The Voice of the World

by Ashkari

Original ONGOING Adventure Fantasy LitRPG Magic Male Lead Summoned Hero

Jason Elric used to be an ordinary college student living in the heart of San Francisco. He had a part time job, he played online games with friends he got along moderately well with, and he earned reasonably good grades. The worst he really had to worry about in life was turning in his coursework on time and not being late to class.

Now, though? Now fighting for his life and running from a horde of giant frogs that want to make him their next meal is just another Tuesday.

Thanks to a summoning ritual gone terribly right, Jason has found himself trapped in a world eerily similar to the role playing games games he used to play for fun. Unfortunately for the now ex-college student, everything happening around him is terrifyingly real and if he wants to survive, he’ll have to figure out how to exploit the system for his benefit before it’s too late.


The Voice of the World is the first part of what is planned to be a multi-book, Isekai LitRPG story with crafting elements, set in the fantasy world known as Verdania. This is my first time posting online for public consumption, so bear with me as I work to find a style that people like.

While I may occasionally write scenes that may deal with heavy concepts, expect this story to be primarily light hearted high fantasy. There will be a lot of common fantasy tropes involved, as this story got its start as a simple practice exercise, rather than any plan to actually post it. However, it’s grown on me, so I felt it’s worth sharing after all.

Thus, if you’re looking for more serious/original/unusual stories, you might want to look elsewhere. For the rest of you, feel free to leave suggestions, as well as to point out grammar and spelling mistakes; I’ll do my best to make edits to correct them. I do my own editing currently, and it’s easy to miss things when you know what’s supposed to be there, so such call outs are highly encouraged.

Content TLDR: No harems, probably no romance (unless it makes sense for the story later on), definitely no sex (keeping this PG-13 or close to it), limited profanity. Does/Will contain mixes of magic and technology (think Warhammer, Final Fantasy); copious amounts of blue tables; race, gender, and sexual equality concepts; crafting sequences; and (slightly, but not overbearingly) strong protagonists. If you don’t like these things, go elsewhere instead of downvoting people for content instead of writing quality.

Updates Mondays and Thursdays, minimum chapter length ~4000 words. Sometimes longer, sometimes a little shorter if pacing calls for it.

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Author
Ashkari

Ashkari

Novice Ink-Slinger

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RagingHipster
  • Overall Score

This is an early review of this story up to chapter 3.

Characters are well written, grammer is very good, world is being slowly built in a fairly interesting way, the RPG system seems thought out so far. Some of the text appears as dark grey for me for some reason but that is my only issue thus far.

Definitly worth reading assuming the author continues writing

VoidEater
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STYLE: I like the system you used. It's easy to understand and kinda neat in format. Liked how uses 3rd person POV since it's a great tool to really tell a story.

STORY: It's really good just tone down a bit of simply telling and instead show us, give us an image of what is happening. Imagery would maximize the potential of the story.

GRAMMAR: It's OK. No grammar mistakes as far as I have read but that's maybe simply because I wasn't really critical at finding faults.

CHARACTER: This is where it bugged me the most. I can't enjoy the characters. I mean it's nice to read it but I can't feel a connection to the characters. Lumi, the mc, and etc could die for all I care.

 

It was a nice read. Thanks for this story.

 

P.S: I really like the prologue.

Typist kid
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I thought hard about giving this a five-star. But then I tried to think of reasons why I shouldn't give a five-star and found none.

This story is LitRPG and Isekai. For those of you that don't know what that is, it's basically where a school kid gets teleported to a fantasy world. Or, in this case, college kids. LitRPG is basically adding in-game mechanics–and here the sheer vastness of the system pulled me in, but I bet it would've been even better had the specifics been laid out. 

I'd recommend reading until chapter 13. That chapter had more pull to it for me.

The world has bits of darkness and bits of humor. The main characters are a trio of people who've been pulled out of their college lives by a god (On accident). There's only one guy, and two girls, which was disconcerting at the start (Too used to common tropes) but it's done well.  

There are typos here and there, nothing to worry about really. If you're a casual reader, they're harder to spot. 

Style

Written in past tense third person narrative, the style is pretty solid. The pacing is not fast, nor is it excruciatingly slow. That being said, it was just below moderately slow for me(Do take note, I've been told that the pacing of my story is a bit... disorientation).  

Story

The reason I deducted a half star here is while it's pretty solid, I was hoping for more with the evil goddess. The prologue had me thinking that the people taken from their world would be facing a risk to their lives from the goddess, and so I was waiting for that other shoe to drop. That tension fades as I don't get a hint of her presence until the... mini interludes 1 and 2. I recommend pushing that chapter up some and adding hints in the chapter before to really add that tension. The people showed dead or captured was a nice move and so was the 'Dungeon Master' guy. That part had me grinning if a bit disturbed.

Grammar score

The half star deducted here was mainly because of the errant mistakes I found. Other than that, no problem. Just brush it over.

Character score

The characters feel real here, though adding a few out-of-the-norm tidbits might help further enhance that. I don't connect to the characters, however, that might just be me. However, a lack of connection might mean something missing, or some problem, but again, it might just be me. 

