Spectral Regalia

by Zephon

Original Action Adventure Comedy Drama Fantasy Tragedy Martial Arts Supernatural

Can you feel it? That tugging feeling on your heart? That falling sensation as you are forced into a deep well by the people you trusted most? In your heart you decide to accept it, to bear it, to die with it, yet, even as you continue falling your decision haunts you. A general in your prime, millions of innocents lie dead in your wake.

 

Feeling the end of your life pulling you in, the wall of water ever beckoning as you hit it full on. All feeling has been lost. Finding yourself devoid of sound. Nothing visible in this darkness. No strength in your limbs. This has become your end. But the endless has seen your life in His presence you feel the minute speck that you are, become more than what was, he gifts you with a new body with limitless potential imparted with its own endless strength. He puts you in a place where powers run rampant.

The God of all has decided this. Your new life has the promise of excitement, adventure, love, Tragedy. Walking with purpose you pave the path for your race.

Regardless of the dangers you will face you will live on for the end goal ---- -Synopsis Credit's to FlameRaptor. My Twitter for  News and early spoilers of artwork and chapter titles https://twitter.com/SpectralRegalia

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Zephon

Zephon

Penguin Cliffhanger

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Prologue Creation I ago
Prol 2 Creation II ago
Prol 3 Creation III ago
Chapter 1 Judgement ago
V1: Chapter 2 Meet your maker. ago
Chapter 3 Universal Showroom. ago
Chapter 4 Divine Gift ago
Chapter 5 Survival Of The Fittest ago
Chapter 6 Of One's Potential. ago
Chapter 7 Two Pronged Attack!. ago
Chapter 8 Grinning Demon. ago
Chapter 9 Sylph & Nemean ago
Chapter 10 Shadow Of Rage. ago
Chapter 11 Heart Beat. ago
V1: Chapter 12 Protectors of the forest ago
Chapter 13 Lenaya's Gift ago
Chapter 14 Wake Up Call. ago
Artwork. ago
Chapter 15 Egos Colide ago
Chapter 16 The Unexpected. ago
Chapter 17 A History Lesson I ago
Chapter 18 History Conclusion ago
Chapter 19 Infiltration. ago
Chapter 20 Angel lord. ago
V1: Chapter 21 Ready...Set...Battle ago
Chapter 22 To Be What i Should Be. ago
V1: Chapter 23 Countdown..... ago
V1 Finale: Chapter 24 Aftermath ago
Chapter 25 The Plains. ago
Chapter 26 Midas. ago
Chapter 27 The Book Keeper. ago
Chapter 28 Eye Of The Beholder ago
Chapter 29 Question's & Thievery ago
Chapter 30 Thirst For Knowledge ago
Chapter 31 Start of A Journey ago
Chapter 32 Conversation & Secrets ago
Chapter 33 The White Dragon Clan ago
Chapter 34 Bewildered & Him ago
Chapter 35 Tutor & Events ago
Chapter 36 The Duel. ago
Chapter 37 Ayame Vs Avrin ago
Chapter 38 Pulsing Dragon Seductive Female. ago
Chapter 39 Time Fly's By ago
Chapter 40 An Invited Guest ago
Chapter 41 The past, The Anger, The Task ago
Chapter 42 Annoyance ago
Chapter 43 The First Night ago
Chapter 44 Swamplands. ago
V2: Chapter 45 Long Awaited Encounter. ago
V2: Chapter 46 Agreement. ago
V2: Chapter 47 Feelings Of Advancement. ago
Chapter 48 In A Time Of Need ago
V2: Chapter 49 Revenge Served Ice Cold ago
V2: Chapter 50 What Comes Next ago
V2: Chapter 51 Truth & Emotions ago
Chapter 52 Wayfarer Village. ago
Chapter 53 Gift & Books ago
V2 Finale: Chapter 54 Its A Small World ago
Chapter 55 Truth. ago
Chapter 56 Doppelganger ago
Chapter 57 Spoils To The Victor. ago
V3: Chapter 58 Azure Breaker ago
V3: Chapter 59 Inner World. ago
V3: Chapter 60 Divine Intervention ago
V3: Chapter 61 Arrival. ago
Chapter 62 Blood Lust. ago
Chapter 63 The Old Dwarf ago
Chapter 64 Joyful Discovery ago
Chapter 65 The Rise Begins ago
Chapter 66 Ruler In Shadows ago
Chapter 67 An Understanding. ago
V2: Chapter 68 Serving The Empire. ago
Chapter 69 Serving The Empire (Part II) ago
Chapter 70 Chance Deal ago
Chapter 71 Enigma Potion ago
Chapter 72 Departure ago
Chapter 73 Clovis. ago
Chapter 74 Dungeon (Part I) ago
V3: Chapter 75 Dungeon (Part II) ago
Chapter 76 Shields & Swords. ago
V3: Chapter 77 First Kill. ago
V3: Chapter 78 True Opponent. ago
V3: Chapter 79 Flash Of Anger. ago
V3: Chapter 80 Grand Master Level. ago
V3: Chapter 81 Three Lessons Learnt. ago
