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They sat together in the inn. Two girls, alike in gender and different in pretty much every other respect.

Ryoka Griffin and Erin Solstice eyed each other over the smooth mahogany table. Silence hung in the air between them. Taut. Tense.

It was finally time for them to talk.

“Well. It seems we have a lot to talk about.”

Ryoka was the first to break the silence. She looked up at Erin, and then down at her hands. Quite honestly, she didn’t know where to begin.

“I suppose—we should start with how we got here.”

It was the basis of all things. Sharing information. They needed to pool data, make plans for the future. Their survival could depend on it.

Ryoka took a deep breath. From the beginning. She’d put all her secrets on the line and hope Erin did the same.

“Erin, I came down towards Liscor because I was doing a delivery. A special one. You see, I met this man named Teriarch. And he put some kind of—of spell on me. It made me travel towards the Blood Fields and—”

Ryoka broke off sharply. Erin was raising a hand.

“What is it.”

“I’m sorry. But can we just—not do this right now?”

Oh of course. Ryoka closed her eyes. Erin was probably exhausted from meeting Gazi and rescuing Ceria. But this was important.

“I guess we can start tomorrow if necessary. I can sleep—”

Erin shook her head.

“No, not that. I mean this. Can we just cut the act for a second and take a break? From this stupid story, I mean. Why do we have to have a serious conversation now? Can’t we rest for, I dunno, five days and then go from there?”

Ryoka hesitated.

“But the script says we talk now and—”

“The script can go to hell! I’m sick of it!”

Erin glared at Ryoka.

“I’ve been here for nine months, and I still haven’t gotten a proper romantic relationship. Or even a wand or something like that.”

Ryoka paused. Erin sighed and put her face in her hands.

“And now I have to poke someone’s eye out? Do you know what that feels like? I mean, come on. I know you’re a professional, Ryoka, but I need a break. I’m sorry.”

Erin put her head down on the table. Ryoka patted her on the back and looked around. Then she lowered her voice conspiratorially.

“You think you’ve got it bad? At least you only have to deal with the inn. Every time I’m in a chapter I have to run for my life or nearly get eaten or—or have my leg run over by a frickin’ cart.

Ryoka made a face at Erin.

“It’s been six months of this crap. Twice a week I have to run around, fight monsters, and complain about how stupid people are.”

Erin nodded. She sat up as Ryoka sighed.

“I know. And what’s with the frying pans, anyways? Who uses frying pans?”

“I know. I didn’t even get a weapon! What am I, too stupid to buy a sword? How hard is it honestly to use one. Put the pointy end in people. Simple!”

The two girls sat together and began to complain. Ryoka was nodding as Erin laid out her grievances.

“You’d think the author would at least give me a magic wand or something. I mean, is it beyond the realm of possibility that I’d fall into an ancient tomb or stumble over a mage’s corpse. I could have been Harry Potter. Instead I’m…Dudley.”

“Oh come on, you’re not fat.”

“It’s going to happen sooner or later. How do you think I deal with stress? Every time I nearly die I eat half a pig’s worth of food.”

Erin shuddered and shook her head. Ryoka winced sympathetically.

“Okay, how about this?”

The Asian girl spread her hands on the table and looked at Erin.

“Crossovers. They’re a good waste of time. Nothing plot-centric ever happens in a crossover. If we get one with another story, we could waste a chapter or two that way. Take a break.”

She grinned at Erin.

“You could magically appear in Hogwarts and meet Harry Potter for a day. Learn some magic, only it would only work with a wand – which you can’t bring back. That’s a good crossover. Plus, you could see if you can’t get a leg up on Ginny Weasly. Put the moves on scar boy.”

Ryoka nudged Erin with an elbow.

“Huh, huh?”

Erin made a face that wasn’t too enthusiastic.

“That would be cool. I guess. But you know that will never happen. Harry Potter’s over, and besides, there are all those licensing issues.”

That was true. Ryoka had to think about that.

