Inquisitor: The Hunt

by Venior

Original Action Drama Fantasy Tragedy Anti-Hero Lead Grimdark Magic Male Lead Multiple Lead Characters Secret Identity Strong Lead Supernatural
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

A shroud of darkness hides the night. The sounds of battle echoes throughout. Steel on steel, clashing in the unknown. A clash of death, uncaring and unjust.

A band of mercenaries surround a mysterious figure clad in ragged black robes. Beneath its weathered cowl, two bloodshot eyes pierce the darkness. Finally, they’ve found him. The bastard who they’ve been searching for, for months.

When they accepted his mark, they were offered a wagon-sized pile of gold crowns; enough to make their jaws slam against the floor. They assumed it would be a tricky job, but never, even in their wildest dreams, did they dare imagine they would be hunting such a ruthless monster. A being, who the devil itself would snarl at beneath his breath.

Now, they’ve found him. That was their second mistake. The first being, accepting his mark. A series of mistakes they’d regret for the rest of their insignificant lives.

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(If you've read the story to the latest chapter, then please consider leaving a review and some fun comments.)
[Wanted to play thanks to Danetello for helping me rewrite my synopsis. I really appreciate the help.]

Lastly, wanted to give thanks to some of my biggest inspirations;
Thank you to Brandon Sanderson for showing me how amazingly fun it can be to build my own world. Thank you to John Flanagan for writing the Ranger's Apprentice series, which got me into fantasy fiction as a kid, and thank you to my DnD group who always came over and brought some amazing stories and adventures with them.

This story is work-in-progress, and any chapter until the series end may get revamped. I'll leave an alert in case anything does dramatically change, of course. Thanks for sticking with me throughout.

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I've taken the pledge to complete my story, through thick and thin. 

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Venior

Venior

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Movenpick
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Hi, I chanced across your story while surfing through the forum and I've decided to answer your clarion call for reviews!

To be honest, what got me hooked on your story initially was your story cover page, which looks extremely professional while giving a good general idea on what your story would be like. Thus, armed with a good first impression, I decided to give your story a read.

 I have no qualms with your style and the storyline thus far; it's progressing at a rather acceptable pace with ample room provided for character development, 

Spoiler: Spoiler

 My only issue with your story is grammar. Yes, I understand your frequent use of slang in dialogue is to demonstrate the differences in socioeconomic background between your characters i.e. a noble would speak with more eloquent, proper English unlike your typical country bumpkin who is more likely to speak with a strong country accent and slang. (I don't understand the use of "'ere" in some instances though, but maybe it's just me hahahaha)

However, while there is room for the use of slang to display such differences, there are still some rules of grammar that have to be followed. One recurring mistake I notice in your chapters so far is the lack of capital letters for the first word in your dialogue e.g. “fine, fine. Sorry mister Davist, you heard him.”

Nonetheless, the flow of your story isn't hindered, thus, with a little proofreading I believe that your story is still an enjoyable read! Can't wait to see your future developments! Keep up the good work!