V3: Chapter 82 Ruler Of The Dungeon. ago
V3: Chapter 83 Quick And Decisive ago
V3 Finale: Chapter 84 Many Things Unfolding ago
V4: Chapter 85 A Time To Improve ago
V4: Chapter 86 Making Progress. ago
V4: Chapter 87 Bad Intentions. ago
V4: Chapter 88 Arranged Misfortune. ago
V4: Chapter 89 Causing Trouble.. ago
V4: Chapter 90 Returning To Rael. ago
V4: Chapter 91 Wager. ago
V4: Chapter 92 Progenitor & Your Father. ago
V4: Chapter 93 Alchemists Manual. ago
V4: Chapter 94 Lotus And Phoenix ago
News important. ago
V4: Chapter 95 Teaching Respect. ago
V4: Chapter 96 Ominous. ago
Update Not A Chapter. ago
V4: Chapter 97 Half-Breed. ago
V4: Chapter 98 To Save My Father. ago
V4: Chapter 99 Mahcks Decision. ago
V4: Chapter 100 Ferocious. ago
V4: Chapter 101 Advancing In Many Ways. ago
V4: Chapter 102 Izanamis Truth. ago
V4: Chapter 103 Delusional. ago
V4: Chapter 104 He Is Ours!!!. ago
V4: Chapter 105 Acting Like Children. ago
V4: Chapter 106 Dark Abyss Chasm (I ) ago
V4: Chapter 107 Dark Abyss Chasm (II End) ago
V4: Chapter 108 Generation Hall. ago
V4: Chapter 109 Three Tests. ago
V4: Chapter 110 Destroying Grand Masters. ago
Sponsored Chapters. ago
V4: Chapter 111 Changing Issues. ago
V4: Chapter 112 Spacial Ring. ago
V4: Chapter 113 Miserable Kirin. ago
V4: Chapter 114 Giron Vs Avrin. ago
V4: Chapter 115 Butchering A Dragon Rousing A God. ago
V4: Chapter 116 Zephiron's Intentions. ago
V4: Chapter 117 Easy Victory. ago
V4 Chapter 118 Skymetal Weapon Limos. ago
No release for a little bit ago
V4: Chapter 119 Heading To Ailera. ago
V4: Chapter 120 Welcome Back Lord Monarch. ago
V4: Chapter 121 Bypassing Obstacles. ago
V4: Chapter 122 Escalating Quickly. ago
V4: Chapter 123 Shaking The Ocean. ago
V4: Chapter 124 I'm Done Warming Up. ago
V4: Chapter 125 Hunger & Greed ago
V4: Chapter Chapter 126 Complete Catastrophe ago
V5: Chapter 127 Hidden Past Longing Regret. ago
V5: Chapter 128 Feeling Spoiled. ago
V5: Chapter 129 Hoping To Meet More Like You. ago
V5: Chapter 130 Looming Death. ago
V5: Chapter 131 Strength Is True Law. ago
V5: Chapter 132 Even With Sorrow Every Second Counts. ago
V5: Chapter 133 Improvising. ago
V5: Chapter 134 Striving To Reach Full Circle. ago
V5: Chapter 135 Giving Hope. ago
Not A chapter - Important Please Read. + Small Questions answered ago
V5: Chapter 136 Only Gods Are Left. ago
V5: Chapter 137 Astaroth's Might. ago
V5: Chapter 138 Don't Forget. ago
V5: Chapter 139 Pathless At Sunset ago
V5: Chapter 140 This Is Dinner. ago
V5: Chapter 141 Leaving Nothing Behind. ago
V5: Chapter 142 The 3 Establishments. ago
V5: Chapter 143 First Proper Sale. ago
V5: Chapter 144 Planning & Beggining. ago
V5: Chapter 145 Another Addition. ago
V5: Chapter 146 Skepticism & Belief. ago
V5: Chapter 147 I'm The Master, You're The Follower!. ago
(M.V1) Chapter 1: Judgement. ago
V5: Chapter 148 I'm Not A God!. ago
V5: Chapter 149 What Is It I Live For? ago
V5: Chapter 150 Finalising The Deal. ago
V6: Chapter 151 Questions That Cant Be Asked. ago
V6: Chapter 152 It's Beginning. ago
V6: Chapter 153. Six Months ago
V6: Chapter 154 The Ant Ailirion & The Visit From The Consortium. ago
V6: Chapter 155 Shaded Moon Vs The Artificer Consortium's Branch. ago
Temporary Break. ago
V6: Chapter 156 An Eventful Day. ago
V6: Chapter 157 Piercing Space. ago
V6: Chapter 158 Spectral Domain. ago
V6: Chapter 159 Quick Scuffle!. ago
V6: Chapter 160 Returning To The Domain. ago
V6: Chapter 161 Linked By Destiny. ago
V6:Chapter 162 Angered By My kin ago
V6: Chapter 163 Are We Not Meant To Rule Over Others? ago
V6: Chapter 164 Goodbye Avrin. ago
V6: Chapter 165 Twisted Memories. ago
V6: Chapter 166 Master & Disciple. ago
V6: Chapter 167 Fate Is Brewing. ago
V6: Chapter 168 Giving Orders. ago
V6: Chapter 169 Little Frenzied Genius. ago
V6: Chapter 170 An Empowering Plan ago
V6: Chapter 171 Escape!. ago
V6: Chapter 172 Returning To Tya’shara. ago
V6: Chapter 173 A sudden Agreement? ago
V6: Chapter 174 Attacked By Vipers. (Title credits to Lord Vader) ago
V6: Chapter 175 Completion Of A Particle Type. ago
V6: Chapter 176 A Troublesome Stage. ago
V6: Chapter 177 That Final Step. ago
V7: Chapter 178 The Planet Lord. ago
V7: Chapter 179 Plans For Shaded Moon. ago
V7: Chapter 180 Returning To Seleria. ago
Reviews