“Well—what about other web serials? Maybe another author would go for a chapter trade. Like…what about Worm?”

“Worm? Do you want to die horribly?”

Erin glared at Ryoka, and the other girl held up her hands.

“Okay, okay. Good point. How about a webcomic? Those are nice.”

“That takes too long to draw.”

“Not unless we’re stick figures. We could try Order of the Stick.”

“I dunno. I don’t think I’d look good in 2D. Besides, you know the author’s too lazy to do any of that.”

“True.”

The two sat in silence for a few minutes. At last, Erin spoke.

“We should protest. Start a petition.”

Ryoka pounded the table.

“You’re right! Let’s send one to the Author’s Association.”

“Wait, there’s an Author’s Association?”

“…Probably not. But we can post it on change.org!”

“Yeah! Let’s do it!”

“Okay, I have a piece of paper here. Let me start this petition.”

Ryoka pulled out the chapter’s script and began scribbling on the back. Erin got up and hovered over the paper as Ryoka wrote.

“pirateaba is obviously a fake name. But I know what the real author’s name is.”

“Okay. What is it?”

Erin smiled. She pointed to the first line.

“Helicopter DeFranco. Okay, so we’ll start by saying that ‘We the main characters of the story feel that the author, Helicopter DeFranco has repeatedly ignored our right to acceptable working hours, freedom of speech, medical care, a safe working environment, and…’”

“Wait a second.”

Ryoka had to hold up a hand and cut Erin off.

“Are you sure his name is Helicopter DeFranco?”

Erin frowned.

“Pretty sure? And it’s ‘she’, Ryoka. The author is a she. Helicopter can be a girl’s name as well as a guy’s.”

Ryoka stared at Erin. She paused, put down the pen, rubbed at her eyes, and looked at Erin.

“First: the author’s name is not Helicopter DeFranco. I don’t know where you’re getting that from.”

Erin looked down sadly at her hands.

“The comments lied to me.”

Ryoka shook her head.

“Second: the author is male.”

“He is not! I mean—she is not!”

“The author is totally a he, Erin. Only a guy would be this much of a dick to female characters.”

“If we were in a LitRPG web serial written by a guy, we’d both be in a harem. And your breasts would be three times as large.”

Ryoka looked down at her chest and covered it protectively.

“Not every male author is a chauvinistic pig. Some of them can write female characters. Like George R. R. Martin.”

“If we were in The Game of Thrones we’d be dead.

“True…”

“Anyways, the author is a she.”

“He.”

“She.”

“It?”

“Look, are we going to write the petition or not? Let’s just write ‘pirateaba’ for now and change it later.”

Ryoka hesitated as she stared at the paper.

“But are we sure we want to do this? I mean, seriously?”

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

“He could have Gazi come back and stab us repeatedly.”

Erin paused. And then she looked at Ryoka, seriously.

“Ryoka, let me ask you this instead: what do you think the odds are that the author’s going to have that happen anyways?”

Ryoka stared at Erin for a second, and then sat down and began to write.

 

—-

 

Later that day, Relc and Kblkch walked towards the inn. They stopped when they saw the signs planted deep in the snow.

 

 

Female main characters for proper pay and time off! Striking until we get vacations!

Free our heroines! No stabbing for all!

I want a pay raise!

 

Relc turned to Klbkch.

“Looks like they’re on strike. Want to go back and wait?”

Klbkch shrugged.

“That appears to be the only sound course of action.”

Relc hesitated. He stared at the inn. He could hear Erin and Ryoka inside, shouting some kind of protest.

“Should we tell them they’re only alive until the real main character shows up?”

Klbkch shook his head.

“I believe that would be unwise.”

The two began walking back towards Liscor, though the snow. Relc started complaining after a few minutes.

“What kind of name is ‘The Wandering Inn’, anyways? The inn doesn’t even move!

Klbkch agreed. He gestured to his new body with one of his arms.

