I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#1
I'm willing to edit anyone's story description. With the goal of making the description more polished and intriguing. If you have an attractive and appropriate description, then more people will want to read your novel. So, I'm providing a free opportunity to anyone who wants me to take a crack at their story description. You can look at my attempt and decide if you want to use it, or some parts at least.

Just post on this thread if you would like this service.

Some basic rules:

1. Your fiction must be Active.
2. Your fiction must possess, at least, a basic description to work off of. (I edit descriptions, I don't generate them.)
3. Please take my version into consideration, I spend quite a bit of time on each description.

Note: I edit descriptions in my free time, so there may be some delay until I edit your description.


IMPORTANT: I'm currently unable to edit descriptions, so Tanaka Tomoyuki is unofficially taking over the thread. I approve of his edits, so take his work on the same level as mine. (Thank you Tanaka Tomoyuki for the hard work.)

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#4
9/12/2017 9:25:38 AMDanetello Wrote: [ -> ]I'm willing to edit anyone's story description. With the goal of making the description more polished and intriguing. If you have an attractive and appropriate description, then more people will want to read your novel. So I'm providing a free opportunity to anyone who wants me to take a crack at their story description. You can look at my attempt and decide if you want to use it, or some parts at least.

Just post on this thread if you would like this service.


I would like a reinterpretation of my story description, please.

Here is the link to my story description: https://royalroadl.com/fiction/11779/youjo-kodama

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#5
9/13/2017 5:20:17 AMroyaldarknes Wrote: [ -> ]hey,do you want me to leave link of your post to my post ? ,so when someone check my material post they can find your for the service here (here is the post that I talking about)
http://forum.royalroadl.com/showthread.php?tid=98657


Sure, I'm willing to help anyone.


9/13/2017 5:54:47 AMRaile21 Wrote: [ -> ]
9/12/2017 9:25:38 AMDanetello Wrote: [ -> ]I'm willing to edit anyone's story description. With the goal of making the description more polished and intriguing. If you have an attractive and appropriate description, then more people will want to read your novel. So I'm providing a free opportunity to anyone who wants me to take a crack at their story description. You can look at my attempt and decide if you want to use it, or some parts at least.

Just post on this thread if you would like this service.


I would like a reinterpretation of my story description, please.

Here is the link to my story description: https://royalroadl.com/fiction/11779/youjo-kodama

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When your time has come and you close your eyes for a final time, what will you leave behind? When Man has forsaken its once proud nature, what will it become? When forests turn into cities, will you still recognize your old home? When humanity unites, albeit in a strange manner, will you be proud? When your time has come and you reopen your eyes, will you finally embrace the world anew?

This is my first story on Royalroadl. I draw heavy inspiration from series such as Ciaphas Cain from Warhammer 40K, Star Wars, Youjo Senki and Overlord. This story combines elements from both Sci-fi and fantasy genres. I hope you’ll join me on this fantastic adventure. Any comments and feedback are always appreciated.

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I only read your prologue and reviews. Since you really didn't have a description that I could work off of, I tried something new. I don't know how your story will turn out or how far it's progressed at the latest chapter, but I hope my attempt is a start at least. You can always change it if you want, or not use it at all.

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#6
9/13/2017 3:18:11 PMDanetello Wrote: [ -> ]
9/13/2017 5:20:17 AMroyaldarknes Wrote: [ -> ]hey,do you want me to leave link of your post to my post ? ,so when someone check my material post they can find your for the service here (here is the post that I talking about)
http://forum.royalroadl.com/showthread.php?tid=98657


Sure, I'm willing to help anyone.


9/13/2017 5:54:47 AMRaile21 Wrote: [ -> ]
9/12/2017 9:25:38 AMDanetello Wrote: [ -> ]I'm willing to edit anyone's story description. With the goal of making the description more polished and intriguing. If you have an attractive and appropriate description, then more people will want to read your novel. So I'm providing a free opportunity to anyone who wants me to take a crack at their story description. You can look at my attempt and decide if you want to use it, or some parts at least.

Just post on this thread if you would like this service.


I would like a reinterpretation of my story description, please.

Here is the link to my story description: https://royalroadl.com/fiction/11779/youjo-kodama

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When your time has come and you close your eyes for a final time, what will you leave behind? When Man has forsaken its once proud nature, what will it become? When forests turn into cities, will you still recognize your old home? When humanity unites, albeit in a strange manner, will you be proud? When your time has come and you reopen your eyes, will you finally embrace the world anew?