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reaper
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Wrote this review as a comment in chapter 103

First sorry for my bad english, it aint my native languague.

THIS IS A REVIEW, SO IT WILL BE LONG.

I posted a comment on chapter 102, in wich I told your plot with the characters from The Lord of the Rings(Gandalf). If anyone thought that I was bitching about how you brought the side characters back to life(I cant remerber their names, and if I have to look the old chapters to find out, that just proves my point that the characters themselves are forgettable), actually my biggest problem was the plot. So now I am going to do a complete review to clear things out.

I believe that the 5 stars rating doesnt do justice when you review a fantasy story(Or any other book for that matter). If 5 stars are the max or perfection, then giving 5 stars to a book is being hipocritical becuase no book can be 100% perfect, whats perfect to someone is dogshit to someone else(Take modern art for example). A clasical romance masterpiece can be boring as shit to someone that likes horror, you have to review a story taking in consideration the context and the purpose of the book.

For example you cant judge the romance in a horror story as the key element of it, just as you can not judge the suspense in a romance novel as the key element that drives the book.

Fantasy books have 4 especific things that drives the book(Excluding grammar, that is what proofreading is for), and those are: Lore, Characters, Plot and the Fights.

So now I am going to give my personal opinion of those 4 points in your story.

-Lore:
The take of the one and only “GOD” is pretty interesting by itself, that he/she rules all the universes, and the other gods are just beings with great power in that particular universe. And the fact that you explained their origin and the origin of the world the MC is in it, is great.

But the world build up is left behind in the middle of the story, you mention the gods in the beggining and after a few chapters they are left behind, to never be mentioned again. The take on the sigil weavers is so so, they actually apeared in fron of the MC so we can see their relevance in the story, but then again they are left behind to never be mentioned again. The story of the kingdoms and their fights among themselves is explained wich is good, but just when we start to care about a particular kingdom the MC makes a travel to some forest or jungle, and such kingdoms are never mentioned again.

The Magic system of the world is not explained in detail wich makes sense since the MC is unique, and therefore the system of the magicians and the warriors of the rest of the world have no relevance with him. But the problem is the powers of the MC in question. He has his dark nebula wich can be formed into anything, so basically he has the Green Lanterns power. Thats a cool concept if done right. You make him use his powers at the beggining, building bombs and stuff, then later they are forgotten. The MC just makes walls, and later he just cuts people with a sword, or use the force to weight them down.

Overall is just wasted potential in the world build up.

-Characters:
Here we encounter a difficult setting, the characters need to have something that makes the reader relate to them. So we can care about that particular character, to cry when something bad happens to them, to feel joy when they conquer their quest or survive their tribulations. It doesnt matter if they are human or from another race, they need to feel human to us.

Even antiheroes need to have something that makes them likeable, a particular action, a conviction or something they want so bad, that you feel their desire and you root for them.

By taking his emotions you not only kill any chance of us getting to relate to the MC, but also of any character development that the MC might have. You now have a Terminator. If you saw the first two terminator movies(the 3, 4 and 5 are garbage), you see that altought the title of the movie is Terminator and T2, and arnold is the main character, the actual characters that drive the movie are the human ones. For example Sara Connor(1 and 2), Kylee Reese(1) and their son John Connor(2). The terminator is only a byproduct of skynet and the acts that the humans do trought the story.

The side characters in your story are really shallow, and few of them are actually memorable. The fact that 70% of your focus is the MC point of view, it just make us realise how little we care of the side characters when you do a chapter of their point of view.

And the motive behind the MC is shallow too. There are no motives you can relate to. He wants to become a god. Why? Just because he wants to? And what if he becomes a god, then what? He will play chess with the real good for eternity? He wants to be a god to protect his specie? Why does he even cares about them? Why do I care about him?

Overral your MC is a machine and the decisions he takes make no sense(He cares about his student? Wasnt he a cold hearted machine? If he choose to have his feelings again, then why would he trow them away in the first place?)