“I object to my death by the Goblins as well. I feel I should at least have died to twice their number. My reputation is at stake.”

“And I got my ass handed to me by Gazi while Erin gets the final blow. Again.”

“To be fair, Rags got the kill for Skinner.”

“Oh, so I get upstaged by a human girl and a Goblin? I feel much better about that.”

The two walked on in a huff as lightning began pouring from the sky and striking The Wandering Inn. After a second, Relc turned to Klbkch.

“…Do you think we get hazard pay?”

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A note from pirateaba

April Fools! Well, I got you all. And since I’m sick, this is the ONLY chapter you’re getting today. Sorry, but sickness comes first. That’s right. Only chapter.

…Click here for the real chapter!


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feha @feha ago

lol, bit late for aprils fools, but at-least we finally got the yuri-chapter.

Timeseer2 @Timeseer2 ago

Please start answering questions and as stated above give the main characters some sort of weapons or give Erin some training so they can have interesting fights instead of lucky shots(I'm sorry it's kind of lazy that the main characters have such heavy plot armour allowing them to make gazi be just distracted enough to save the day, etc)

Synaps @Synaps ago

The wandering inn is a clever pun. I refuse to believe otherwise.

ArcZero @ArcZero ago

Nonononono, that comment about Ryoka and Erin only being alive until the main character comes along had better be an April Fool's joke, if it isn't Imma go on strike as well XD. 

    Kaguren @Kaguren ago

    Start writing up that petition cuz am ready #takeAstand

      ArcZero @ArcZero ago

      We, the upstanding and well-read members of the RoyalRoad community demand that the following characters Erin Solstice and Ryoka Griffins (Did I get those last names right?) be granted full immunity to all bad ends that may or may not occur throughout the course of their journies, the full benefits and perks of having plot-armour, and the right to change this world's view on sexuality!!! If such action is not implemented within the next chapter or two, we shall petition to override any actions that may go against these demands XD.

      Block1788 @Block1788 ago

      Eh honestly? I would prefer if they did die and a more reasonable logical mc appears. You know, like Boxxy T Morningwood without the harem, and Monster thinking process.

      Block1788 @Block1788 ago

      Unlike the mcs of this book Boxxy’s retardation is funny and cute. Idk why it just is. Maybe it’s just because he’s a Little chest mimic.

Kaguren @Kaguren ago

This was hilarious well until the Erin and ryoka dying part but other than that I really had to stifle my laugh cuz I was at work 

 

~Kagu

wayfarer @wayfarer ago

Lol, I was wondering what the heck was going on

ThatOneGuy @ThatOneGuy ago

Thanks for all your hard work!

 

I don't feel that you are fooling anyone, there was never any doubt that the author is female. 

Kanib @Kanib ago

Kiling the main cast is always a good way to lose readers and ratings. And I actually agree with them, it would be better if they got some weapons, skills anything. I still dont know how did the mc manages to kill those monsters, it realy starts to smell like unnecesary plot armor deus ex mahina. Lets try not to depend on more luck and (everyone wants to save the mc just because) and give her a way to survive the progresing plot. You can keep her weak if you want the story focus around the inn. Its cool, like her small world and the big bad stuff happens somevere in the bacground. But if you realy plan to bring out the big guns and make the plot more serious and dangerous, keeping the mc weak, dependent on others and with skills that are the definition of ex mahina (her inmortall moment) is just frustrating. I realy like the story and characteres. Heck I cried for the workers, but if the frustration with the main cast grows anny more you may lose a lot of readers. 

tldr : big kithen knives are also an innkeper weapon, at least give her that.

mrel @mrel ago

I guess the author can not be European or Asian from the April fools release, since it would only be April 1st in America at release time.

Spencentino @Spencentino ago


I love this story! .... but this was my least favourite chapter? Really bitch slapped that 4th wall. Maybe an April fools thing? Dunno but I appreciate the story! Thanks for writing 👍, I missed the joke my bad