The Dungeon Hive

by Ghostman

Original Action Adventure Comedy Fantasy

One thing I noticed about most dungeon stories is that most races mistakenly believe that dungeons have a hive-mind and I go, “That make sense.” Considering the various powers and how big dungeons can get, wouldn’t it make more sense for them to have a hive-mind? So this is it; my take of the world’s first dungeon and the hive that controls it. Watch as it stumbles, fall, survive, strive and…procreate? Watch as it changed the world of Ioplon…for better and for worse.

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Ghostman

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Prologue- The Mistake ago
Part 1- The Hive ago
Part 2- The Bear ago
Part 3- The Confusion ago
Part 4- The Wolves ago
Part 5- The Skills ago
Part 6- The Tunnels ago
Part 7- The "You-Who-Are-Not-Bear" ago
Part 8- The Fight ago
Part 9- The Idiots ago
Part 10- The Smoke ago
Part 11- The Feeding ago
Part 12- The Newcomer ago
Part 13- The Hybrids ago
Part 14- The Blasphemy ago
Part 15- The Defeat ago
Part 16- The “Rescue” ago
Part 17- The Creator ago
End of Book 1- Q & A (Please feel free to leave any questions or comments you want) ago
Part 18- The Wolfgirl ago
Part 19- The Bat ago
Part 20- The Bottles ago
Part 21- The Argument ago
Part 22- The Yucky ago
Part 23- The Speaker ago
Part 24- The Fundamentals ago
Part 25- The Monsters ago
Part 26- The Effects ago
Part 27- The Feast ago
Part 28- The Boredom ago
Part 29- The Clan ago
Part 30- The Classes ago
Part 31- The Rats ago
Part 32- The Name ago
Part 33- The Return ago
Part 34- The BOOM! ago
Part 35- The Attack ago
Part 36- The Wings ago
Update- Past & Near Future ago
Part 37- The Walk ago
Part 38- The Forest ago
Part 39- The Heraldry ago
Part 40- The Dogs ago
Part 41- The Solution ago
Part 42- The Shaking ago
Part 43- The Grand ago
Part 44- The Wipe ago
Part 45- The Wait ago
Part 46- The Traps ago
Part 47- The Geniuses ago
Part 48- The Betrayal ago
Part 49- The Reveal ago
Part 50- The Dragon ago
Finale- The Porkasus ago
Epilogue- The Farewell ago
The Dungeon Hive- Volume 2 ago
Fantasy Begins- Book Cover ago
ICKY CAPITALISM...AKA Amazon! ago
Reviews

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FictionWriter
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A hidden gem with very good ideas!

I looked at this because i was interested in the title and wondered if you could pull it off. I was surprised to read that you pulled off the hive mind aspect quite well. Overall I enjoyed the story a lot and I am looking forward to more chapters!

 

Style:  I don't really know what I'm talking about in this area but I can at least say that the only awkward sentences that I've noticed are primarily due to grammar issues.

 

Story: I love the direction you are taking this and can't wait to see what's next.

 

Grammar: While there is the occasional mistake there is nothing too glaring and while it could be improved I see no problem with the current quality.

 

Character: This (In my opinion) is the biggest problem with the story. There are no characters besides the hive mind! This could be remedied by using some alternate POV's in the future but my personal recommendation is to flesh out the hive mind more. What I mean by this is to make certain aspects of the hive mind more prominent.

By introducing certain spirits and giving them names (which I have already seen you do with You-Who-Are-Not-A-Bear) the problem with that example is I don't get a feeling that you will reintroduce that character and you haven't done it more. You could then have them play a more prominent part in the hive mind's activities in the story.

Another possibility is to give certain types of spirits a different personality for example death spirits could be obsessed with killing while life spirits abhor the concept.

Of course if you choose to go down this route then you will have to start adding dialogue tags (a dialogue tag identifies the speaker).

JiggyliFAP
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This Story Deserves More Support and Readers

I am very bad with reviews but I'll try my best and first time writing one in RRL:wink

Style: I dunno what this means so... but I'll rate it 5 anyway.embarassed

Story: For the story, being a dungeon setting and having an archaic civilization as a world setting there would be much more room for improvements and the development of the plot so I have high expectations on that regard.

Grammar: So far I have not found any major or could remember any mistakes.