-Plot:
Now we get to something really important in fantasy books, the plot. When you write the plot of this kind of book you have to take several things into account. Like the difference between slow development, and no development at all. Not making the plot predictable or cliche, among other things.

The plot of your story at the beggining was very simple. He died, and now he wants to become a god just for kicks of it, so now we have a story of the underdog that wants to go from nobody to almighty god. But we get no credible explanation of why things are happening, or how things that alredy happened have any meaning with the plot of the story.

You killed any development of the plot when the “real god” erased the memories of the whole world(Including the gods in it), of the time he attacked the hurricane. We could have got a real plot development in many ways. You could have brought the gods in the context of the MC actions, you could have expanded the plot development of the guy that took the MC blood, you could have gave us the point of view of the gods when things that the MC did affected them. Instead we got bullshit plot twist of how the “real god” erased their memories.

And you never take on that subject ever again. Now we have the MC teaching a boy how to fight. Why? I mean really why? The MC becoming a 12 year old boy so he can gain fame, all that in a academy for teenagers. Wtf? Does the IQ of the MC is bellow 100? After all the brain power that the MC uses, to find a solution to the fact that he needs to get famous, the only thing he have is to become a 12 year old boy?(The fact that conveniently, there is sky metal in that academy is bullshit. That is just a cheap excuse. Deux ex machina moment to the fullest)

The inconsistency of the plot is huge. Therefore your plot went from ok to bad, and the from bad to worse. The fact that the rating of the story keeps going down should be proof enough.

– The Fights:
The fights in a fantasy story are important, they are what makes you read books with this subject. Its the climax of a any great character development. The way a character uses his powers in a fight can make you think: “So cool, I wish I had those powers”.

The fights here are obnoxious and kind of boring, plus they have no relevance to the story at all. The MC can make anything with his dark nebula, and he only makes walls appear randomly when he fights? The MC trains really hard so he can be powerful, but he doesnt fight the first dragon and instead tricks the dragon by making a bomb with his powers? Why couldnt he do that in the other fights?

That thing when he slashed the hurricane in half, never happened. God erased the memories of everyone, including the memories of the readers.

That fight with the second dragon? The MC getting his ass kicked by smal time draconians, that took 5 chapters so he could defeat them, all that so that the main fight is over in 1 chapter? And he kills it in 1 shot?

All in all, with the powers that the MC have, the fights are boring.

I hope you dont feel insulted and you keep writing. Im doing this review in the hopes that it will help you improve as a writer. Anyone can tell you “thanks for the chapter” in the comments section, and that brings 0 help as your improvement as a writer.

Good luck, have fun.

GMan2000
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An angry review, but one that must be said. *MILD SPOILER WARNING*

Before we say anything, you should know that I have read every one of his chapters, I know what I’m talking about.  Now I am not the greatest of writers, I’m a math brain not much else, but can you really call these nouns characters?

The progression has done nothing but go backwards for any party that’s involved!  Honestly people like Kael have gotten even less depth since meeting the MC!  Also, I thought they had decided they were now father and son not that one kid I trained and then made the heir to my empire.  And then there is the MC fan club that people should call his band of “everything goes right for these seriously OP, overly loyal NUTCASES!”  Literally HOW DO THESE PEOPLE MAINTAIN LOYALTY TO HIM!!  He barely shows up and yet people see him as this wonderful role model.  What’s worse is that his own people, who are apparently akin to his family, often talk about him as nothing more than a flipping fairy tale character.  He just dropped his son off and then disappears for years at a time, meaning annoying chapters that go into him simply describing his Black orb AND HOW HE CAN MAKE IT BLACKER!!

And don’t get me started on the women!  His harem is even worse than the fan club and the exception is that he has been openly abusive to them!  The relationship is even more shallow than some of the smuttier stories that exist on this site.  At least with those, the MC doesn’t throw them at one of the world’s most dangerous living creatures and say “You threw me into a cage for all of six minutes for actually meaningful reasons, so I, the apparent pragmatist that only understands logic, must hate you for your logical behavior.  Now feel my illogical wrath!”

I mean, his hatred is barely understandable, and that I accept.  I would even accept if his harem decided to hunt him down for nearly killing them.  But no, the only reason why they are tracking him across the entire earth, is because they are attracted to the robo- I mean MC.

Physical relationships do not drive people who should no better to hunt down a man that purposefully tried to have them killed just to see that smokin/effeminate bod. 

Oh yeah, and I must say, those epic slap-fights really show off that tacticians mind of his, don’t you?  It feels like I’m right there in the middle of wrestle mania, watching as the undertaker finally takes his rightful place as– woah!  My bad!  I seem to have gotten my no-tactics fighting mixed up, sorry!  But seriously this guy puts even less thought into what he’s going to do than that one spiky, golden haired, sexduple pack, over nine thousand character we all know and treat like that one uncle who’s name you can’t remember but am at least pretty sure is your godfather.  And honestly, that’s saying something.

And oh right, then there’s his psychopathic behavior.  He is the most illogical robot I have ever read about.  You see it as plot device, I see it as lazy writing. And anyone that has paid attention knows which plot device I'm talking about.

