Stop Calling Me A Demon King

Short Version?

The author has no understanding how to write an OP MC. Side characters have decent depth and personality and the grammar is better than average. However, unless you like characters nearly getting themselves kill, all their friends killed, and anyone who relies on them killed by being idiotic and not using their powers and fighting in the most stupid and only possible way for them to die and get injured...yeah skip this.

Longer Version...

The story has a pretty decent story start. Summoned stuff and OP powers, I like OP characters so it doesn't bother me. MC can use both external magic and reinforcement magic so he's super unique. He learns to uses magic then absolutely demolishes over a dozen skilled and trained soldiers all able to use physical reinforcement without touching them. So very OP and I could roll with it even though the explanations were only so-so.

Then he forgets it all, decides he wants to be a melee fighter without ever focusing or learning how physical reinforcement works. Fights solo while dozens of soldier stand by and watch him get himself nearly killed for fighting in melee while not using his magic...

The side characters are pretty interesting, with personalities that you can enjoy. Sadly the MC is an idiot to allow the author to add artificial tension. No the MC won't lose, even when he gets 'killed' they don't finish the job and the healers can heal him. He claims to have 5 years of combat martial arts training yet he has 0 discipline in battle. If the author had not tried to make him like every internal wish-fulfillment MC and give him tons of past experience to explain his OP'ness then maybe it wouldn't be so annoying. Yet the author did and even showed it off at the start of the novel to prove how OP he was. Only to never again use any of it and let the MC be stupid because the author doesn't know or doesn't want to use a better method to allow us to empathize with the main character.

The story is fantastic, very few grammatical errors within, although some are present in the authors notes sometimes =Þ. The overall theme is executed nicely as well. If I have any complaints, it would probably be that I feel like the MC doesn't take full advantage of his skills and abilities.

Side note for the author: Keep up the amazing work! I've set the website to send me an email whenever you post a new chapter. Please consider your work of art one fan richer!

It doesn't hurt to read and I don't remember any obvious mistakes, however this is after only 2 chapters and I have no standards.

Keep it up :P

This is terrible. A story of only plot contrivance. The main character is stupid and has no personality. Yet another cliche cold-hearted jackass.

The writing in this story is very solid. This review score may be high and possibly overly positive, but that is because I am judging the story in comparison to other stories I have read on this site, and I have found a lot of them to be lacking in various areas (though maybe I haven't been reading the right ones.)

First and, most importantly for me, is the way you have used first person to establish a distinct voice for your main character. The advantage of first person stories is that you can quickly establish interest in your story by the way the narrator presents it. Your understanding of character writing is strong, as when the story briefly switched to another POV, it was immediatley apparent that the story was being told by a different character. The great thing about that chapter is that it also showed that the story being presented to us by the main character is colored by his perception of events, and that from an outside perspecive his version of events can be seen to be somewhat unreliable.

I like the magic system, seems so far like a pretty soft system of magic (the limits of what it can and cannot do have not been fully explored) but I like that the main characters abillitys so far have had good logical consistency to them. Also while you have shown him to be very powerful in the story so far, I didn't get the feeling that there would be nothing to challenge him (though this is subject to how you go from here). I like that haven't given a concrete explanation for the source of his power and slowed the story down with pointless exposition. I also liked the internal consistency of the magic presented so far, MC can manipulate air and solidify air, cool, that means he can also stop soundwaves from escaping a room.

The worldbuilding has also been good far, the characters in the world seemed competent at their jobs and seem to have their own agency, also like the whole military experiment angle, sets up a lot of good potential for the world in the future. Good descriptions of environment also.

Unrelated, but the names of the fantasy characters in this have been great so far, they flow naturally and don't sound awkward or "fake" as names.

I am curious as to whether you have an outline planned or you are discovery writing this story.

I wish I could be more critical becuase that might be more useful for you, but for now keep up the good work.

Good grammar without any obvious misspellings.
Interesting enough story telling.
Quite a lot of gaps in logic but for a normal reader it probably wouldn't be seen.

The MC starts out fine enough but it seems like he's a bit too lucky. Somehow enslaving the pretty doctor without a single thought of revenge even though she almost enslaved him and killed hundreds of his kinsmen. The way it goes from "She's pretty so she lives" to "It's okay for her to third degree insult me without any backlash" is also a bit fast.

Without any plot building their relationship it seems a bit weird that he would let the almost "Nazi Scientist" like individuel say "Facts" that he has no way of confirming nor prove.

If by some point it was said that he knew he was enslaving her it would make sense. Because then the "Logic" of it would be information. But just accidentaly doing it and then talking to her as if they had been buddies for years seems a bit weird.

In some sense i kinda wish he had just killed her and everyone else on his path and then later getting a female lead. 

He seems less of a anti hero and more of a Chaotic Neutral with a luck stat of 50. 

His powers are okay and his OPness doesn't really do anything bad for the story. But the fight scenes could be done over since it seems like he truly is a Chaotic Neutral in the sense that he just does whatever pops up into his mind first. Like forgetting all magic and going melee first into the enemy.

This is more of a light hearted comedy story. While there are some inconsistencies in the MC's powerlevel from the first fight to the new ones in the town, I didn't find it as a hugh issue. The story so far has been clever, and fun to read. I hope more people come and give this story a shot. 

I will point the story based on my opinion in the order of best to worst aspects :

1.Grammar - 4.75   Easy to read,barely any errors.A few blocks of text sometimes ,but i expect a PR to change this after the story is done.

