus there were more people in that car.

“You are lucky that they didn’t see you and Barbara first,” I said.

“We’re going to have to rescue the others aren’t we?” Ruth asked.

“Do you have a plan?” I asked her and Barbara.

“Normally I would but…I don’t have combat training. I have really good timing and probability calculations though. I’ve been going over several scenarios in my calculations to try to make up for it and go every every possible change we could make in the car. I’ve done over four hundred battle simulations in the last hour with dozens of minor adjustments in each to try to predict the best outcome,” Barbara said.

No wonder Barbara has been really quiet.

“I guess I’ll take care of the plan. But I’ll need both of your help. I’m sorry this is unfair of me to ask you to do something dangerous,” I said.

“Jack you are the master. We want to do what you want us to do. I’d already calculated this to be a primary threat we couldn’t ignore,” Barbara insisted.

Yeah Barbara is awesome.

I squeezed her hand.

“Jack, we want you to stay in the car. If you are hit its game over. Let us deal with this,” Barbara said.

We end up having a minor argument for two minutes while they force me to stay in the car.

“Next time I get to be the hug pillow when Jack sleeps,” Ruth insisted.

“But that’s my job. My chest is perfect for it,” Barbara said.

“Well that’s kind of a good point. But we’ll take turns. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. For now let’s just focus on that other car and getting them out,” I said. I blushed awkwardly.

“Well of course but you know having a reward to tempt us was going to help get us through the stress you know,” Ruth said. She’s forcing a stressful smile.

Ruth can be kind of weird sometimes.

“I guess I am a hug pillow right now huh?” Barbara said.

“Whisper,” I reminded them.

“Ruth behind the seat is my home made taser. That’s going to be the key in this,” I said.

“I can get it without making noise,” Ruth said. But somehow while reaching over the seat she’s pushing her beautifully shaped boobs in my face.

“Jack it won’t be easy to get to the other car without anything bad happening. Even with some good probability, throwing brooks and whatever else we can through the other car windows,” Barbara said.

Eh? Can they do that without hitting the others?  This is a really tricky set of maneuvers that Barbara and Ruth are trying to do. And I keep hoping that somehow Craig and Ty might have some kind of signal when it’s going to be a good time to move but nothing has happened yet.

I wonder how that will go?

It’s like the story of asking the master archer to shoot an apple off his son’s head. You can’t even imagine the stress that’s going through the guy’s head in that story. And it supposedly is a real story too.

That’s what this feels like. I wiped sweat off my face that was pouring down. It’s not hot but I’ve just been totally stressed out and even my fingers are shaking. I really want to rescue Craig and Aubrey especially, though I don’t feel like I’ve gotten as close to the others.

Ty’s face is pleading at us. I can tell he’s trying not to cry. They probably told him they’d do something shitty to him if he cried but literally the whole night. Yep, there he goes again. He just wiped some tears away. And the whole night he’s not slept a week from whatever trauma shit is going on in that other car.

Craig has probably been awake all night too.

We have to get those two hitchhikers or whatever out of that truck now. I’m debating in my mind when to give the signal to move to Barbara though.

What worries me too is why we can’t see any of the girls. That’s got me more freaked than just about any other variable in this.

And nobody in that other car has been able to take pee breaks during the night. That should have been the first clue according to Ruth.

Then I thought I saw Craig’s nose and mouth twitch. It’s as good a signal as any. And a signal from him might be more calculated than one from Ty or the others.

“Now go!” I whispered suddenly.

I’d seen movement just for a second. That meant the hunter assholes were probably passed out asleep because Aubrey has somehow managed to sneak out of the car and is crawling along the ground shirtless towards us.

It looked like Ty was about to move too, but at the last second someone grabbed him to pull him back.

Ruth and Barbara have tried to noiselessly open the doors to the truck. They somehow managed it, and they are moving low over the ground as quick as they can. Somehow they did manage to make almost no noise with their feet.

Uh oh? Are they awake in the other car?

It’s a gamble.

I’m scared silly. I feel nauseated.

I just have to trust that Barbara and Ruth can handle themselves and that Barbara has calculated every possible move.

Then the car door opens on the right passenger side of the other vehicle.

Aubrey is crying like a sieve while she’s crawling towards the truck as quietly as possible.

With no clothes…

Fuck…I’m seeing red now too. Those guys will burn in real fire. I want to set them on fire inside that car for sure now.

“Stay down Jack,” I heard Barbara call out to me.

Shit, how bad did it get in there last night? Suddenly I’m so shocked I can’t believe what I’m doing. It’s tough to not want to waste those bastards.

Oh man…

I will never forgive those guys.


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Togg @Togg ago

Mad Jack + Scary Barbara+ scary Ruth = Bad times ahead for the bad guys.

tekimp @tekimp ago

Good touch of realism.  Things always go south with a quickness in bad times.  All these flower smelling, tree hugging, yuppies want to talk about all the happiness and joy there is... well, that's all great in their perverse dream world... but reality sucks.


Love the realism!  Love the work!  Keep up the good job!  Looking forward to next chapter.

Beary.Kuma @Beary.Kuma ago

very nice chapter. love the dream, love how jack took control again...


fuck those guys. burn them!

fgundam @fgundam ago

now wonder if the group will be more solid or will sandra be kicked out?

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