Now I understand how much people hate meaningless criticism, I do too.  So this is what you can do to fix your MC, and from there improve your book.  Derive inspiration from other writers, the ones that get the highest character ratings out there.  You had it going with the first few chapters in Ethereal Sovereign, but you dropped it to make people that have a goal but at the same time no motivation.  YOU HAVE POTENTIAL!!  Sarcasm would be the first step into developing the character, give him someone who peaks his curiosity and at the same time changes him.  I get the feeling you were going for that with Kael, but you stopped just short of actually achieving it.  You were a hairs breadth away from giving him emotion.  I get it that you are probably trying to create a pragmatist, but too many of his actions are illogical and based on the emotions he shouldn’t be able to feel, also a pragmatist would be more strategy minded, not go in guns a blazin’ with all that non-existent hotheadedness. 

Anyways, that is it for my rant, take or leave it, I’ll check up with you in a few months, see if anythings changed.  BYE!!

(also, my apologies for poor grammar, that's why I refuse to even grade him on that.)

lillion1
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This will be my first review on this site, and I will write it about a webnovel I kind of like, though it has a couple of big problems. Couple of days ago I decided to reread the entire story again from the beginning, with a more critical mindset. This is when I noticed the biggest flaw of this story, its inconsistency. A little bit later I will explain what I mean with it, but before I start with the problems I will list a couple of things that are good. 

 

Style.

Currently I get bored with web/lightnovels quite fast. Usually they start good and then fall into an endless loop of repetition. There is a battle, the main character either loses or wins, then he trains and there is another battle. This repetitive writing style ruins many good premises. One of the good parts of this story is the lack her off. The writer does a good job with constantly introducing new ideas in the story. First there are battles, then smiting, then alchemy. Power ups happen first this way, then another idea is added that adds to the first or replaces it. Because of this an idea of movement is created in the story. The lack of harem or dense/moronic main characters also works in the favor of this story. The mc has a proper goal he strives for, and while working for it his plans change because of either setbacks or things that went well. This helps with the development of this story and to a certain degree to the development of the characters as well.

 

Story. 

This is where the inconsistencies start popping up. In order to make clear what I mean, I will list a couple of examples, so SPOILER WARNING. This part is more meant for the author as constructive criticism.  For others who do not want any spoilers, they can skip to the grammar part. 

In the beginning of the story it was stated that the world exists for approximately 2000 years. Now halfway the story one of the female characters tells about a human friend her granddad had who created a special kind of gem. And that was before her parents died during a past war. So we can assume not a lot of time has gone past the 2000 year mark. Then why does our mc come into contact with an ore that has to be forget in volcanoes for 100000’s of years before it gets its properties? Unless inside the volcanoes time flows differently this should be impossible. Or have 88000 years gone past since the creation of Gaia academy? If so why is that not mentioned?

Sometimes what is done with numbers don’t make sense. At one point in time the mc travels to the central continent with a warship that should have been faster than travelling normally. Before moving out he helped a beggar, who somehow ended up at the same city as him less than a week later than him? While traveling on foot and converting others/starting a religion? Before meeting that beggar he converts a dwarf, then makes a deal with the beggar to meet up with him a month later. Starts training for months speaks to Asura and finds out the dwarf only woke up recently. Then continues speaking with the beggar like nothing is wrong, even though the poor guy had to wait for months while the mc was training. 

At some points calculations are done that don’t make sense at all. The strength of particles he creates have 10x the strength, those by c.particles have 3x the strength. After some tinkering he finds out how to improve them and makes his c.particles make particles with 3x the strength.

 

And these are just some examples. There are more. If a world is build for a story, an author has to make sure actions follow the rules of that world. Cause and effect should all be logical considering the rules of that story, if it is not it’s called a plot hole.

 

Grammar.

It started bad at the beginning, after a while  the grammar starts to improve. Some sentences are not written that fluently though, but I can understand that if English is not your native language. 

 

Characters.

Another fault in this story, though less irritating atm. Again SPOILERS. A lot of side characters are quite one-dimensional. The elven girl who tried to kill him suddenly saw his exterior and now is in love with him. That ninja girl is a tsundere. Which is a trope I hate, but I guess others might like it. The sexist ninja is the stereotypical sexual girl with nothing else to flesh out her character. That kid that got trained by our mc. shows some personal development in character and strength, which is nice. Though this forces me to ask the question why the other 3 mentioned characters did not get the same treatment. Asura didn’t get any character development either, except from changing races. No mentioning of how this changed him as a person, what it means for him etc. Nor have the dwarf and beggar gotten any development as a character. This makes sense, because they haven’t had much of a role in the story yet, so this is something that can be fixed for them. It is advised to give them more of a personal struggle for that. Some changes in character perhaps. In the later chapters I did see some resemblance of doubt within the beggar, quite subtle. If something is done with it, his character will be more fleshed out because of it. 