This is my first story on Royalroadl. I draw heavy inspiration from series such as Ciaphas Cain from Warhammer 40K, Star Wars, Youjo Senki and Overlord. This story combines elements from both Sci-fi and fantasy genres. I hope you’ll join me on this fantastic adventure. Any comments and feedback are always appreciated.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I only read your prologue and reviews. Since you really didn't have a description that I could work off of, I tried something new. I don't know how your story will turn out or how far it's progressed at the latest chapter, but I hope my attempt is a start at least. You can always change it if you want, or not use it at all.


I used your version exactly as the first paragraph, and followed by my original story description and overall it has become a better story description.

Thank you very much for your time crafting another story description.

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#8
9/13/2017 5:28:29 AMIkhsannorm Wrote: [ -> ]Can you try to edit one of my novel, please?

Maybe you can make some change in it to make it better.


The novel description I edited: Conquer the World.
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Venturing into the unknown, past the darkness of uncertainty. He opens his eyes to a world filled with fantasy and intrigue. A world where man has reached even greater heights. A world where only strength and cultivation can guarantee safety. Will he be able to return home and tell tales of his success, or will he be doomed to the life of a mere passenger in another person body?
---------------------------------------------------------

I highly recommend you get an editor for your work. Also, please add the xianxia tag to your story, because it contains cultivation.

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#9
9/13/2017 8:54:15 PMStonecoldsam Wrote: [ -> ]I like what you wrote for Raile, I've been watching this post carefully. I have had a few people say i ought to reword my description although i somewhat like its current simplicity. I'm curious what you can do with it.

Here is the link http://royalroadl.com/fiction/13445/reincarnated-lets-be-a-pirate

Thanks in advance.


------------------------------------
After my untimely cliché death, God welcomes me with open arms. Bored by the monotonous passing of time, God took pity on my soul and gave me another chance at life. A chance to venture out into a brave new world filled with clichés and events around every corner. But is boredom really the only reason God sent me here?
------------------------------------

Like the previous posts, I only read your reviews and first chapter, so I don't know how accurate my attempt is. The last question in my attempt is for luring in readers. I don't know if God really had other intention, but you can change it to something appropriate. I highly suggest you place some sort of question at the end.

Again, this is only my meagre attempt and you can discard or change it as you please. Have a nice day.

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#13
Ya, do mine too please! (It needs an upgrade >_>Wink


Spoiler :
Sasha finally found someone different than all the rest; Yatsu claimed her interest with but one touch. But Sasha was different too. She had already fallen in love with something. How dangerous will it be for Sasha to fall in love with someone as well?

Divided into two (soon to be three) parts. Part One: is about Sasha's rise to popularity, even though she never meant to become popular. Part Two: Sasha falls for Yatsu and their relationship grows with each passing day, against the will of others. *Cutesy Romance + Drama* Part Three: Pending (but you can guess what's coming).

(Yandere inspired story)

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#14
9/12/2017 9:25:38 AMDanetello Wrote: [ -> ]I'm willing to edit anyone's story description. With the goal of making the description more polished and intriguing. If you have an attractive and appropriate description, then more people will want to read your novel. So I'm providing a free opportunity to anyone who wants me to take a crack at their story description. You can look at my attempt and decide if you want to use it, or some parts at least.

Just post on this thread if you would like this service.


can you edit my material post ? ,some people say my post have grammar mistake here (only need to edit my first post comment)
http://forum.royalroadl.com/showthread.php?tid=98657

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#15
9/25/2017 1:43:19 AMroyaldarknes Wrote: [ -> ]
9/12/2017 9:25:38 AMDanetello Wrote: [ -> ]I'm willing to edit anyone's story description. With the goal of making the description more polished and intriguing. If you have an attractive and appropriate description, then more people will want to read your novel. So I'm providing a free opportunity to anyone who wants me to take a crack at their story description. You can look at my attempt and decide if you want to use it, or some parts at least.

Just post on this thread if you would like this service.


Can you edit my material post? Some people say my post have grammar mistake here (only need to edit my first post comment)
http://forum.royalroadl.com/showthread.php?tid=98657


The post contained syntax errors, grammar errors, format errors and a lot of inconsistency. It reads like you're rambling thoughts, so I edited everything (Even the examples). Look at my version and the changes that I've made; maybe you can also learn a thing or two. You can recolour and resize it where needed.

