How To Tame Your Princess

by DocteurNS

Original Comedy Psychological Romance Gender Bender Secret Identity Slice of Life Virtual Reality
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

My name is Nicolas

Nicolas "Nick" Siegel.

People say I’m weird.

I don’t know why, and the voice in my head won’t tell me.

Oh well, never mind…

You want a cookie? I baked them myself. With love~💕

...You're ridiculous.

Oh, shush.

Author's note:

This is a story about an atypical player in a typical VR fantasy game, (re)written by an author—that's me—who still sucks at delivering synopsises.

Follow the adventures of Nicolas "Nick" Siegel, alias Elric Walker, alias the Wandering Knight, alias the Reckless Imbecile, alias...Victoria—Wait, what? Okay...err...Follow Nick Siegel, a afflicted with mild sociopathy and a worsening case of split personality, as he tries to make sense of the world around him and travels the virtual reality of Untold Tales, battling against undead butterflies, strange curses, and himself, and maybe find love. 

I swear this is a romance!

Also, the [Mature] tag might just be an [Immature] tag.

(Previously: “Tales of the Blood Princess”)

Real reader's comment:

"World War Chicken has been fought. The area is destroyed, blood has been spilled, and the wrecks of the machines of war lay scattered. Mothers have cried, children have been traumatized, and only holy fire can burn away the foul creations spawned in its wake. 

Oh, and a grown man made a complete fool of himself."

 – by Dosahder, at chapter B0-C07.1

Picked review:

"Saying it starts slow is kind of inaccurate. It's more like a long rope attached to a speeding car. Eventually the slack in the line runs out and you're hooked."