2.Style - 3.5   The style is good as a first person narative, but the scarce dialogue combined with the over-explanation of it and the journal type writting leaves a bitter taste.

You already told us who are we following,there is no need for that person to say " ,i said" or when talking with one other person to say " he told me" ,it's not like he talked to the moon.

I will feel less as a journal that breaks immersion if you make him interact with people or timeskipping for a few hours/days than saying : "We were on the road,nothing is happening,we are going to town,we arrived,we met a guard,we left the guardstation,we went for an inn,we have scarce money".

3.Story - undecided (2-4 ,need more plot and development to measure)

This is tricky.I like your idea that every race has the same normal un-magically modified body,too many stories put accent on the difference of races (like superhuman strength,reflexes,magic bodies) yet it is never really described in any fight as important.

The worldbuilding of only men using body reinforcement (body shield) and only women using magic spell (glass cannons) is nice ,but so far only the slaves were ever shown , make a few scenes when these are used for daily life problems.

The search for the Demon King plot is kind of taking unnecesary screen time by introducing unrecurring characters without names or forgetable.I already forgot the Duke's name. The talks are boring,you could have sent the countess off with less that 200 words.

Why are you even making them focus on staying in a town ,next to the facility,in the same country while revealing the name of the colonel? The plan was to get away, in another country or further, not stasying there for 1 whole week just so that he can have revenge and alert all the world that he is there.

"Keeping my emotions under control was usually easy.  I felt my emotions deep and strong, like a subterranean river, but I left them riding sidecar to logic and necessity" -pure bullshit

4.Characters - (1.5-3)  Up untill chapter 10 i would've given the Mc a 5/5 most of the time,now tho,i find myself contemplating were did it go?Where did this happy go lucky yet arrogant person came from,cause this is no way in hell the Mc from the start.

Why? Because :

- he come in a new world,is told only men can use reinforce and only women spells.What does he do? Use the magic for a few minutes,gets bored ,then forgets he ever had it? Are you even remotely preoccupied of your survival in this new world?Get a hang of your power so that you could use them at a moment's notice or passively if you are oh, so bored. But no,he focused on a stupid fucking language writting learning,writting doodles and reading colonel's novels. I rat8 8/8 4 dat survival instincts m8 no r8.

 - for someone who was about to be enslaved,got kidnapped and went through hell's pain course ,he is very lenient to his kidnapper and let's her and other slaves without even a word, wow ,i am horrible human being compared to him,but at least i can exist

-seriously explain how that collar curse works,because i think they should prevent slaves from ever touching him with scissors no matter the reason. Even if it was intended as a comedy moment i can't let it pass.

- i said that i like that everyone has a easy to break body and that you don't use a retarded cultivation with mana on top of racial body traits like any other novel ,but i can't accept the supposed 100% fight person going in a fight with some hooligans and not expect other to be around,he was trained for that,he went in similar fights as that situation and act like he acted only so that you can make him do a hypocrite's revenge only so that you can develop other side characters,describe the healing and try to make more comedy moments.It's unacceptable. I expected that if he were drunk(like batman) or sleepy and forgot to reinforce himself, but he was clear minded,awake and with sloppy to no training in reinforcing that Mercy explained was the reason he could defeat trained soldiers with vastly more experience than him.

If, if it was a spar with no magic involved against a veteran or a couple of them with decades off experience that he subestimated and instead got his ass handed to him like he should, that would've worked. Not some character breking like that shitty chapter 14. Even the dragon's prank got him no further in magic research and the revenge that spanned 2 whole chapters was even worse.

Making Daphne treat a slave that got his ass kicked would be good as well for introducing the healing system.

I really hope you either delete this couple of chapters and go back to drafting or move this sequence of events to the later chapters when he will be dead drunk  but still be himself and not this abomination.

On the other characters,except the 6-7 main slaves,the others feel like they are cardboard people with no presence,they are not even there for convenience (that's the problem with having so many people and trying to focus on only some of them at a time or never)

 *update* lowered the scores since the novel denigrated in fighting while asking talking/ Q&A series of events with no speck of the Mc from the first chapters, gj

Good world building with an intriguing budding story. However the MC comes out as retarded, why does he have little interest in mastering his abilities when his very life and freedom was at risk from the moment he was summoned. And why doesn't he follow the path of least resistance in all fights, his handling against the soldiers in the cafeteria was ingenious, but the later fight against the gang leader was moronic.

Also, this applies to most narrative with magic, why is there none to little application of defensive magic, you can always hit someone with a sword or throw a javelin, offensive mastery can wait if time is pressing. Offensive magic might be very usefull against some mighty mythical creature, but for a human a dagger between the rib is just as effective as a 10 feet fireball.

And lastly, crossbows, a very usefull weapon just as effective as bows at close to mid range with a much lower skill threshold. And as of chapter 27, i dont see any human characters standing up to it, and if loaded seems faster than a spell incantation. 

All said though, the story still has great potential.

Its refreshing to see a story where the MC gets his ass handed to him in a brutal fashion.... then does something about it in a believable fashion.

the story start is of the summom trope, but quickly deviates from it.

the point of view swiches from character to character with well indicated breaks.

I didnt notice any obvious grammer mistakes

the characters... yeah, its the characters that makes this story... not too fleshed out as of yet... but more than enough for this early in the story.

Just read it