Here's the edited version:

(New update at 21/9/2017: Check the comment at page 3, I have copied an author’s rules when it comes to writing novels, for new guys here. It’s neat, and there’s some interesting detail about "Good" and "Evil" on the same page.)

Here’s the packed material for reference, you don't need to follow it 100% though. (btw some of the material here contains information that even experienced writers don’t even know. Check it out. Sometimes I update new material in the other comment down below, so remember to check the comment every now and then) :

If you need a story description, then this guy can help you to improve yours for free:
http://forum.royalroadl.com/showthread.php?tid=98919&pid=827807#pid827807

Here's the link to another post that has a deeper guide in certain aspect:
http://forum.royalroadl.com/showthread.php?tid=52998

Here’s one of my post that provides advice on how "not" to write:  
https://forum.royalroadl.com/showthread.php?tid=98644

Here’s a post of a website that allows you to quickly colour your illustrator accurately:
http://forum.royalroadl.com/showthread.php?tid=98480&pid=825964#pid825964

These tools will help you with improving your writing and grammar, to avoid. If it isn’t compatible, then you can check google with keyword "spelling check”, there are other tools or similar website there. I hear the google doc also works, it makes editing easier and helps avoid grammar mistake. It also auto-saves, so there’s no need to worry about forgetting to save your work:

https://www.grammarly.com/

http://www.reverso.net/spell-checker/eng...g-grammar/ (Another website that checks grammar. I heard it works well.)

https://languagetool.org/es/ (I recommend noredink for improving grammar, but be warned though it’s extremely tough and that's coming from someone who speaks and writes in English on a day to day basis. Still, I can guarantee results. I mean just look at how well formatted for this comment is XD. {a Comment from other user})
This website will help you with editing accurately and easily.

http://www.hemingwayapp.com/


If you don’t know how to write correctly or how to use this website, then check these forums:

https://forum.royalroadl.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=2469

https://forum.royalroadl.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=1125

https://forum.royalroadl.com/showthread.php?tid=32473 (If you’re a bit lazy, then this is a good guide for you.)

This may help you a bit in coding and make tables for this website:
http://forum.royalroadl.com/showthread.php?tid=96890

For naming stuff, just search "fantasy name generator", there are other versions like Japan, city or world map name generator too, here’s an example:
http://www.fantasynamegenerators.com/ani...ZK6qlEjGM8

Here’s another good character development manga. It’s an interesting one. It shows how you don't need your teammate to be like you in order to follow you. Like, he follows you because your target is the same as his. (Revenge, to get to some difficult location or some stuff...)
http://kissmanga.com/Manga/Spirit-Migration

When you’re writing dialogue, you should write like this, so it’s clearer to read. It’s also easier to find errors when you are editing, and also helps with character development. (this is for reference, so you don't have to 100% write like that) Example from this novel’s conversations:

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The other tall man with a beard seemed to reach out for something.

“Don’t touch that!” Malsour barked across the room.

The man’s eye met Malsour’s with an annoyed expression.

“We’re not sure if that will destroy everything in a ten-foot radius or plant a forest for ten miles!” Malsour yelled.

“Bob, what the hell is this place?” The man asked.

“Well, it's good of you to ask, Water,” Bob said with a smile as he walked over to Malsour.

Fire looked pale as she crossed her arms protectively over the very visible stomach bump.

“What the hell are all of these things doing in the same place and what is that over there?” She asked, pointing right at the ‘sun’ and mana wells.

“Damned bomb factory in here,” Malsour muttered.

“Malsour Dracul, you will explain what you are doing with such dangerous magic!” Fire demanded just as the door to the lab closed, Dave and Deia walking in.

“Bob! What the hell, dude? This is supposed to be a secret lab! Not a damned tourist attraction!”

“I wanted to show them the stuff we’ve been working on. They’re some of the oldest people after me and they do have a lot of knowledge about magic,” Bob said.