 – by ErgoPhobia, on the 13th Dec. 2017

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
B0-PRO.1 – The Mild Hunt ago
B0-PRO.2 – Lock-Less Monster ago
B0-PRO.3 – I am Legend ago
B0-C01.1 – Beating Dead Horses ago
B0-C01.2 – And They Call Him… ago
B0-C01.3 – Leviticus 11:12 ago
B0-C01.4 – Critterion of Unlife ago
B0-C01.5 – I Am Evil! Stop Laughing! ago
B0-SS:NR – Plot and Plotting ago
B0-C02.1 – Um... What a Twist? ago
B0-C02.2 – Peaceful Aftermath Camping ago
B0-C02.3 – Prom’nons nous dans les bois… ago
B0-C02.4 – STATUS QUID ago
B0-SS:WW – Council Meeting ago
B0-C03.1 – Boredom is a Bridge to Introspection ago
B0-C03.2 – Runes You Fools! ago
B0-C03.3 – Follow the Yellow Brick Road... ago
B0-SS:NO – Back From The Dead ago
B0-C04.1 – A Warm Welcome ago
B0-C04.2 – You Have No Power Here ago
B0-C04.3 – Meeting the Wizard? ago
B0-C04.4 – Is this the point when you ask me to wear green eyeglasses? ago
B0-C04.5 – Witch of the North ago
B0-SS:WW – Troubles Start With Tea ago
B0-C05.1 – A Cat is NOT Fine! ago
B0-C05.2 – Mens Sana(?) In Corpore Sano Et Spatula Gloriosa ago
B0-C05.3 – Third Time’s the Charm ago
B0-C05.4 – Signs ago
B0-SS:NO – Recruitment Issues ago
B0-C06.1 – And God Said “Let There Be Plot!” ago
B0-C06.2 – Takes One to Know One ago
B0-C06.3 – Getting Into It ago
B0-C06.4 – Serendipity is a Beautiful Word (Seriously, look it up.) ago
B0-SS:NO – Evil in a Nutshell ago
B0-C07.1 – The Plot Chickens ago
B0-C07.2 – Painful Memories ago
B0-C07.3 – Apple-Picking and its Consequences ago
B0-C07.4 – Obnoxious, Obnoxiouser, and Obnoxiousest ago
B0-C07.5 – Pay No Attention to That Man Behind the Curtain ago
B0-SS:NO – Dark Asparagus Rises ago
B0-C08.1 – Goodbyes Are Poison ago
B0-C08.2 – On the Road Again…Eventually ago
B0-C08.3 – Nowhere Over the Rainbow ago
B0-C08.4 – Hang Gliders…Who Knew, Right? ago
B0-SS:OT – Castle Guard ago
B0-C09.1 – Greenies? ago
B0-C09.2 – Ugh…Zombies. ago
B0-C09.3 – (This story is heading in a strange direction) ago
B0-C09.4 – Cookies! ago
B0-C09.5 – Pony! …Wait, that’s not a pony!? ago
B0-C09.6 – It’s a birdy?! ago
B0-C09.7 – Sleeping Beardy (End of Book 0) ago
B1-PRO – Blood Princess Begins ago
B1-CH01 – The Woman in the High Castle ago
B1-CH02 – On the Fifth Floor ago
B1-CH03 – My Friend the Riajuu ago
B1-CH04 – Close Encounter of the Nerd Kind ago
B1-CH05 – Of Curses and Gods ago
B1-CH06 – Anonymous Infamy ago
B1-CH07 – Dear Diary ago
B1-CH08 – [Narrator] A Good Betrayal Always Opens New Opportunities for Both Parties ago
B1-CH09 – Another One Bites the Dust ago
B1-CH10 – My Hero~ ago
B1-CH11 – First Impressions Are Very Important ago
B1-CH12 – Getting Acquainted ago
B1-CH13 – [Athena] Something Ain’t Right ago
B1-CH14 – Dungeon Break In the Breaking Dungeon ago
B1-CH15 – Out of Nowhere ago
B1-CH16 – There’s No Place like Home ago
B1-CH17 – Nerdy, Phone… ago
B1-CH18 – [Narrator] Return of the Prodigal Squirrel ago
B1-CH19 – ...Home ago
B1-CH20 – Alien vs. Predator: Ratatouille ago
B1-CH21 – [Narrator] Bad Guys Doing Bad Guys Things ago
B1-CH22 – [Athena] Back on the Crazy Train ago
B1-CH23 – Tu quoque mi hirci?! ago
B1-CH24 – It’s like cooking! ago
B1-CH25 – Dara, people DIE of swine flu! ago
B1-CH26 – Not Quite What I Expected ago
B1-CH27 – I’m a Beautiful Butterfly! ago
B1-CH28 – Have a Good Death… ago
B1-CH29 – [Multiple] In the Dark ago
SS-M01 – [Mary] The World Wasn’t Ready ago
SS-M02 – [Mary] Down the Rabbit Hole ago
SS-M03 – [Mary] Body Shop ago
SS-M04 – [Mary] “And the whore became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we were all fucked.” ago
B1-CH30 – Taken ago
B1-CH31 – Meeting Hell ago
B1-CH32 – Area 51 ago
B1-CH33 – Out of the Dark… (and into the slightly less dark.) ago
Xmas Eve Bonus! "Interlude - Plants vs. Zombies" ago
B1-CH34 – Back to… Civilisation? ago
B1-CH35 – [Cutscene] Majin: The Scattering ago
More chapters now!? ago

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Reviewed at: B0-C04.2

The return of Nicholas/Elric/*spoiler* is something I have been waiting for! While this story may confuse and frustrate some with its chaotic nature, I personally find it both enjoyable and refreshing.



As mentioned, the style of this story is chaotic and can be interesting to follow at times. However, in order to fully display the nature of the MC it is needed, with jumps of logic and random tangents throughout. While it is chaotic and crazy, the author manages to keep the *feel* of the story consistent, which does allow for a slight sense of normality when reading. Regardless of this, the descriptions of the characters and world (though odd) are vibrant and full. Something that I noticed is a significant improvement from the authors previous work. You get a real feel for characters especially as they are visually well constructed within the story.



