Original ONGOING Action Adventure Drama Fantasy Anti-Hero Lead Male Lead Martial Arts Slice of Life Supernatural Wuxia
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

For 1,000 years Earth has been cut off from the higher energies of the universes. We thought we knew how the world works. We believed that magic was superstition, that ancient legends were naught but the wild imaginings of more primitive, less educated minds.

We. Were. Wrong.

A messenger appears; our 1,000 year punishment for the crimes of our ancestors has passed. Once again we will have access to the energies of the ancient Elements, to the higher energy made of the combined Elements.

How will our world survive? Can we save ourselves?


I'm doing my best right now to post daily. 

So far I haven't been able to build a bank of chapters, so there are times when things come up and I might miss a day or two.

Releases will be at 1800 EST (UTC -5.00).

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blackflame17

blackflame17

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Prologue - Comes the Messenger ago
Aftershocks - prologue duex ago
Chapter 1 - Meet M.C. ago
Chapter 2 - Making the Grade...? ago
Chapter 3 - For Whom the Bell Tolls ago
Chapter 4 - Seeking Defiance ago
Chapter 5 - Riding the Edge ago
Chapter 6 - Mistakes Were Made ago
Chapter 7 - Lessons Learned ago
Chapter 8 - Mulligan ago
Chapter 9 - Sink or Swim ago
Chapter 10 - Happenings ago
Chapter 11 - Discoveries ago
Chapter 12 - Lost Time ago
Chapter 13 - Best Left Unsaid ago
Chapter 14 - Unanswers ago
Chapter 15 - Progress ago
Chapter 16 - Breaking News ago
Chapter 17 - Dilemma ago
Chapter 18 - Decision ago
Chapter 19 - Unintended Consequences ago
Chapter 20 - Revelation ago
Chapter 21 - Precipice ago
Chapter 22 - L00+ ago
Chapter 23 - Best of the Worst ago
Chapter 24 - Inspiration ago
Chapter 25 - Discoveries ago
Chapter 26 - Repercussions ago
Chapter 27 - Of Fire ago
Chapter 28 - Counterpoint ago
Chapter 29 - Engineered Serendipity ago
Chapter 30 - Surprises ago
Chapter 31 - Destination ago
Chapter 32 - Opa! ago
Chapter 33 - Potential ago
Chapter 34 - Dancing Lessons ago
Chapter 35 - Fresh Eyes ago
Reviews

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Chayim
  • Overall Score

I’m torn.

On one hand I don’t want to shit on a passion project. As someone who also read constantly as a child and aspires to be an author I really admire the courage it takes to put yourself out there. However, on the other hand you asked for honesty and criticism.

So what do we have here?

Some cool ideas that aren’t well executed.

An MC I don’t find interesting or even relatable.

Mix it all up with some grammar issues and what do you get?

A fledgling authors first work.

Beyond the basic advice of show don’t tell and be more descriptive I’ve got some specifics I think would help.

For characters thoughts either italicize them or put them in quotes and treat them like regular dialogue.

Try to keep your tenses consistent. Constantly switching from the present to the past perfect muddies your writing.

”Be” verbs like am/is/was kill flow 9/10 times.

If a sentence isn’t adding anything to the story drop it.

Use stronger verbs. For example.

”It is moving slowly but seems to be heading towards him in an indirect but ominous way.”

Make it more concrete!

Did they grasp at him like the hand of Death decided to come early? Did they slither over the stained carpet making no sound at all?

I hope you continue to write, improve, and have fun. Good luck.

xenofixus
  • Overall Score

The first few chapters can be a bit off putting but the story quickly picks up its stride. I am really enjoying where it is going. It is hard to nail down the genre exactly but it looks like it will be heading in a xuanhua or xianxia direction.

Still, it is a slow boil. This is definitely not a "strong lead" novel.

Overall this would be a 5/5 (at least as much as is written so far) if the author rewrote the earlier chapters to match the quality and tone of the newer ones.

Bandicoot
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Normally, the MC is transmigrated into some strange world, or the other realm invades à la Mortal Kombat.  This was a nice variation on that.

The MC is believable, and acts like you might expect some one given a few months to live; desperate and willing to take chances.  The survival mindset is relatable.

What I don't get is why more poor people from the other realms immigrate to the litter plane?  Better to rule in heaven than serve in a hellish place that sound like it is very chaotic and despotic.  What is keeping the others away??