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This is from a novel, it’s extremely well written. This is how most conversation, in English, looks like:
http://royalroadl.com/fiction/8262

I found these two mangas. One’s very interesting and has great character development and the other one has a badass MC that’s quite realistic when it comes to thinking and dealing with the problems. He’s still likeable and isn’t necessarily a jerk:

http://kissmanga.com/Manga/Spirit-Migration

http://kissmanga.com/Manga/Wortenia-Senki (Although I feel that this web novel is better compared to the light novel version. You should still read this because the novel is quite confusing at the start.)

If you have a "power creep" problem then check this video in the post comment, it shows a way to solve it. (Btw, this post also talks about the dungeon problem and how to solve it if you are a dungeon writer.)
https://www.facebook.com/groups/LitRPGGr...884690884/

This novel, not only show you how to implement background building for the main character, it even points all the problem the writer has with cultivation worlds and MC’s in every cultivate novel ever. Read this chapter to learn it. (There’s no need to start reading from the very beginning.):
http://royalroadl.com/fiction/11397/the-dao-of-magic/chapter/154380/72-bare?page=3

Try googling "The basic rules of storytelling", there are some quick and useful tips there that you can check out.

Btw, have you check these novels? Some of them are very good with can be used for reference:

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/11686/the-simulations (Check my review to know what to expect.)

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/12563/artisan (a Very good one.)

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/11397/the-dao-of-magic (Just check the top 4 reviews.)

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/12373/have...rous-world (a Good dungeon novel. The author has ended the hiatus status recently, btw.)

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/12103/fayd...ritereboot (The first is version was already good, but the new version is even better.)

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/12519/the-mediator (Has great character development and contains a lot of meaningful lessons, but I think the author has dropped it.)

A question mark is not a sentence. To show that the character is confused, use a tilt of the head, a perplexed look, a flick of the ears or something else. Avoid using question marks. It’s lazy story writing, also don't use "Ehh" and "Ahh" frequently. Think back to all your favourite books (not anime). How often do characters say that? Not often. Another is that you use of "...." instead of using natural pauses through your writing. If you use words like hesitating, pausing, or describing them looking off to the side, or rubbing their head sheepishly, or any other way that can show that a character is not speaking immediately, it’ll improve your storytelling a great deal.

For more details on sword and weapon fighting. (Including guns and what happens when that specific gun and ammo hits armour) Check this youtube video:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3WIohkLkH4GFoMrrWVZZFA

This game, Absolver, is very detailed when it comes to martial arts. It shows the different moves, strategies and stances that are to be used in different situations and confrontations. Yes, it also includes some real-life martial art like taekwondo:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0dHKGiLWkQ

This one is also useful, have you check it out yet? (human body weapon, this is a realistic fighting technique):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhbtCIQuGv4&t=1281s

For plot twist ideas:

Imagine dedicating yourself to a dream, or hope, or hatred or an ambition, but when you reach your destination. It was all in vain.

Example: She was led into believing that she was a girl that was cursed into being a futanari, but was actually a hermaphrodite, to begin with?

(From this chapter, try it, this novel’s very entertaining and funny. If you read the first dungeon battle part and not the first 2 volume then you’ll see it. There are no dark and tragic elements, except for volume 1.):
https://zirusmusings.com/ldm-ch239/

About character development:
This is actually a lecture, sorta. It’s a must for anyone that likes character development. If u got the time, then please watch this.

If you need a deeper biology or ecosystem for a monster, including how living armour works, then there’s chapter about that. It’s actually some type of shellfish that has an outer shell that looks as if it’s part of the armour there. Then read this manga. It’s very entertaining and detailed. It’s also hilarious and delicious, imagine "Shokugeki no Soma" version monster dish:
"Dungeon Meshi"

Near the end of this chapter, the author makes a semi-auto paint gun rifle and also makes its cartridge like this, so it still works without needing gunpowder. It works with wind runes. (Just skip to the part near the gun/bullet picture to see the explanation. It’s near the bottom of this chapter.):

http://royalroadl.com/fiction/11714/kingdoms-online/chapter/163517/chapter-38-seeker-of-vengeance

https://postimg.org/image/cmncnc1c9/

Here’s the comment for more detail about this gun and ammo. (If you need to make a gun in a fantasy world with some magic elements.):

The metal for the ammo needs to be soft like lead to engage the rifling. Bullets deform when they’re shot, that makes a bit of them sink into the grooves (rifling) of the barrel. If you use iron or something harder it will be worse than a smoothbore weapon because you’ll lose the force of the explosion/wind as it goes around the shot.
The air tanks could be charged ahead of time and then have can have a mechanical release that would give you hundreds of shots, like paintball markers of today.
A weight that gains momentum has more force so the astrilium would make a better smoothbore shot. E=MC*MC
He could have made a wind and a fire rune with maybe something to condense the wind to make an explosion, instant modern day weapons with no cartridge.