At the time of this review the story is only just really starting and some of the tages *cough* Gender Bender *cough* are yet to come into play. Almost all of the current chapters has been primarily character and world building in order to demonstrate the level of chaotic insanity that the MC possesses. Because of this, many may find the story to be slow (the author has also realised this), but it is necessary to ensure the MC's motives can be explained without them appearing (completely) random. Regardless, now that the plot(ish) part has begun, you can expect more in this regard.


The side stories so far have provided titbits and glimpses into the wider world (both in-game and RL) but are yet to link with the main story.


Grammar (and spelling)

The grammar and spelling within the chapters is very good. There is the odd error here and there which is usually picked up in the comments and corrected quite quickly by the author. Occasionally there is an odd use of a word or turn of phrase but they do not detract from the story.



The MC (and only character with any decent screen time) is crazy, literally crazy. He has a very different take on the world then your average Joe. So far almost all the conversations held so far have been between him and the voice in his head. However, his schizophrenic alter-ego is separate enough as to feel as if they are different characters, yet they are as crazy as each other. This could be polarising for people but I personally love the interactions between Nick and the voice in his head.


So far we are yet to meet the rumoured love interest (the author did say it was a romance) and the only other characters seen have been in the RL based prologue and the side stories and so have had very limited (if any) interactions with the MC. Regardless of their short screen time, these characters felt as real as the MC and did not feel shallow or forced.



I love this story in all its chaotic glory. The author has produced something polished, vibrant and different and (having read the previous work this is a re-vamp of) I am very excited to follow as this continues to grow.


P.S. I love the inclusion of the accompanying music to each chapter. You should also bring back your reading recommendations that often were supplied with TotBP chapters.

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Ages ago - at least if you measure time like the Wandering Knight does - a story was born. It was created just like this world was, by being birthed out of Chaos. Or almost. For in that pure note of Harmony, there was still a beautiful flavor of Chaos - almost like a sliver of creation itself. It gave that story a touch of genius, allowing it to put on many a different masks, to speak in a miriad different voices. Some of these - like the Voice of Exalted Insanity - attained divinity in their own rights.


But sadly, that story came to an end, much sooner than it was originally meant to. The Voices fell silent, only their echoes still around in these digital caverns of reality. But a rebirth was prophecized. And so the people have waited, so that the Author can once again submerge himself into the Primal Waters of Chaos and bring forth a new gem of a story for us mere mortals to read.


And it finally happened. It is here, the Essence of Chaos even purer, than in the original...


May this story walk the full road its creator intended for it. And may the Followers of the Omniscient Crazy Kaleidoscope bear witness to it.

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Just as I remember it

good old craziness has returned for another showing.


oh how I wish we could sooner reach the fun that was the after genderbending madness xD

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Thank you for bringing it back!

I am very glad that a story such as this one is continued. I am even happier since it's now in my opinion even crazier. I love the MC of this story. He has some so to say 'interesting' thoughts. His brain has some even more entertaining thoughts and his arguments with himself are in a way legendary. If you have never read this fiction before then imagine a fiction where everything is from the POV of the MC and that MC just so happens to be deadpool... 

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Ok..... So I Think That What I Read Was Good?

This story..... I like it? There were no grammar/spelling errors that I saw. 

The characters are good? I think?

Might be losing my sanity by reading this book.

Great review, brain.


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Well I don't really like virtual reality stories so this might be a bit biased, but i admit that this one is well-written, the characters are funny, the humor is mostly good.

Although there's not much plot per se, the slice of life and virtual reality is still interesting to read, there's a general lack of direction or objective, but really, this had like six chapters, it could change in the future

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Well, as everyone is saying in their reviews, this series is a vortex of madness. Lovely entertaining and marvelous madness. The kind it makes you laugh openly as your brother next door curses your name. With characters who have hobbies, tastes, histories and problems. They say it progresses slowly. So what? Each minute with Eric and friends is bliss, so the first thing i desire is to last long. That and that the succubus ends up solving her mother issues.

Comedy, action, complex characters and complex problems, with a bit of romance sprinkled to top it off. Is there anything else you want? Watermelons? Dragons? Explosions? Got it. Hell, it made me nearly cry, for fucks sake!