Now on to the mc. The fact that his emotions are regulated by his body kinda makes it difficult to say anything about his lack of character and one-dimensional focus on improvement, after all these factors are a part of the story. He is not really human atm, so it is not easy to relate with him though. In one of the later chapters it was noted that he will get his emotions under control. Doing that will make the mc more likable, which will make the story better as well. The problem now is that he has shut down his trauma’s etc. The emotions that force a character to develop as a character are not present. Therefore the semblance of personal growth is not present either. And no, power ups / learning new skills is not personal growth. I hope that soon this can be fixed by making him more human. 

 

Overall

Even though this story has many faults, the idea is very interesting. Although I’m annoyed every time such inconsistencies pop up, I’m still willing to wait a week every time to read the new chapter. Which is strange, because normally when such things start happening I lose interest and start looking for something else to read. The world itself is interesting, which is probably the reason I keep following this story and if these faults get fixed the story will improve greatly. I do advice the author though to re-read his story again from the beginning critically and fix these inconsistencies. 

Redfish
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A Disappointingly Flawed Gem

Delightful in all areas... except for the MC and many supporting female characters.

 

What works

From the start we are presented with an amazing view of a fantasy world that strays close to cliché, yet defines itself as incredibly different through wonderful narrative. Refreshingly, the story also avoids many pitfalls of fantasy elements, and does a fair job at reasoning through choices made by the gods and other characters, with quite a few power struggles being resolved  through well reasoned compromises.

What doesn't

From the beginning of the web fiction the MC is shown to be a pragmatist; neither cruel nor good, simply taking the most logical steps to reach a desired outcome. Unfortunately this starts to become a major detriment to the character development of the MC, as his decisions are often very straightforward and invoke very little empathy or excitement within the reader. The MC also has a habit of involving himself in situations and persecuting other characters for no apparent reason, which seemingly contrasts with his neutral, intelligent and logical character. As romantic elements are introduced they inevitably clash with the MC's wooden personality; which creates an incredibly awkward environment that has no relevance to the actual story, and also completely destroys the character development of any female characters that happen to come into contact with him.

In most fiction much of this could be forgiven with exciting combat and situations; however, the MC's main ability is seemingly all encompassing, yet bounded by an indeterminable power level, and is mostly used in a brute force offense/defensive manner, leaving fights fairly bland at times, only being made interesting by the other characters involved. 

Conclusion

Whilst I came to love the world and many of the characters that the author had lovingly crafted, I found it harder and harder to bear with the MC and characters that joined him on his journey, with situations became more and more random. Furthermore, as I was unable to consistently identify his actual character and power level it left me feeling increasingly disconnected with the story in general and apathetic about what was to come, with the introduction of harem/ecchi elements completely killing my interest in reading further.

All in all I look forward to seeing the author's further works, as the world captured within this web fiction is fantastic, and some of the characters are well developed; but in my opinion the design of the main character, as well as many female characters, is fairly poor, which undermines the overall strength of the story in general.

josh1002
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Kinda REALLY blew it around the Dragon Arc. For you romance readers out there...

Just cleaned up the review a bit as to let it have more sense to new readers.

 

====

For those of you looking for a romance novel, you might want to skip out, or grit your teeth through it and see if the author actually plans to have actual romance in story past Chpt. 60.

I’ll start off with what made me really lose it.

 

The part where the MC and two of his companions go to a dragons cave. 

 

Basically, the MC and Co are going to take a "treasure" from said Dragon.

 

Now you should note that one, according to this fic, just ONE dragon has the potential to turn a continent into a wasteland of endless death and destruction and go back to sleep like it was nothing. The other races could literally do NOTHING to stop it and the Angel and Demon race would walk out and leave the other races to their fate.

 

And you know what the MC decides to do? Pull the wool over the dragon's eyes, his companions, and then activate some retarded trap for NO REASON (he already has the treasure by this point). And you know what the trap does!? Give the dragon and his so called "companions" (read: People that we're warming up to him) an NON FATAL electric shock.

 

Does this piss off the dragon?

You bet your ass.

 

Does the dragon flip out with a fury looking for the MC?

NO!

 

Why?

I don't know! For whatever reason, the dragon just roars in anger then goes back to sleep! There was absolutely NO REASON for the dragon not going out of it's mountain and to KILL the MC because he has the treasure, which by the way, the dragon was guarding due to it being "EVIL".

 

This is not the only scene the should be raising red flags for this story for you.

 

There's also the fact that he's set up as "General" of a space fleet. (Shouldn't it be Admiral at the very least? Or Space Commander?). Meaning he should be a mature adult right? Nope. The MC acts like a bipolar teenage girl on her period. I WISH I was joking! The MC goes on this tirade of saying how he's "so emotionless" then the next moment decides to flip the fuck out. This especially relates to this lion-like monster he encounters in the beginning. Already, this whole trait of him being "emotionless" is falling apart and because of this, there is no character growth so the MC remains a dickweed all through out even in Chpt 90+

Then the author tries to ease this off by making him feel guilty about the dragon scene a chapter later. You know, the part where he MIGHT have killed his companions in the dragons den? By the way, he has no way of knowing if their alive or not! Oh, oh! Let's not forget to mention one of those companions is the GRANDDAUGHTER of his martial arts teacher! And all he gets is to squirm for one paragraph before moving on to the next plot device?