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#18
I actually paid someone for a book blurb, $5 and while it was better than my original it still didn't feel quite right. Too many big words and it just didn't grab me as much as I'd hope. They also used the word devil when I was keeping it as demon so if you could look at it that would really help. Here it is.

Alexander Kent has many things going for him, but despite all his wonderful qualities, he still finds himself the target of bullies. The harshest of his many critics is the one who worries him the most: his father.

A near-tragic accident renders Alex incapacitated. As he hangs on death’s door, he’s visited by the unlikeliest of beings: a demon. Their unfathomable exchange becomes even more troubling when he’s offered a second chance at life… in exchange for use of his body by the devil himself.

Alex’s deal with the devil leads him into a hidden supernatural world, rife with mystery, danger, and a convoluted web of the worst the underworld has to offer. Now, he has no memory of his ill-fated deal and is desperate to break free of the hold the Demon King and his minions have on him, but escaping their clutches may prove to be more difficult than any battle he’s ever faced.

----It is a modern supernatural fantasy. Alexander Kent and Zeltis are both the MC and while it starts with Zeltis borrowing Alex's body to hunt demons to gather power for his revenge they slowly become partners and then friends. Alex also meets a few others that join them. Alex also starts to discover many hidden mysteries about his origin and later in the story a prophecy that could mean the end of the world as we know it. Or something along those lines.

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#19
For the story 'Between War and Magic'. https://royalroadl.com/fiction/13461/between-war-and-magic.
I Tried to make the description more impactful. I don't know if the story has the great danger vibe that I was going for. Hopefully, my attempt helps.
-----------------------------------------------
In a world of war and magic, death is commonplace. The only people who are safe, are those who can survive. These people wield the power to command and understand magic. Rayen, a small orphan boy of humble origins, has only one goal. The goal to become a great mage. To achieve this, Rayen will adventure around this mysterious and dangerous world. Meeting interesting people and exploring strange places. But this calm cannot last. This world will shake and change. Unprecedented danger approaches and not even the greatest mages are safe. In the middle of this chaotic time, Rayen stands. Will he be able to survive, to become the greatest mage who has ever lived, or will he return to dust, accompanied by all those that he once loved?


9/19/2017 9:10:25 PMNecamijat Wrote: [ -> ]Sure, do me. Story link in the signature, first link.


Sorry, I can't motivate myself to edit the story description for stories that are on Hiatus. It feels meaningless for the purpose that I started this thread. If you ever continue with your story then I would gladly edit your story description.


9/19/2017 11:30:39 PMChiisutofupuru Wrote: [ -> ]Ya, do mine too please! (It needs an upgrade >_>Wink


Spoiler :
Sasha finally found someone different than all the rest; Yatsu claimed her interest with but one touch. But Sasha was different too. She had already fallen in love with something. How dangerous will it be for Sasha to fall in love with someone as well?

Divided into two (soon to be three) parts. Part One: is about Sasha's rise to popularity, even though she never meant to become popular. Part Two: Sasha falls for Yatsu and their relationship grows with each passing day, against the will of others. *Cutesy Romance + Drama* Part Three: Pending (but you can guess what's coming).

(Yandere inspired story)


I have the same problem with my previous post. I won't edit stories that are on hiatus. If you ever continue then I would gladly edit your story description. This isn't meant as an insult, I just can't motivate myself.

RE: I'm willing to edit anyone's story description.

#20
For the story 'Yowai - Season 1'. https://royalroadl.com/fiction/14277/yowai-season-1
I Tried to make the description less 'wordy' and make it more enticing for potential readers. Your story is still at its starts so I didn't have much to go on. Here is my attempt.
---------------------------------------
One day, before the end of the eleventh grade and the start of vacation, something changes. Yowai goes to sleep, as usual, but his awakening is anything but usual. Awakening at midnight, Yowai inherits strange abilities.

What will he do with this newly acquired power?

Will he rebel, or will he strive to become something more?

Yowai’s journey has just begun, but many difficulties still lie in his way.
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