Now, thanks to the fact that we are finally in book 1, you can skip book 0 (the prologue), and jump into the action. The main issue some heretics had with B0 is that Eric talked with few other people(besides himself). In B1, while the humor the voice in his head is still present (which i love), there are many more interactions, which should help with the issue. Once you finish book 1, you will be ready to sell your soul for more chapters.


In order to make you start reading and not close this tab i will give you a small quote, not one of the best, but certainly great.  (Dont tell the author, he´s gonna kill me)

Spoiler: Spoiler




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Epic tale of RANDOM CHAOS and Watermellons

Sooo... I managed to read all those chapters in 2 days ... and now I'm bored again ... BUTT *hehehe* I had the most fun in ages reading this. It is absolutely amazing I can't stop giggling in the middle of my day while thinking about Nick aka Eric aka Reckl..., Oh wait not that one ... Dont tell Nick pls ? *puppy eyes*  anyway back to the topic. I like this more than the NGNL LN (those who know me (no one knows me hehehe) would spit out ther coke on that remark) and thats hella lot like reallllllllllllly allllloooootttt in case you dont get it on a scale from 1 - 10 its Watermellon why watermellon ? Cuz banana *nod*


Ok ok focus morisa focus...


The MC is absolitly awe... Ahm ... Random ? Unfocused ? Split ? Anyway its Nick Siegel and Nick Siegel is an amazingly amazing bundel of Chaos and he is named Nicolas not Nick but I tend to forget that *tehepero*. If you want to know what i mean read it I cant decribe ... Ah and dont Listen to Autor-San READ VOL 0 ! Thats what I did and it made me laugh so hard i started to roll on the floor in the train ... awkward.... but nontheless funny.


To other Chaars... U know what i won't tell you *smirk* its amazing that's all you need to know


Sooo about the plot ... Plot plot plot ... Plotplotplot? Ahhhm Random! (can you see this epic excamation mark? Thats how random it is ) but i reallllly like it, I reallllly do. Its the 2nd time I read someting I cant predict. (hint the other one is my now 2nd most favorite pice of amusement)


I can't really talk about grammar (who would have guessed by that messy text here ?) cuz English is NOT my native language ... I'm German (btw I love the random German sentences in the middle of the text) and i still cant say i absolutly know German gramma and evryone that does know 100% abut German gramma is telling lies. (or do they ? Dont know just cant imagine cuz gramma makes my hed spinn)


I think thats all for now ? Not that i think about what im writing ... I just do ...

Sooo you still here huh ?

Ok then let me summ evrything up (i can do this if I focus... Sometimes ):


Style: absurd randomness but thats needed with this amazing MC and i like it


Story: amazingly random but ther is some red yarn that points the way .. Ok somtimes it changes colors... And worlds... But i can follow can you too ? I challlange you >:D jokes aside i think it is absolutly brilliant how autor-san designed this story


Grammar: i can read everything easily (only german and english text the rest i need to look up or ignor it) but again I am not one that can judge grammar skills ther are 1 or 2 typos but thats all


Chaaracter: Really detailed and ORIGINAL. It is amazing how autor-san managed to make me laugh giggel and cry with this pice of art i really cant find the right words in english ... So here it is in German >:D “Ich konnte mich wirklich in die figuren hineinversetzen oder zumindest sympathie empfinden wer kann sich schon in nick hineinversetzen xD.” Ok, back to english what i sayed in german was something like I can really empathize with the chaars.

So thats it cya :*

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Are you a borderline sociopath?

Then this story is for you!! Randomness! Insanity! Love! A Mostly Followed Schedule!


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Awesome, in the true sense of the word. Stunned disbelief that something so glorious could possibly exist. This is pretty much the best comedy I've found on the website, and the only one to make me actually giggle out loud instead of just sitting there blankly. 

The grammar could use some work, but the plot is fairly consistent (somehow) and the characters have depth to them. I like that you've done Mary as a sidestory btw, since she has great potential as a character. Very interesting story, and the squirrel chapters are hilarious as an aside.