All this is annoying because the author played it like he was starting to be nice and warm up to the companions before the MC just throws them off a cliff.

Okay, fine. Play him as a douche. But then don’t try and give him a conscience, then just drop off said conscience aside.

 

Frankly, I think we need to be stricter with the romance tag as there is ZERO romance all the way to chapter 59. Yes, girls are “fawning” over him, but since he’s not even engaging in it, heck, even dropping (romanced) established side characters off a cliff, well, that doesn’t seem the lease bit romantic does it? Especially to people wanting to read a romance-genred novel.

 

Honestly, the author has potential in his writing. His world building is truly fantastic. But the story reads like a wet dream (Encounters ninja clan early on? Really? And gets trained by them?).

 

All in all, great start. That's all. Nothing to complain about your style or grammar, however the heart and soul of your fic, your story and characters, needs work.(READ: Characters are ABYSMAL. If I could put a negative score for it, it would be a -10.) Quite a lot really. Hell, if it was me, I'd rewrite the whole thing. Make the MC more likable. Make use of the romance tag or just drop it all together if you're going with "Hates women" trait of the MC.

 

Nixxara
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Unlimited Possibilities

Style: I feel like the style is really simple, and that isn't really a problem considering there is a lot of information given during certain times that require the simple structure. My only suggestion is to add more comedy/humor within the story. Maybe have certain situations be more lighthearted or have the MC one-up/troll a antagonist? Ex. ATG/Yun Che trolling ((IDK The story is already really good without it >_<))

Story: First of all, I love the idea of using dark matter in another world! This was definitely something only a creative mind can think of and I love the unlimited possibilities the power could bring to the story! Not to mention, even though the beginning was really bumpy and I almost dnfed, I still tried to read a little more and holy did I make the right decision. The story got way better after the first 35%. Also, many thanks to the author for being so thoughtful to the readers. I remember at a certain chapter, you mentioned how you didn't watch to drag a certain scene out because it was unnecessary. I felt really grateful because I dislike dragged out situations where nothing much happens and has the same conclusion in the end anyways. Kudos to you!

Grammar: Overall, the grammar is pretty good. There are a few runon sentences that stump me here and there but they aren't that frequent. Not many complaints so moving on---

Character: Mc is kind of cold,  but that probably is the whole point of the story. I like and dislike his lack of emotion. When I read Chinese novels, I hate when the characters are blinded by emotions like love and anger. I like how the mc isn't swayed by women and doesn't feel much pity. The fact that he is aware of his lack of emotions and tries to at least have a little is also a plus. My hope is for the mc to treat the Kirin a bit more like a pet than item/servant. In the beginning, the mc felt like a rock and I didn't really like him that much but now I feel like his past personality is used just to show the personality he has developed now. The mc has truly grown and developed in character. :)

 

 

 

Shallow
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Hello… I have returned muhaha…. anyway a lot of things sure have happened when I was gone. Life has really been very cruel to me these past few months, my plan was to update my review at least once a month but then again some things just don’t go on according to what you plan. You sure have leveled up, putting some artworks and even having an artist eh? Anyway… lets start with some reviewing.

 

Your style has been quite good for a while right now… not too shabby and not too jargon if you ask me, but to put it bluntly it’s too simple. Try to have some times where you put in a good chunk of mystery for the readers to make them curious… add a bit of idiomatic expressions in some situation to make the story flow a bit smoother… also try to do what others call “show not tell” show not tell more or less means that do not try to narrate the events that happen by the omnipotent third person but instead show the events by perspective of a character (either the main or the supporting or maybe just some background characters) Expecting some good things from you, all of the above are just advices from a lowly mortal so even if you did not heed it you lose nothing.

 

The story is flowing quite nice and still have that one interesting aspect I like, you know that one aspect? It’s the hundred or maybe even thousand of possibilities present in your story that is. It is certain that our MC will be stronger than those deities but still… I am very curious about what he will do then after, will he become a tyrant that abuses his strenght or will he become a saint that will try to improve the lives of the poor and stabilize the lives of the rich? or will he become a reclusive hermit that continuosly aim for pointless invincibility? or shall he became all of the above with the hint of madness? oh before I forgot, try to add a bit of comedy to lighten the mood sometimes alright?

 

Grammar. Well well well… look at you, just a short amount of time I was gone and you already had those PRs… damn quite a long time ago when I tried to write my own fiction no one even tried to correct my inconsistent grammar and here look at you, you already had your own PRs and even had an artist (I am definitely not jealous) haha anyway, Still seeing some typos here and there also names must always start with a capital letter, nothing too serious but I prefer to read a fiction with perfect basic grammar. Also the reason I did not make it five star is not because of the previously said inconsistence but instead you lack the good portion of idiomatic expression, did you know that idiomatic expressions are sometimes the thing I love about a story?