Character: They are what you'd expect from something of a council type of body governing over it's creatures with no apparent leaders within the Hive Mind so it provides more room for arguement and more time to weigh the pros and cons so it allows more flexibility on character development

Cool3303
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Everything the Author promises.

Unlike most Novels about Dungeons this Story is not about a Individual but instead about a newly created hivemind of spirits wich love to argue and haphazardly create creatures.

Aside from the rather unique spin on the concept the story convinves with good pacing, entertaining Dialogue between the spirits and a fair bit of humor.

The Writing is also thoroughly enjoayble. While starting off (intentionally) primitive the Hive soon begins to use more complex sentences and gains some understanding of more complex concepts.

The only critique I have would be the lack of notable characters.The sidecharacters have their fair share of personality but there is little opportunity to explore it.

The hive also has a ton of quirky spirits but we never get to know them beyond that.

However too much of that might just overburden the story and I enjoy it as a lighthearted story.

Eath
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Fantastic dungeon story

Loving this story so far, I really like the world you seem to be setting up, and that your dungeon seems to be in the early fantasy era.

bob16
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An interesting start with many possibilities 

nothing to make me dislike the story 

it's a decent story (I don't pay attention to details)

 

I'm at part 7

skyfire
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A Sustainable dungeon story done right

one of the best paced dungeon novels I have read Things are strong but not overpowered and  are not growing in power at a reasonable rate

Peppacow
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I laughed my ass off reading this

This is realy good yell

eac1
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I accidentally found this when I was looking at a author I liked website and I was pleasantly suprised when I found this. The hive mind is funny and even though it sometimes says at the start which confused me but if you get over that its amazing. In some ways the hive mind progressing is like a child growing up learning new things and making things with their newfound abilities. You should absouletley read this.

Evrin
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Interesting story, could use some work.

Alright, so this is my second time trying this story out and admittedly I got farther this time, but I still ended up stopping before reaching the end.

(SPOILERS AHEAD, YE BE WARNED)

The premise of the story is interesting. It starts off on showing how the first dungeon was born, as well as the learning curve it goes through as it improves step by step. 

Honestly, I like this part of the story much more than the instant, "Buy this advancement through the dungeon point system" game system that many other dungeon stories use. There are still game elements involved, as shown by the adventurer status screen depicting the individual strength, mana etc. in numeric terms, however it doesn't seem as all encompassing as in many other stories (at least to the point I reached before stopping).

The interesting premise is sadly overshadowed by the confusing multiple-personality hive dialogue and grammar/spelling errors.

I realize the different voices given by the author are an attempt to depict the disharmony and inner conflict with this hive mentality. I do wish however that this problem were resolved earlier, as I think it was supposed to be funnier than I actually found it. They also seem drawn-out, a single conversation encompassing half of an entire chapter simply because there are so many voices. 

(SPOILERS ENDED, BUT SO IS MOST OF THE REVIEW)

The largest bit that finally made me stop reading however was the grammar and spelling. 

I'm not a grammar Nazi, honestly I'm not. I'm sure I've made multiple mistakes in this review alone. 

The story however, is slightly painful to read. 

Don't get me wrong, it's not Pasted-Straight-From-Google-Translate bad, but there are multiple issues.

For example, there are many cases where the wrong word is used in a sentence. The word is usually spelled similarly to the intended word, but the mistakes tended to jolt me as a reader as I had to figure out what was supposed to be written instead of what was written. 

Tenses also seem to jump around a bit in several sentences, which I also found confusing.

By chapter 14, I was tired of trying to enjoy the story for what it was.

To the author, 

Thank you very much for the time and effort you put into writing and posting your story for others to read. That alone makes you awesome. 

While I didn't get far enough into your story to really give the story itself a fair try, (I always attempt to make it to the halfway point before making judgements on the story itself) I think that from the number of people who read this that you've done a great job in making entertaining content.

If you can, I'd recommend an editor for your chapters. Editors are great for catching those small slips that keep the reading experience from flowing smoothly.

They also help in catching those mistakes which are often missed by spell-check, which is a common reason for misplaced words in stories.

Once again, thanks for writing.

Keep up the good work!

Apricity
  • Overall Score

I love this book so far, it has a unique premise for a dungeon fic that makes it impossible to put down.

Reasonable rate of growth and a decent style which is compromised in places by bad grammar and spelling