The plot is slowly shaping up, but it isn't really well defined until late into the 20+ chapters, before that you just get a sense of the society's reactions.

bluebug
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As of 5.5.2018, chap 29

This story has quality. The first couple of chapters are NOT cringeworthy as some of the other commentators like to claim (Probably because the author edited it as of now), instead, it has quite a lot of compelling qualities and even outstanding ones. I would suggest you give it a read.

Story: It is an original story with great worldbuilding and a coherent inner structure. The plot doesn't feel forced and there are no cramped infodumps to wade you through. What really stands out is the author's ability to keep our knowledge to a limited level - not too much that we have no interest in the world, but not too few that we are not apathic about the world. It is a right mix of those two, and so we WANT to learn more about the world and even are frustated that we don't know the necessary details yet.

Character: The focus of the author is on the character relationship and the inner monologue of the MC. They are conveyed in an outstanding way: You always have a grasp on what their relationship is like and can even imagine how they react to each other. The odd shift in character perspective only strengthens that. The inner dialogue of the MC are expressed in a mix of narrator voice and monologue, whatever seems more apt. I quite like that the character developement of the MC is not linear, but feel like this here could be improved. Sometimes the change is too fast, and sometimes I feel like I don't really quite get why he is acting that way. The side characters are more consistent, which does fit with their backstory. It'd be interesting to see how the author deals with someone who wasn't stuck on earth for a millenia, so more prone to changing their beliefs.

Grammar: No grammar mistakes found. Writing style goes into style.

Style: First of all, writing style. The writing style is excellent in conveying the tone and voice. The author doesn't shy away from using metaphors to convey an idea. Sometimes it DOES feel a little bit off, but this is neglible in contrast to all the other good things the author did. For example his usage of humor. It's used to pull the reader in and lighten things up when it gets too tense for the author's mind. Even if you don't laugh at it, the tone still remains.

The pacing of the story is good. To me, no event felt rushed or forced, and to be honest, this is a combination of character and story, but each action happens at the right time and each mishap happens as sudden to us as it does to the MC without feeling like the author is pulling strings.

Otherwise his word choices and usage of word placement (AKA rethoric devices) really make me feel with the story. It's one I would recommend to anyone looking for quality on the internet.

Aspartame
  • Overall Score

I really liked the experimental stuff. That was awesome. The MC not using that to his advantage, and the absolute minimum character cast. That cripples the story. He's his own comic relief. The primary foil is one dimensional and lives conveniently close. I stopped at 30 with his new best friend. It's falling apart, and it hasn't even taken off yet.

kao
  • Overall Score

A Warning To New Readers

First I liked the style and story idea. So I gave it a 5 star. 

HOWEVER...I really don't like the MC. Good job author-sama, you made a MC that I could hate. 

God how I hate this MC. 

Minimal spoiler....by chapter 19....

The MC makes a decision later that I decided was a very human thing to do. Yet I really hated the MC for.

The decision the MC makes is based upon the following idea:

If you had the cure to terminal cancer, something that could potentially save millions. But the downside is that normal healthy people who take it, will also gain super healing ability like Wolverine. While those who had cancer will get their disease cured, but not get super healing. So basically you save a bunch of lives, but the rest get a really good super power. OR instead of sharing the cure, you just give it to yourself and give yourself super healing and don't share with anyone. 

Guess what our MC does? 

So I'll hold off reading the rest of the chapters until this book gets far enough that it goes into HIATUS status. I figure by that point, I'll get to see the full ramifications of our characters decision. Whether it will make him a better person or a worse person. Or whether the rest of the world became a better place or worse place if he had only saved as many as he could have when he had a chance to.

 

RainbowCookie
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nothing special with the story so far not bad but not that great either nothing really interesting happens the story is kind of early on so this might get better. and the author had some kind of vote on the swearing i myself can find a bit of swearing fun and good in humorous situation but it's like the author is 10 and just discover swearing with no one to tell him to stop so he uses it as much as he can so it get's way over top.

Kulabaluka
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This fiction is cringeworthy and a bit unreadable until the author cleans up a bit about a third into the story and it becomes much more entertaining because you can now actually pay attention to the story instead of slogging through the writing. The grammar and spelling is all good and the story is fun to an extent and I would advise the read even if you find the same as I did that the first few chapters are nearly unreadable.

WitchCraft
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This...is.....AWESOME

This is awesome. Needless to say, the review will conatin minor amounts of spoilers below.

 

Spoiler: Spoiler

 

iiLoki
  • Overall Score

read till chapter 29 but still no development on the MC..