Overall

You have a fairly solid read here. Lots of potential lies within the system you have, and extrapolating on that (Just my opinion) might be just what you need to make it to the top. I can totally see my younger self (Before I started writing) digging this story. Current me doesn't read much. One of the stories I'll visit when I feel like reading again.

Hope this is helpful!

jefferypendragon
  • Overall Score

Your MCs tend to be stupidly naive and talk about their most dangerous secrets openly where it seems it would be a miracle no one overhears.  Kara I find highly annoying, and Jason to put it mildly is a goodie goodie.  You sometimes are overly wordy.  Other then that your story is pretty decent, and your writing is above average to good.

 

Wise old penguin
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Style: Very bland, but I appreciate the effort in the "System messages"

Grammar: The beginning of the story has a few Jarring mistakes.

Story: Now this part really grinds my gears. The universe is extremely inconsistent, considering every f**king pleb has access to the skill list. This puts every farmer into a position where they can become Alchemists or druids. Also, I'm writing this part of the review after reading chapter 8 and I can already tell that there's gonna be some "opression" in the human country. Which should be nigh impossible, considering basic human nature (backyard nuke theory). Unless you employ an EXTREMLY complicated system of knowledge supression.

Actual story is just the same old good vs evil BS, but whatever, millenials don't like complexity. 

Plants from earth, while not entirely implausible, is still a shitty shortcut to give the MC a certain class.

Incredible ignorance in regards to human nature and group dynamics.

Basically, everything about the worldbuilding is shit (cultures, geography, system, you name it). If I had to rate it seperatly I'd give it half a star.

Now for the worst part, characters:

The MC's group is so incredibly jarring that it rips me out of my immersion, every, single time, there's an interaction between two characters.

Example: "Let me just laugh loudly in an unknown forest on an unknown world with unknown f**king laws of nature."

"Let me just ignore an impact on my mental health like I'm a fucking sociopath (the "thinks it's a game" doesn't fucking fly in this story). Seeing your first corpse has waaaay more of an impact, it can reshape your entire personality and make you question your own mortality, but the MC doesn't give a shit.

The characters don't act like they're stuck in another world, they act like they're sitting around a table in their local starbucks. Incredibly jarring.

The MC is a Mary Sue and should have a [Luck] stat higher than Mount Doom, just to justify the beginning of the story.

Generic girl #1 decided to imitate spells, just hours after getting pulled through a glitch in reality. Which means that she should've gotten the f**king [Oracle] class.

Generic girl #2 got poisoned by eating f**king berries (ay, that's the Darwin award right under eating unkown mushrooms). She brings nothing to the character interactions and is basically "Gee MC two girls" material.

All known characters are mentally challenged, including the big baddy and the "system". 

I've given half a star more in nearly all categories, because I can't bring myself to read past chapter 8 of this flaming pile of wish-fullfillment and not adding a Harem tag is just the author being in denial. The characters are so shit that they can't really get any better later on, so I didn't add half a star there.

The story is a transcript of a session of DND where the GM is terrible, the two girls are clueless and the MC a self-insertion. I'm being incredibly lenient with the score, but this is so bad, that I have no idea how anyone can read this garbage.

The target audience of the Author may be ~7~12 years old, but I wouldn't want my kids anywhere near this flaming pile of donkey dung. 

Alchemyst
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This is only as of chapter 7 but so far it seems like this is a really great book. The writing flows really well and the characters draw you in. It's definitely worth a read so why don't you try it.

Quartz Ring
  • Overall Score

I love it so far keep updating!

Like my review title states I ran into this by searching deep into the best rated list! A gem among the rough if i do say so. Minor grammar mistakes, but not often enough to be detrimental.

Mu'er
  • Overall Score

This is excellent. As of chapter 15, there has been decent character introduction, plot set-up, and world building. Maybe the characters are a little unbalanced, however I would assume that in the more advanced portions of the world there would be similar (if not quite as overpowering) classes

SlimeAction
  • Overall Score

I'm reading until chapter 11 at the moment and I just feel reading 20-30 chapters worth. This is a story of heroes summoning goes way, way to much right. Which is a trouble. Just not a troble for our bunch of heroes right now. The System or The Voice of The World could be count as god in my opinion, with how active and vast/vague it is. Worth a religion. Which with real god might not see eye to eye, since THEY also in a System.

 

I can't say anything about style or grammar for anyone who cares about that since I seems to autofilter that when reading. But this story makes me stay. And I'll be back for more. That's all.

Tacroy
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Everything you'd want in a LitRPG

This story has pretty much everything you'd want in a LitRPG (aside from a cover).

The characters are interesting and well-motivated, the system is deep enough to do interesting things but rigorous enough that it doesn't seem like victories are pulled out of someone's ass, and the stakes actually make sense.

The setting is clearly inspired by D&D, which may be intentional given some of the background hints. That being said, it's a little weird seeing some oddly specific D&D terms like "handy haversack" and "tanglefoot bags" tossed around in a completely different system. It's not a dealbreaker, just odd.

Aside from that one minor nit-pick, this is definitely one of the better stories around. Get yourself a cover, man!