 

Character – I already know why the attitude of the MC was like that in the beginning arc from the start as it felt a bit forced from my perspective but still quite acceptable as you fooled a good amount of readers and even created some haters. The two reasons why I said from my previous review is that the characters are normal is because I did not want to spoil the surprise you’re gonna give the readers that did not found out and also it is really normal by my opinion. Think… by all of billion peoples you got picked and given a second chance to live by an almighty being also having an ability that can nearly do everything you think of as long as you understand it… wouldn’t you feel a bit special? I mean can you really maintain that good samaritan attitude? anyway enough of this topic. Do you also notice that the character store sheet is missing a star? because frankly I was very disapointed with some developments that you proposed and added in the story… I will not disclose those developments as I am only a reviewer not an editor and also it might only be my opinion, but please I tell you… If you’re planning to publish this as a book then watch out for those kinds of development.

 

Then… I may be gone for a long time, longer than my last disappearance because of certain reasons… but I will try to take a glimpse at your fiction once in a while to see if you at least heed my advices but most of all I still like your fiction… Sorry If there is any kind of typos or inconsistence in my grammar for I wrote this review in my phone and there is no grammar check in my phone… Till then I guess?

arnadar
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 I'll make this quick and I'll comment briefly on why i had to drop it after 24 chapters:

 

setting is very promising.

story seems very random when our character gets dropped into the new world. Might get better later on.

grammar is rather bad; the fact that the author does not use commata sensibly makes this a chore to read. Especially so, when the sentences get long. This made it rather tedious to read and at times even outright confusing. 

The actions of the protagonist are very incongruent with the backstory of his that we've been provided with at the beginning. As in, he's supposed to be a general but acts more like a teenager.

 

All in all: has potential, needs to be seriously proofread and characters need to be fleshed out. 

ScotlandForsythe
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Amazing world/prologue and spectral Regalia mc =eh?

A summary of what people have already said: 

  • Plot: great idea poor output
  • Beginning: Great! In fact it’s what drew everyone in.
  • World: BRILLIANT I mean genius world building.
  • MC: a bipolar guy who is supposed to be emotionless. Oh, he hates women too.
  • Side characters: the mc hates women = quite shallow development
  • Style: interesting not the best though

Overall: try putting an emotionless and pragmatic guy with temper issues and a hatred towards women, with a harem who immediately fell for his looks with no development  (romantically or character wise), an amazing prologue, an amazing world…. and what do you get?………. Spectral Regalia…. or a great idea that sort of went …. there…. to the place where your socks end up.

 

I understand why people say it’s great, but it really isn’t for people who can’t stick through the mc’s personality. 

crazyforce14
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updated review, the Mc has since got a bit better - till chapter 141

So ill try to make quick points to make it clear

  1. No romance yet, still....
  2.  If your looking for Harem or came for the "Mature" tag, same as the above there is zero of either one because again he dislikes women, update till chapter 141- but since chapter 110 seems to be a bit more mature with his emotions, progress from the author
  3. If your looking for an Mc that looks so good women go crazy for your in luck... for about 15 chapter then the Mc gets a mask to cover his face because people looking at him is so "annoying", update till chapter 141 -this is still true
  4. if you thought the mask would make him mysterous and at least he still looks good your in luck.... till about chapter 60 he learns how to change his body, not illusion actually change it, which he does.....into a really bland normal guy because he doesnt like talking to women, he also wears the mask too which doesnt make sense, but thats the author for you, update till chapter 141- this is partially true, the author never spoke about it so we just assume he is living life as an bland normal man now, still dumb af
  5. if you like th idea that the Mc was originally a general, tough luck he has zero resemblance of a general, he is an asshole, update till chapter 141- no real progress here, maybe a bit less
  6. If you like the story to center around the Mc, well.... for about 30 chapter the story centers around this kid Kael (a side character) BUT even though he is a side character he has all of Mc powers plus some special shit of his own making him pretty much better than MC, he is whiny, and gets strong easy... also he looks good and isnt shy from women SOOOO he is literally a better Mc than the Mc, no one likes him, ummmm did i mention that literally 30 chapter just on him which is months of time since this is updated once a week. - update till chapter 141 - the author has improved on this thankfully
  7.  The Mc is bad, thats really all you need to know when thinking of whether to read or not..... like really really bad, no development at all and is a complete asshole to any women even though the fucking help too, there is a point where he almost gets 2 killed because of an old grudge... even though they put it past them and started working together. - update till chapter 141 - He still needs to better with the women, and its still to early to judge if the author made progress.
  8.  I gave the author a bit of a boost to the rating, not my real ratings, but Royal Road is retarded and put it in number 70 while a bunch of garbage stories that dont ever get updated ever are in front and that is a bit of a crime. I mean really ranking 70, this does get updated at least 1x a week and more if someone donates, how you going to put stories that havent been updated in 6 months ahead of that.