Necromancer and Co.

by Dissonance

Original Adventure Fantasy LitRPG Magic Multiple Lead Characters Slice of Life
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

A group of 17 year old students are sent to a fantasy world and crap, not to save anyone or anything, just to kind of... well, be there.

But what would happen in these 17 year olds don't die off a few days in and decide to explore the world for the hell of it? Well, it probably won't end well for them or anyone else, but what's the worst that could happen?

They all die horribly?

Nah, that wouldn't be a story worth telling.

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I'm just a novice trying out writing, really. If I can have some criticism, I'll take it and appreciate it. Also, the story won't have tragedy and it would be very nice if someone gave me a better story description. Really, I'm shit at these.

The new cover was drawn by me, a new one will come at some point, with some actual relation to the MC and the current plotline.

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Dissonance

Dissonance

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MysteriousGuyWithAMoustache
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Suprisingly enjoying it... Not enough good mage stories, let alone necromancer, most mages are ussually warrior hybrids or fire mages.

kirosyamcha
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not particularly my favorite style of writing but its good enough if your a fan. I dont like how it jumps from character to character sometimes and gives the same or similar info just from the other persons point of view, unther than that I think this will be a good story!

Azcheron
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Great start, I'm looking forward to the rest

 

Style: 4/5

The story itself isn't very long yet, and I managed to binge read the whole thing in a matter of about an hour, so its hard to give a concrete judjement on style yet, but what I can say is that the writing flows very well and does not feel stilted or like its been translated as many other stories on this site do. There is a good use of decriptive adjectives and italics which lend themselves to helping the reader pick up on what you want to convey and stress. So far I like it a lot, but at the same time its not long enough to deserve 5* so I'm giving it 4*.

Story: 5/5

Now, the review of story is always going to be quite subjective and up for debate. I know the actual story so far isn't very long, but unless the author somehow nose-dives it, I'll be leaving it as 5* in the future. The premiss is that a group of young adults/mature teens have been transported to a fantasy RPG world. And they each awaken a type of magic. A basic premise which I welcome very much and as far as I know hasn't actually been explored yet. The fact that the main character, thus far, also happens to be a necromancer is just the icing on the cake for me. Yeah, I really enjoyed Halosty's Necromancer, and Awaken Online (read it before it was taken down \o/ ) and it looks like I'll really enjoy this one too. The world hasn't been fleshed out yet, but even in the last chapter I read (6) we can already see the scope of the story expanding in a very welcome and not cliche direction. I look forward to seeing where this has to go.

Grammar: 4.5/5

Grammar. How correctly is the writing done. Well I'm no english teacher by any means, but from what I've read so far nothing particularly jumps out or is bad enough to break immersion with the story. Now I'm not going to thread through every chapter looking for mistakes, because as far as I'm concerned thats not right and if for the reader its perfect then even if its not "perfect" I think its good enough. The point of good grammer after-all is to allow for an accurate conveying of information and so far the story does just that. I'm not going to give it 5* because I don't know  that its perfect, but its damn good enough for 4.5*.

Character: 4/5

Now, I know the story is still short and there's been a lot of action so far. But really the characters besides Alan aren't as fleshed out as they could be. The dialogue doesn't really devote itself much towards showing us the characters thoughts and intentions, and while I can appreciate that the 3 currently together should be friends, another character for there to be some tension would be welcome. Right now for intance Adam feels pretty one dimensional. However I still feel like I have to give it some benefit due to in part my addmitance that the story is still young, and also the scene of the first Skeleton which Alan dominates. That POV was pretty well done in my opinion and I actually think it went quite a way in getting the reader interested in the skeleton, at least I was, and I wouldn't mind if you did more small POVs like that again. I mean I know it wasn't a full on first person POV, what I mean was the 3rd person POV. But yeah, I hope you understand.

Overall: 4.5/5

I know this isn't the mathematical conclusion of my scores, but the thing about fiction is that it is more often than not greater than the sum of its parts. And this story for me can be one of the better, if not one of the best, given that the Author takes their time and makes each chapter well. And also keeps making chapters :p

But yeah, I really enjoyed it and I can't wait to read more of what you have to offer!

Ulia-chan
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First Impressions (Revised to Chapter Four)

So I've just finished chapter four, and I'm on the fence here. Your battle scenes are detailed and I can get a tense vibe, but in my opinion—other readers, this is just an opinion. Don't get too annoyed, Jesus—the characters are bland, there isn't enough world building and it's all a bit too fast-paced.

Reading through, I felt like they knew how to survive in a world such as this like they've done it before, and their interactions are generic, to say the least. Their emotions don't jump out at me

Their emotions don't jump out at me either. Why do all of them know how to fight monsters? They're a bit too badass/OP.

However, this is, just like you said, your first attempt at something like this, and so I shouldn't berate you so harshly. This isn't my cup of tea plot-wise, so I don't think I'll be reading much more of this. It's not that I think it's bad. It's more along the sense of "This is good for what it's meant to be, but I'm looking for something more."